Thank You, aka Seventeen Years Later
by CileSuns92
Summary: Sequel of Soft Shock. You don't need to read SS to enjoy this. Meredith and Derek have a teenage daughter, Grace and two boys, Kieran, 14, and Nathan, 6. A blink in their lives after 17 years. Practically AU. More inside. COMPLETE.
1. I Wouldn't Change A Single Thing, Prol

**Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or I would have been all busy writing the actual show instead of this story. I won't own the show for the rest of this story, I think that's crystal clear, right? I only own the children and all the other characters that will come along.**

**Finally, I decided to start the sequel of Soft Shock. It's not actually a proper sequel in the real sense of the world as it's set 17, yes seventeen, years later than the end of SS. Grace, who was barely a few hours old is now 17, thinking about college. Meredith and Derek are still married and they have two other kids, Kieran, who's 14 and Nathan who is 6, almost 7. They have a house in the woods, they both fix brains for a living and everything it's like it should be. Sounds boring, I know, but bear with me. I'm not going to do something as fluffy as Soft Shock but I hope you'll appreciate in the long run. I like writing it so far...**

**I told you before the sequel would be a bit different from the main idea of a sequel, but I'm trying to do this anyway. I hope you all won't run away after this huge babble here. **

**For all the new readers, reading Soft Shock it's not really necessary, I might throw a few references here and there but I'll explain them properly as we go on with the story. If you'll read it I'll be happier though ;)**

**I decided to do a prologue because the time span was huge so I gave you a glimpse of MerDer with Grace only, just to let you reacquainted with the story. I used Coldplay - 'Til Kingdom Come, for this beginning, because it's X&Y bonus track and it comes as a surprise, like how this idea popped into my head after I finished the original story.**

**The overall title, Thank You, could by a song by either Dido (as I originally planned) or Alainis Morissette. Choose whatever you like best, or both, I don't care.**

**I'll go mostly with Meredith's PoV, unlike before where I switched. If I decide to give voice to other characters it will be specified.**

**Okay, that's enough rambling for this story, just enjoy this prologue and I'll try to update before I'll leave for my holidays at the end of the month.**

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><p><strong>Prologue – I Wouldn't Change A Single Thing<strong>

I was used to night time storms, hearing the rain tick heavily on the window panes, watching the lightnings flash in the sky, immediately followed by thunders. Storms were almost relaxing sometimes, a mixture of expectation and unwillingness to go out of the warm bed and just snuggle in the rest of the day, preferably in Derek's arms.

Grace was in bed from a couple of hours, knocked out right after dinner. She had a busy day playing at the daycare and sleep couldn't refill her better. She was a bright, active three-year-older and she fascinated me everyday more. I had a pretty long day too, performing my first start-to-finish craniotomy entirely on my own as a Neuro resident, Derek simply observing silently over my shoulder. I held a stupid, happy grin on my face all day long, almost making Cristina jealous. _Almost_.

When I entered in our bedroom that same night, Derek began chuckling, leaving on his nightstand the medical magazine he was reading, forgotten.

"Wipe that grin out of your face, it's boring already" he mocked. His eyes though were shining with happiness and I could tell he was proud.

"Thank you for the surgery" I grinned sheepishly, slowly stripping out of my clothes while he kept watching me with an adoring gaze. I felt loved even when he simply stared. I blushed slightly at his scrutiny.

"It was the least I could do before our anniversary. That's part of the gift" he smirked. I pretended I had forgot what date was going to be the following day every time we met at the hospital, but it was hard, even if I wanted to. Our wedding day had been one of the best days of my life. "Will you need a gift every year?" he continued, faking annoyance while I knew he was the one who was going to spoil me every year. We weren't currently planning to eat somewhere fancy only because I had finished a forty-eight hours shift yesterday and a twelve-hours today and I was beyond tired.

"It's tomorrow anyway" I grinned. I liked the early present, though. _More early presents, I'd say_. "You know, maybe we should come up with something nice next year, I'm too tired to even think about tomorrow at this point" I slumped on the bed, rolling closer to him and seeking comfort in his heat.

"We should do something nice for each other" he suggested, his hand finding my favorite spots on my back and drawing small circles, relaxing my muscles.

"Like? Giving away surgeries?" I joked, but I could see the twinkle in his eyes to reassure me that I would have one of his surgeries with my name on the board every year from now on.

"Have dinner together, spend some time with each other, see a movie, walk in a park, the kind of stuff you hated when we were dating, you know, before everything happened" he trailed off, and I knew that his 'everything' meant Addison; he wasn't bothered by our past anymore though.

"I still hate some of them" I leaned my head on his chest, a smile curling up my lips immediately.

"I know. Now that Grace is still little we can't go very far, but maybe in a few years we could even spend a weekend together or have a short trip" his voice was full of excitement at the mere idea.

"We work like crazy, Derek" I sighed, really needing some time off. I felt like I had been working for three weeks straight, instead of three days, every bone in my body was aching and I was so tired that even sleeping seemed an effort. And I felt a bit queasy the whole time in the past few days.

"So?" he smiled and I was whipped.

"So it's nice, you're right" I smiled, because things were easy from the moment he began being next to me.

His hands sneaked around my waist and under the t-shirt I was wearing and he immediately noticed that it was one of his.

"Why you always wear my t-shirts in bed?" he smirked.

"I like them" I smiled innocently.

"See, that's unfair. If you wear my t-shirts you look gorgeous, if I just try to wear one of yours I could look only ridiculous" he faked an adorable pout.

"Never try that, please" we giggled together, then I kissed him softly, running my hand on his chest.

"Your night shift is in two days, right?" he asked, reminding that the hellish week was far from over. The good thing was that I had two whole days to spend with Grace. She was such a wonderful three-year-old girl and I couldn't help but enjoy every single second spent with her. I never thought being a mother could be this fun.

"Yeah, you'll be home for dinner tomorrow, right?"

"I'm not sure" he sighed, knowing far too well how much he wanted to do something special on our anniversary.

"I'll bring Grace with me when I'll go in tomorrow then, so you can take her home when you're done. I really don't like night shifts lately"

"Good plan. I'll try not to wake you up tomorrow morning, okay?" he smirked, turning to his side to the nightstand to switch off the light.

"Wait" I grinned widely, leaning closer and I kissed him softly, our lips savoring lazily the taste of each other after a long day.

"Can I switch off the light now?" he smirked, something different already shining in his eyes.

"No, I think it's your turn for a gift" our lips locked again, but this time when we pulled away we were both breathless.

"That's not a proper gift, we have sex all the time" he smirked, his eyes twinkling in anticipation, the small chuckle he tried to hide echoing in his chest.

"My gift it's not dirty!" I pouted just like him. He laughed, clearly mocking me.

"So what is it?" he leaned closer, his lips teasing mine

"Mommy!" a sad moan arrived from the other room, interrupting the moment before it even started.

"Her timing is just perfect" I said smiling while Derek groaned loudly, then I stood up, put on some old sweatpants and I walked out.

I switched on the light in the corridor to see why Grace was awake. I stepped in her dim-lighted room and I saw her curled in a ball under the covers, her dark curls all messy on the pillow and her back facing me, silent sniffles filling the room while she kept her gaze fixed to the window.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I walked closer and I put a soothing hand on her side, letting her know that I was there, running my fingers tenderly in her dark curls

She turned her face to me and with teary eyes and a grave voice said "I peed in my pants" she sniffled, rubbing her tired eyes with the back of her hand, the guiltiest expression on her sleepy face. When I looked closely I could see a darker spot on the sheets and I smiled sweetly, sitting on the bed next to her. She immediately snuggled closer.

"It's okay, sweetie. We can change the pants and we put some dry sheets on, it happens sometimes" I kissed her forehead, shuffling away a lock of her dark curls, sticky with sweat "Were you having nightmares?"

"No, the boom is scary" she whispered, her voice suddenly small and scared, her whole body snuggling closer to mine.

"Oh, the thunder. You don't like storms, don't you?" she shook her head while I smiled understandingly. I never liked storms either, especially when I had to listen to them all alone. I scooped her up in my arms from the bed, not caring about the fact that all her butt was wet, and she locked her arms to my neck, almost chocking me. I never thought she was that strong. She was practically trembling in my arms, but the more I held her, the more her muscles relaxed. I picked out a clean pair of pants from the drawer and we went to the bathroom to change.

"You want to pee again?" she nodded, slightly lifting her head up from my shoulder, so I let her sit on her potty.

"Can I wear nappy tonight?" she glanced up with her big blue eyes, almost pleading me. She looked so small and fragile in that moment that I almost gave in

"There's nothing wrong in wetting the bed at night, you can wear panties" I said softly instead, trying to reassure her.

"I want nappy" she stood her ground, stubborn as always, her eyes filling with tears.

"All right, just for tonight" a tiny smile curled up my lips. I couldn't resist her "But tomorrow won't be stormy, so you can wear panties" I added, hoping that the following day things would be easier. I know that she probably did that for some attention, considering that I spent the past three nights away and I couldn't blame her. It broke my heart knowing that she had needed me and I wasn't there.

"Okay" she agreed, attempting a smile.

I cleaned her up and I put her in a diaper again. She seemed so little now, all scared and tucked in that old pyjama with a diaper. When I took her back in my arms she clung to my neck again with her soft little arms. She never wanted to let go and I knew the feeling. She missed me.

"Are you still scared of the storm?" I continued and she nodded "I can stay next to you until you fall asleep, if you need. I can tell you a story and take away all the nightmares with a secret trick Nana Carolyn told me" I smiled widely, trying to comfort her on the fact that I wasn't going anywhere. She went to bed when I wasn't even home and she missed me. _God, I hated when it happened_.

"Can I sleep in the big bed with you Mommy?" she whispered, almost afraid that I was going to be angry if she asked. She knew we weren't very keen on sharing a bed, but sometimes our rules could be bent.

"We should ask Daddy"

Her face was almost pleading me again, so after I put away the dirty sheets, we went back to my room to ask Derek. She was leaning against me heavily, her eyes almost giving in to fall asleep again once that she was clean and in my arms.

He had took back the magazine he was reading, probably engrossed in a new medical technique, but he noticed immediately when we crossed the doorframe.

"Hey little girl" he greeted her with a soft smile, laying the magazine back on the nightstand.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" she immediately asked, lifting up her head just the necessary to look at him in the eyes and mesmerize him. She was able to trick us already and I wouldn't want to think what we were going to do when she was going to be older. Derek nodded simply, even smiling widely.

"Nightmares?" he whispered in my ear when I laid beside him.

"Storms" I whispered back and his arm sneaked around my waist to wrap us in his strong hold

"You know, I didn't liked storms either but then Mommy told me how beautiful they are and they don't scare me anymore" he smiled softly. He was so good in the comfort thing.

"Storms are scary, not beautiful" Grace frowned, snuggling closer to me between Derek's chest and my side, her arms never leaving my neck.

"I know, but when there's a lightning, it's so powerful it can light up the whole sky and it seems day even in the darkest night. And then, after you see a lightening you're sure a thunder will come after, like it's warning you of the boom. The closest comes the thunder, the shorter the storm will last. And storms are quick, then there's just rain, hear now" he suggested. She was already snuggled between us, but she held out her ear to listen to the sound of the rain, the slightly panicked expression though wouldn't leave her face.

"Now close your eyes and remember that it's just heavy rain. You like to watch the raindrops from the big window downstairs, just think about that and that me and Mommy will be right next to you"

"Mommy, can you hold me just like when I was little?" she whispered, almost afraid to ask. She clearly missed me and I felt tears in my eyes.

"You're still little, Berry" I said, sitting on the bed and cradling her in my arms, kissing softly her forehead and rocking her gently back and forth. Her grip on my -Derek's- t-shirt loosened as soon as her eyes closed and in a few moments she was sleeping again, a relaxed expression on her face. "I love you Grace" I whispered, kissing sweetly her forehead

"What was that about?" whispered Derek while I kept holding her tightly. I missed her even breaths while she slept, her hair falling graciously down her shoulders, her perfect baby face becoming every day a little more grown up.

"Wet bed. She's not very happy about her potty training as we are. She thought I could be mad for it" I sighed "Oh and she missed me" I added in a small voice, trying to keep my voice the steadiest possible. Derek's arm squeezed me closer and I knew he understood, he always did.

"You want me to take her back to bed?"

"No, I'm fine" I sighed, trying to ease the guilt watching her sleep in my arms. She unconsciously nuzzled her face on my chest and she kept sleeping peacefully. I could watch her sleep forever.

"I think our after-gift plans have just blown" I broke the silence between us, Derek's fingers rubbing the small of my back in circles in the most relaxing way. He knows I love him a little more when he does that.

"I'll have my gift tomorrow" he smirked, not really bothered. He knew I needed this moment to feel a little bit better with myself and he wasn't going to take it away from me. In those times I knew I had married the perfect man.

"You can have your gift now, it's the after part that it's not possible. I told you that's not the gift" I smiled widely again, he was just as stubborn as I was sometimes and it was funny to play along with him.

"I thought you were just messing with me" he chuckled, brushing away some hair from my forehead and kissing it softly

"No, I wasn't messing with you. I'm messing now, but not before. I love to make you wait" I grinned devilishly and he groaned in response when my free hand went to caress his toned abdomen.

"Do I have to guess?" he tried to keep his mind busy while we teased each other.

"If you want to. You'll never nail it" I smirked, because I knew it was a perfect surprise. It had been a surprise even for me.

"It's something concrete?" he began a sort of twenty-question game and I giggled.

"Hmm, yes, but untouchable for now" I played along.

"Immediate or long-lasting?"

"Life long"_ that was a good question indeed_.

"Something that has to be built or assembled?"

"Somehow built, yeah" I got away easily with this

"The new table" he guessed

"Nope" I laughed. We needed a new table for the garden, but apparently it was the only thing that needed building in his head at the moment. He was deep in thought and I just stared at him and Grace alternatively, enjoying to see his mind racing. He looked like he had an open brain in front of him and not a simple gift to guess.

"Pleasant?"

"Not every day, but can be an amazing gift" my smile softened at the mere idea

"There's something that could be similar to it in this room?" bold question.

"One thing, very very similar" I tangled my fingers in Grace's hair, brushing them while she kept sleeping peacefully, trying to give him a hint. I saw Derek looking frantically around him, frowning and considering every little thing that was in our messy room, even dust.

"Okay, I give up" he sighed, lifting up his hands in defeat. I smiled, then I looked back at Grace asleep in my arms, then I looked at Derek again, the temptation to simply blurt it out too much to bear.

"Well, I'll tell you, then" I grinned, waiting for the suspense to kick in. He stared me down, trying to read me, but I was careful to look away and keep him in the dark a little bit more.

"Mer" he hurried, impatiently

"We did it" I smiled but he just looked even more frustrated and confused

"We did what?"

"I'm pregnant, Derek" I finally blurted it out and I couldn't help the wide smile that spread on my lips. We decided to start trying a few months before but neither of us expected a baby so soon.

"You're pregnant?" his face lightened up, his mouth hanging open and for a second I could only see the excitement in his eyes and everything just faded away. He was there, looking at me almost like I gave him the whole world in a word. Or a plus sign on a test.

"Happy anniversary Derek!" I whispered and at some point he began to silently laugh as hard as he could, almost in tears while he did his best to not wake up Grace.

"We're having a baby and I came up with furniture!" I laughed with him too and, unable to control my shaking, I put Grace between us to avoid waking her up. He tenderly kissed me after all the laughing, the wide smile never leaving his lips even while we kissed, then he sneaked a hand under the t-shirt above my belly and caressed my skin tenderly, beaming at the simple idea of a new life there.

"I'll have to come up with something great next year" he chuckled and I kissed him again, then I put my hand over his and another on Grace's sleepy head, brushing some hair away from her face and imaging what it would be like for her to be a big sister.

Then Grace became a big sister. Twice, -actually, three times if we want to be really accurate- and we are loving every single second of our lives, even after seventeen, eventful years of marriage.

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><p><strong>AN: I know it's fuzzy yet, that's just the beginning. <strong>

**Apart from the last two lines (which is the important part hehe), it's all a huge flashback. Next chapter will pick up a while later and from those last two lines. ****I'll try to post it before I'll leave, since I'm not sure I'll have an internet connection before mid August so...I know, unhappy time to post a new fanfiction but if I don't post it now I wouldn't have never posted anything. I hope you'll understand. I promised a summer sequel, after all. **

**Let me know what you think, it makes me feel better knowing that people like this story just as much as they like my other ones -hopefully more, it's never too much appreciation!-.**

**Bear with me for typos or other language-related mistakes, I'm Italian. You can suggest me where to correct and I'll repost the chapter. Criticize as well, but with a basic explanation, everybody is able to say 'it sucks', saying why it's a bit more complicated than that, right?**


	2. About Today

**Thank you everybody for the great support for this new story. I know I'm about to leave and not update for two weeks, but I guess I'll leave you all with the ideas a bit less fuzzy than before. Think about all the time I'll have to finish writing this ;)**

**The title is a song by The National. I recently listened to a lot of their songs and they are terribly addicting!**

**So, this is where the story really begins, it picks up on a random day in the lives of the Shepherds. I hope you'll enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 1 – About Today<strong>

"Grace!" I shouted up the stairwell, but I had no answer.

I climbed the stairs and the door of her room was ajar, a muffled voice babbling behind. _Of course, on the phone_.

"There's tequila, right?" was the only thing I could catch. My wild hormones went overdrive and I needed a moment to process that my little girl was asking for tequila already.

I knocked gently and opened the door. Grace was sprawled on the bed, her feet on the headboard, her head turned to the big window, all her dark wavy hair scattered on the mattress. As she heard the door opening, she turned to face me, an annoyed frown settling on her delicate features, her deep blue eyes pleading me to go away. She looked tired and maybe a little sad as well.

"Grace, please, can you help me lay the table?" I tried to keep a convincing smile on my face, sounding way too motherly even to myself.

"We'll talk later Amber, Mom needs help" she said, ending the phone call quickly.

"Thank you" I added, before I moved back downstairs, still processing that I heard her saying tequila. She's seventeen after all. _Damn__, she's seventeen and you're pregnant, it's weird_.

I laid the tablecloth, picking up two forks and knives and a couple of glasses.

Derek was out somewhere in the woods, fishing with Kieran and Nathan and he left a note to say that they would stay there all day, probably eat dinner out then come home. Even if both boys were growing up, they never missed Derek's day off and went fishing with him at least once a month, more during summer and spring. Last summer they even went on their own down at the lake in the backyard. Kieran is already fourteen, while Nathan will be six before I'd notice. _Seems yesterday that they were toddlers, all three of them_.

I heard Grace walking downstairs barefoot. I was about to say something about the tequila, but I decided to keep it for myself. _Nosy mothers weren't always welcomed_.

"Can you set the dishes?" I asked, trying to start some kind of conversation when I met her hopeful face.

"Mom, can I go to a party with Amber on Saturday?" she asked immediately, moving to the cupboard. _Tequila_. A wave of nausea hit me at the mere thought, together with the smell of food. I practically ran to the bathroom, emptying my lunch. _Joys of motherhood!_

"Mom?" I heard Grace's distant voice from the kitchen. I sighed, lifting up my head from the toilet and leaning against the cold tiles. That was the worst part of the whole being pregnant thing and the fact that it was the fourth time didn't made it better at all.

"I'm okay" I managed to say, but I found her at the door, lingering with a worried look on her face.

"Is everything all right?" her voice concerned. _Yeah, I'm just pregnant_.

I splashed my face with some water as she kept staring at me quizzically.

"You know, that's more or less what happens when you drink too much tequila" I spoke quietly and I saw her eyes turn guilty all of a sudden.

"You overheard?" she snapped, immediately annoyed by the remark, folding her arms protectively over her chest.

"I didn't meant to. I'm sorry. I've been over toilets for tequila more than once and it's not a pleasant feeling, believe me" I tried to make her reason, a reassuring smile on my lips.

"No you didn't" she shook her head, an amused frown settling on her face. I was glad she had never seen me so wasted like I was in college, though.

"Oh, I so did. And Cristina lay in the bathtub at the old house to support me and complain about boys" I smirked at the memory. That day was memorable, despite the lack of happiness in it. _'Them and their stupid boy penises'_

"Mothers don't get drunk" she frowned, sounding a little bit dumber than how she really is. "Is this an hangover, Mom?" she asked, still puzzled, her eyes widening and her eyebrows narrowing.

"Probably a stomach bug, but I experienced the tequila. Not nice" I tried to keep the surprise a little bit longer, we wanted to wait a little to tell the kids. I was getting old and chances that things could go wrong were still various.

We were back in the kitchen and I fixed our dinner the best I could, ordering pizza. Three kids later and one on the way and I was still practically banned from the place, while Grace seemed to have some kind of attitude for that. We sat across each other, as we always did on our days free from the boys.

"Are you still sick?" she began chewing her pizza and I just stared at her.

"I'm feeling better, I'm just thinking"

"About the tequila?" she asked before I could sort out my thoughts, a sliver of worry flickering in her blue eyes, the perfect match for Derek's.

"Lots of things" I sighed, smiling at her. The more I looked at her, the more I saw myself, despite at first glance she looked exactly like Derek. She rambled like me, she was stubborn like me and she attracted way too many boys for my likings.

"You should take something when you go to work tonight. If you go"

I laughed loudly at her suggestion "Sorry, that was supposed to be my line"

She looked at me and we started laughing again.

"I'm not going to get drunk, Mom" she stated, when she recomposed, her good-girl look immediately settling on her face

"I know" I smiled, because I really believed her, even with the fake face

"But you're still worried" she sighed

"I'll always be worried. I hope your close encounters with tequila would be for better reasons than mine"

"Sure you're okay, Mom? You sound weird" she said with a strange smile, attacking again her slice of pizza.

"I'm good, don't worry"

"You're not sick or something?" she asked again.

"I'm fine" _Just pregnant with wild hormones having a party in my body, don't worry too much_.

"Dad said we shouldn't trust you when you say you are fine." she smirked

"Dad hovers too much" I grinned back

"Yeah, he does. He's not like that with Kieran and Nate." she got lost for a moment in her thoughts "Don't tell him about the tequila please" she sighed, flashing her irresistible puppy dogs eyes, suddenly a little scared. They hadn't the effect they had on Derek, but they were pretty damn good.

"It's girls day or what?" I smirked, because I knew I shouldn't be worrying about her too much, she was a good girl.

"I'm gonna miss this, when I'll be in college" her eyes darted outside, to the fresh mowed lawn and the few rays of sun.

"You're thinking about college already?" my heart sank a little, because she was that grown up. It seemed like yesterday that she fit perfectly in my arms while she slept and yet she was thinking about college and tequila.

"Few ideas, but it's still top secret" she grinned and I knew from the face that she had already made up her mind but she was too proud to share it yet.

"I'm gonna miss this too" _and I seriously hope the next one is a girl, because I can't stand another male Shepherd around. Three big egos are enough_.

"Does Dad knows about your tequila encounters?" she asked, suddenly curious, maybe to get something to blackmail me in the future

"He was the one who got me the worst hangovers ever" I smiled softly

"He was such a bad boyfriend?" she giggled

"Nope, he was married" I smirked

"Oh, right. He lived to the name of McDreamy for real after that, then" she grinned

"Who the heck..." I frowned, unable to hide my smile

"Cristina, sorry. I can't just picture him like a knight in shining...whatever" she smirked innocently

"That's my line too." I exclaimed "You're borrowing too much of my lines today" I smirked

"They are good lines" I laughed again and she giggled

Nausea built up in my throat as my laugh subsided and a strange smell reached my nose. I breathed deeply, hoping the feeling would fade.

"Told you you're sick" remarked Grace

"I'm gonna be fine" I answered, as the feeling subsided.

Grace kept throwing glances at me, almost as if she was waiting to tell something but she was afraid to ask. The tired sliver in her eyes deepened.

"When you had my age, did you ever wondered how would your future be?" she asked seriously and I know she was planning something big. I felt proud of her, for being extraordinary

"Honestly? I was always too busy forgetting the present to think about the future" I admitted

"Right, Grandma Ellis"

I never told my kids all the bad stories, but they know she wasn't a real role model for anybody but her interns.

"She would have hated the idea, but she would have been a great grandmother"

"You think?"

"She was the one that told me I was pregnant with you. I was too in denial to realize it by myself. A few days later she died" I fought back hormonal tears looking away. It was the first time I told her this, I just thought my mother needed to be remembered for something good as well, not just the childhood-wrecking woman I've always presented her.

"You have never really told me anything about what happened before Dad's car crash" she stated, her eyes flickering curiously

"We weren't together. He was still officially married. Not good memories"

"You would have kept me anyway?"

"Of course. I loved you from the moment I realized you were in here" I said, caressing my stomach, enjoying that there was someone there again. Each time it had been magical, Derek's face when I told him the news every time more perfect. The first or the fourth didn't really mattered to him, even when it had been a surprise like Grace or this little one here, still hidden from the whole world except me and Derek.

"But you could have found someone else too to be happy with, start a family or something" she mumbled, trailing off

"I couldn't have anybody else than Dad. He's McDreamy for a reason" I smiled softly, because thinking about Derek still had that effect on me and despite all the nasty stuff we told each other throughout the years, he was still McDreamy most of the time.

"How long have you been calling him like that?" she shifted the conversation

"First day as an intern"

"Whoa, he must hate it" she exclaimed surprised

"He has grown into it" I smiled

I heard the door opening and I realized the boys were home early.

"Speaking of the devil" I whispered to Grace and we both giggled

"We're home!" Derek's bass tone shouted from the foyer.

"Hi Mom, hi Grace" echoed both Kieran and Nathan. I heard them jog upstairs quickly, before two strong arms encircled my neck from behind and Derek's face appeared over my shoulder, making me jump. He kissed me gently as I was laughing hard.

"Hey, you're home" I said, capturing his lips softly again.

"Yeah, there were uninviting dark clouds in the sky" he admitted simply.

"Caught anything?"

"They did, I didn't" he smirked proudly

"Oh, bruised ego" I mocked and he kissed me again. Grace next to me cleared her throat loudly.

"Hi Grace" said him then with a smirk, leaning to kiss her cheek

"You smell like fish" she said, scrunching up her nose in disgust to welcome him home.

"Mom didn't noticed" and he seemed very surprised other than completely amused. When he went fishing and I was pregnant with Nathan or Kieran he had to have a shower before coming around me.

"Love is blind and maybe doesn't even smell properly" she replied annoyed, but with a smile on her face.

His eyes crinkled and his whole face smiled. He was still an handsome man, despite the years had passed he could still use the sexy-neurosurgeon card.

We laughed, before Kieran appeared at the bottom of the stairs. His slender figure looked just like mine, same Derek's trademark hair, his eyes greener than Grace's and more like my own. My facial features as well, just like his sister and his brother too, just a spray of freckles over his rosy cheeks like the ones Grace had, that made him such a cute teenager that I was really starting to freak out about girls lining up at our door. Being fully in the dating phase with Grace clearly didn't helped much.

Nathan followed at Kieran's heels, two big smiles plastered on their happy faces. Nathan was many inches shorter than Kieran, his hair a shade lighter but his eyes a deep blue. He was becoming a big boy in front of us and such a little troublemaker already.

"Is there something left to eat?" asked Nathan with a pleading tone, knowing that he would have had more success than Kieran asking, because he was the little brother.

"Maybe" I smiled, standing up and walking to the kitchen with them following closely.

The more I looked at the people gathered at the table, the more I thought how lucky I had been with all of this. My life was kind of perfect it seemed unreal sometimes and I didn't know who to thank for all this beautiful things.

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><p><strong>AN: Here's the first chapter. Just a brief introduction in their lives, see where they stand and stuff like that. There were two small references in the middle of the chapter but nothing really important for the developing of this story.<strong>

**I hope you liked this chapter and I don't know if I'll update another chapter before leaving for my holidays or I'll get back to you on the 15th of August. I'm sorry to make you wait that long, but real life and real holidays are a priority. **


	3. Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace

**Well well well, I really liked the feedback on this story so I'm leaving you with a longer chapter before I go on holiday.**

**The title is a namesake album by the Foo Fighters, the title got to me because a One Tree Hill episode, but the album per se it's not that bad. At least I'm not using the same songs all over again, right?**

**As I said before, it's a long chapter and it just came out, I hope you'd like it!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2 – <strong>**Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace**

The workday was finally over. It was pretty late, as I was pulled in an emergency craniotomy with some complications.

I walked in silently, switching off the light of the porch that Derek always left me on when I came back late at night. A small smile played on my lips thinking about the thoughtful yet ordinary gesture.

The light in Derek's office was on, so I entered and watched him working for a moment, taking in his tired features, his disheveled hair just slightly tingeing with white, his squinted eyes focused on the paperwork in front of him, his fingers fidgeting with a pen rhythmically. He was still a sexy man and hormones on overdrive didn't helped much, despite the crushing tiredness.

"Hey" I whispered. He immediately tilted up his head and a broad smile appeared on his lips, softening his tired features, his whole body relaxing at my sight, almost as if he was home. I felt just the same, because in those blue eyes there was my real home.

"Hey stranger, where have you been today? I haven't seen you in...well, forever, considering that we live and work together" he smirked, his eyes twinkling.

_He was pretty chatty tonight_. I slowly trudged to the desk, closing the distance between us with a chaste kiss.

"You know, hands in brains all day" I smirked. I know he had been overwhelmed with paperwork in the last few days and he hated it.

"I'm almost jealous" he grinned, his lips capturing mine again, his fingers caressing my belly secretly.

"I know"

His hand stroked gently my back, rolling down my spine skilfully, just how I love it. I immediately relaxed into his touch.

"Can you save this for later?" I said reluctantly "I'm going to check on the kids and say goodnight, then I'm all yours. All night" I whispered seductively in his ear and he smirked. _I was shivering in anticipation only at the thought, damn hormones!_

I walked upstairs trying to muffle my steps, opening the door of Nathan's room, already ajar. He was peacefully asleep, curled in a fetal position, his hair all messy on the pillow and the covers scattered around. I tucked him in better, kissing his forehead tenderly, inhaling his fresh, woodsy scent. He stirred, turning on the other side, but didn't woke up. I whispered "Good night, Monkey" before walking out.

I closed the door and moved to the room next to his, finding an awake Kieran engrossed in a book.

"Hey Mom" he mumbled, not even lifting up his stare from the page. He looked just like Derek downstairs, but a lot more excitement in his eyes. His gaze finally met mine and I smiled. I could have watched him reading all night if I needed to.

"Sorry, I was just finishing the chapter" he apologized, before I could say any remark, a smile brightening up his freckled cheeks.

"Don't worry, how was your day?"

"You know, the same. Did Nate make it awake? He wanted to wait for you"

"No, he was out cold. Were you waiting for me?" I smiled knowing that it was a stupid thing to ask to a teenager.

"Maybe" There I melted, thinking that my teenage boy was still waiting for me to come home at night "I just got caught up with this book" he admitted

"It's time for bed now, it's pretty late" I took the book from his hands and placed it on the nightstand

"'Night Mom, see you tomorrow" he smiled softly

"'Night Bubby, I love you"

Bubby was the way Grace used to call him when she couldn't properly pronounce 'buddy', as Derek used to call him when he joined the family, but the name stuck.

I shut the door of his room too, leaving him in the darkness, then I moved to Grace's room.

I found her immersed in a book like her brother, but she was studying Chemistry and the excitement in her eyes was completely forgotten. She looked tired, slumped on the bed, the book laying ungracefully in front of her, her eyes unfocused, almost puffy. She looked like she had been crying recently and a heavy burden seemed to hover over her shoulders.

"Hey Berry" I wanted to use her childhood name as well, just like every time she looked sad. She immediately looked up from the page of the book that she clearly wasn't reading, curling up her lips in a small, forced smile. "What's up?" I asked, sitting at the edge of the bed, facing her.

"Nothing, just tired, but I have to finish this" she snorted, patting ungraciously the page and not meeting my eyes. _Something was clearly wrong._

"I'll tell you about it in the car tomorrow morning, I kicked ass in Chem" I smirked, trying to make her smile. It didn't worked.

"I'll just finish reading, thanks Mom"

I ignored her dismissive answer and I sat next to her, stretching my legs and leaning my back against the headboard.

"So, what's more?" I almost pushed the issue, knowing that she wasn't going to talk if I didn't, just like me most of the time.

"Don't wanna talk about it" _exactly like me_

"Avoiding is not going to find the solution. What is it?" her gaze was transfixed to the lavender-colored walls in her room, scanning every inch of it, pushing aside the problem. "You can tell me, you know that, maybe I can help. I'm older, I've lived, tell me" I put it light, hoping she would open up

"Did you just called yourself old?" she smirked, finally

"Somehow, yeah. Hormones talking" her smile died on her lips immediately and something changed in her eyes, almost as if the light of her smirk was sharply turned off. I immediately realized that I've never told her that I was pregnant and maybe she was freaking out.

"Grace," I stressed again, softly, trying not to intrude and I saw something changing, the walls she created slowly crumbling down.

"I didn't told anybody Mom, it's big and scary and..." tears welled up in her eyes as they bore into mine and I spotted utter fear. _In the end it wasn't about my secret pregnancy, then_.

"Your secret is safe" I tried to comfort her, still keeping some distance between us to avoid making her uncomfortable, I knew she was going to lean on me if she needed it.

"Don't say anything, please" she was crying freely then, big tears sliding down her face, while all kind of worries were beginning to grow in my head. Maybe it wasn't just a stupid boy problem either if that was her reaction, and that scared me as much as it scared her.

"Okay, just tell me" I gave her a tissue and she clutched it in her fist.

"What if I'd slept with a guy, Mom?" she whispered, her voice broke. My heart slowly sank and I swallowed hard as I thought about her and a random guy.

"Grace, did he hurt you?" I mumbled, understanding suddenly all her fear and pain in her eyes, she looked away immediately, shaking her head and turning her back to me and staring outside, lying her head on the pillow, putting space between us. I saw her shaking with tears already. And I just wanted to take it all away, despite the fear and the fact that I had no idea where this was going to end.

"Grace?"

She kept sobbing, not moving an inch from her spot.

"I'm not mad that you slept with someone, I'm not mad. I know you've been careful and you're a big girl already" I tried to calm her down, but she sobbed even louder. And something seemed to crack in the end of my sentence, like I poked a brick in her wall and everything came crumbling down.

"I wasn't" she managed to blurt, before the tears could fall again. And then everything suddenly took its place and my heart broke a little for her. I laid behind her, spooning her in my arms with the same strong grip Derek used with me when I found out about her and I was afraid to sleep alone. _Be there for her, hold her, be her McDreamy_

"I don't know Mom, I think I might..." _be pregnant_, I completed mentally. Her voice was barely a whisper, my head already swirling with millions of thoughts.

"Did you took a test?" I uttered back, trying to remain coherent, strong and she shook her head

"I...I couldn't look. I threw it in the trash, I can't Mom, I can't" she kept repeating the last words in the dark, almost echoing in the room. She was crumbling so I just held her silently, letting the tears subside slowly. I brushed her dark locks and stroked her arms from her shoulder down to her forearm soothingly. We remained silent for a long time, our bodies close while she was holding on for dear life to me. It didn't felt like she didn't know if she was pregnant or not, though, feeling her body shaking ever so slightly, she seemed sure and that was even scarier. When her grip softened, she finally spoke.

"Can you...Will you stay when..." she stammered, her voice broken by sighs and sobs, her eyes bloodshot.

"I'm right here Grace, I'm not going anywhere" I recalled what Derek used to tell me to make me feel good and apparently it worked for Grace too. She remained wrapped in my arms a little while longer, then trudged to the bathroom in a funereal pace.

I took slow, deep breaths while she was in there, trying to remain strong for her, but being completely at a loss if the stick turned positive. It was something happy and wonderful when the same stick was blue a couple of days ago, because the test was mine. _She wasn't even eighteen yet_.

Grace walked back in the room with the small white stick clutched in her hand, crying desperately but silently. She sat carefully at the edge of the bed and crawled next to me in her previous spot. Tears were building up in my own eyes as well, but I blinked them away, because Grace needed me so badly and I couldn't break down when she was the one already broken.

She stretched her full hand in front of us, staring at the upside-down test with utter fear. I clasped her other hand with mine and she squeezed it as hard as I could remember. I'm here, I silently told her, without speaking.

"Time's up"

She held her breath after my words, but didn't dare to turn the test. She finally let go of my hand after an endless time and her fingers turned the plastic stick.

_Negative_.

I let out all the breaths I've been holding and she burst into more tears, all her body shook by sobs. I gently cradled her in my arms and she let go of all the fear in tears, clutching at my t-shirt just as if she was a little girl again, curled up on my lap, her head gently resting in the crook of my neck, her hot tears prickling the bare skin there. I rocked her back and fort silently, waiting for her to calm down.

"It's wrong, Mom, I took the other test from the trash yesterday and it was positive, it's wrong." she kept crying.

I brushed my hand on her back, then a sudden realization hit me again.

"Did you read the results before throwing it?"

"I just couldn't. I'm pregnant Mom" she moaned, her whole body jerking with the burden of her tears

"No, I am pregnant, Grace" I smiled softly, suddenly feeling a little bit better.

"What?"

"You took my test from the trash, not yours. I am pregnant, I have labs to confirm it, the test was mine"

She untangled from my tight hug and stared at me with tear-filled eyes and finally a little less broken expression on her face. She was just staring quizzically, trying to place all the things I said together.

"You're pregnant?" she echoed my words, crossing her brows. I managed a small smile while she kept processing the information I just gave her.

"Eight weeks along" I waited for her reaction, hoping she'll take that well, holding my breath. Her features softened for a moment and in a second, she was smiling at me again, wiping away her tears.

"You are pregnant, Mom!" she hugged me tightly but not for utter fear, simply for the joy of a new sibling.

"You are almost as excited as Dad looked" I lightened up the mood and she giggled quietly, the burden finally lifted off her shoulders.

"God, I hope this one is a girl" I finally breathed freely after her light answer, laughing with her even, putting all the tears behind our back.

"Kieran and Nate don't know yet, we just found out and we want to wait a little. Just pretend you don't know, okay?"

"Can I tell someone else?"

"Yeah" I smiled. _Amber for sure, they were such close friends. They reminded of me and Cristina, without the dark-and-twisty_.

Her face went serious for a moment. I feared her next reaction.

"How does it feel?" she asked, sitting beside me and looking straight at the wall

"What do you mean?" I frowned

"Is it magical as they say it is, because a few hours ago it didn't seemed magic at all" she confessed in a whisper.

"It is, most of the time it's that magical. Except that when I found out I was going to have you I just wanted to run for the hills" I giggled

"That bad?" she smiled tilting her head to the side, just like Derek

"You weren't exactly planned, you know" I grinned

"Well, you didn't know Dad had a wife when you met him, he told me that once"

"We both knew he was married when you showed up" I admitted, as much as I wanted her to look up at me, i wanted to tell the truth. She was old enough to handle it.

"You two were having an affair?" her eyes widened

"One night stand" I confessed, blushing "And it was his fault. He cornered me and went all McDreamy and all McGuilty, saying all the cute stuff he usually says and he yelled, and he's sexy when he yells, especially in a suit..."

"Mom, you're rambling" she cut me off, a smile appearing on her lips.

"Sorry" I blushed immediately again, realizing that probably she never wanted to know how she had been conceived in the first place. And also calling her father sexy wasn't exactly high on her list of things to hear.

"I know you're mad about this" she finally whispered.

"I was concerned, not mad" I admitted, moving closer to her

"I get it, I would have been" she sniffed

"I'm not mad. I'm glad you told me and you let me in" I kissed the top of her head tenderly and she was suddenly as small as before

"You didn't even know about Max and everything, you have a right to be mad" she stated. I indeed didn't know she was having sex with said Max, but in that exact moment I didn't cared much, that was going to hit me much later.

"I just want you to be careful, Grace. I had my shares of mistakes at your age as well, I want just the best for you" I tried to soothe her caressing her arm, because I knew what she needed right in that moment.

"You have...It happened to you too? Before me, I mean..." she asked surprised, and I wasn't afraid to answer her.

"Yeah, that's why I'm here" my mother instead hadn't been there. She was working and I remained curled up on the bathroom floor the whole night before turning the stick up and see that I wasn't pregnant of my last one night stand. I was alone even when the stick turned positive for real, but that had been a whole different story. "And you are not some kind of prom sex went wrong, you had been more than that from the beginning. And I'm not just saying it, I mean it" I added, feeling the need to point things out how they really were.

"Thanks Mom" she admitted, brushing away her last tears and sniffing loudly

"You're welcome Berry" I managed a small, reassuring smile.

"Mom?" she asked in a small, scared voice, the same she had when she used to have nightmares when she was little.

"I can stay here as long as you want, I'm not going anywhere" I almost read in her mind, knowing for sure what was going on in her head.

"Thank you" her hold tightened on me for a moment in a sort of hug, despite the fact that I was practically cradling her at that point.

"Do you want to stay at home tomorrow? I don't have to be at the hospital until later and you can catch up with Chem"

"I'll tell you in the morning" she mumbled, her eyelids dropping, no more tears falling down on her cheeks.

"I'm glad you're pregnant Mom" she added, brushing her hand over my still invisible bump. _I'm glad I am not was implied, though_.

"I love you Gracie" I kissed the top of her head. In a few moments her grip softened and she was asleep. I didn't let go though, still caressing her back softly, finally setting free all the silent tears I've been holding in the past hour.

I heard the door opening after I don't know how long and I saw Derek's head peeking in. He smiled brightly in the dim light of her nightstand.

"What's going on?" he asked, immediately frowning at the sight of Grace cradled in my arms "Is she okay?"

I nodded, but he knew he had to wait for more explanations. He moved closer and helped me move Grace.

"Are you going to be okay?" I whispered in her ear as she stirred when I slid out of her bed. She nodded not even opening her eyes.

"Love ya Mom" she blabbered, then she was asleep again.

"I love you too Berry"

I kissed her forehead, just like I did with Kieran and Nathan then I turned to Derek. He was standing there awkwardly, concerned and full of love all at the same time.

As I closed the door behind my back he immediately asked again "What happened? Have you been crying?"

I didn't answered at first, I just waited for us to be in our room to let the tears fall again silently.

"Mer, what happened?" he frowned

I jumped in bed next to him and wrapped my arms around his chest, seeking for the same comfort Grace needed from me, my hand caressing his chest while I heard his steady heartbeat under my ear, so soothing and perfect it seemed almost unreal. Except Derek was very real, since almost eighteen years.

"You don't get to be mad as I tell you this" I began, still feeling uncomfortable at breaking Grace's promise.

"Why should I get mad?"

"Grace thought she was pregnant." I saw his whole figure stiffen and I was afraid of the consequent yelling, because right in that moment I just needed him to hold me "You don't get to say anything, because that was supposed to be a secret so just keep your mouth shut" I snapped a little harshly, burying my head in his chest.

"She's not, right?" he relaxed a little as I shook my head.

"It's a long story but basically she swapped my test with hers,"

"I'm glad you were there Meredith" he said, placing a tender kiss at the top of my head, his muscles relaxing just a bit more once again.

"Don't be mad at her, she was freaking out and she needs our support. It's just...she needs someone." I almost pleaded

"You've been there when you found out about her, I know, I'm not mad, I just want her to understand the risks, to be careful" he added, so perfectly.

"I know." I pressed my lips to his quickly, just tasting him, because he was there, holding me. "It was worse for her, believe me" I sighed, wallowing in the past, tracing a line from his chest down to his navel as I settled back with my head above his heart.

"She's not with the guy anymore?" he asked, concerned

"I don't think so, but that doesn't matter much"

"What do you mean?" I could see him frowning just from the shift in his voice

"At seventeen it's not a matter of guys, it's a matter of utter fear of waking up in the morning discovering you're pregnant. I was freaking out when Grace turned the stick positive, but I knew what I wanted to do. At seventeen you don't know anything, you simply can't breathe" a small tear made the way out of the corner of my eye and his brain began to work frantically again, placing all the pieces together. His hold on me tightened.

"Mer" my name rolled out of his lips so softly it was almost begging for more, because he knew there was more. So I gave in, because he would have loved me anyway.

"It was negative. I was almost seventeen. One night stand after too much tequila. I wasn't Grace and my mother wasn't there" I quickly listed, trying to keep emotions at bay, but it seemed nearly impossible with the raging hormones playing havoc.

"But you were, Meredith" he stated and just that made me feel better, because I had been there for Grace, I had been a better mother.

"I know. That's why I still love my Mom, because she showed me how I shouldn't treat my kids" I hugged him tightly

"God, you amaze me every day more, Meredith Shepherd"

I was finally able to smile and I relaxed even more in his arms, enjoying his presence. His hands kept caressing my skin, grazing with particular gentleness my barely visible bump and suddenly my hormones were on overdrive again when he touched a particularly ticklish spot, just like when he was sitting in the studio. I grazed my hand at the waistband of his boxer, teasing him and he smiled.

"I promised you something before, right?" I whispered huskily, knowing that we both were okay with this, more or less.

"Maybe, yes, I think I recall an 'all yours, all night' or something like that" his throaty chuckle reverberated in his chest and I laughed with him, before rolling on top of him.

"I like to keep my promises" I smirked, attacking his lips and losing every ounce of worry into his arms, feeling even more home.

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><p><strong>AN: Clarifying, Meredith is a Neuro attending, working under Derek even if they practically run the department together. <strong>

**I remind that Soft Shock picked up right after prom night, so all things happened later could have happened or not, I decide to throw them in or not. **

**I hope you liked it, I'm kind of happy of how things turned out, this chapter was originally a completely different version so well, I worked a lot on it.**

**Well, I'm saying goodbye for now, you'll hear from me surely after the 4th of August, maybe earlier if I find some random internet connection in the middle of nowhere surrounded by woods and mountains. I'll write though, don't worry!**

**Thank you to all people who began reading this story and already like it, you're great!**


	4. Surprise, Surprise

**Readers, I'm back!**

**I had been busier than usual unpacking and visiting relatives, but I officially found time to update this story and my other one ongoing. I also wrote a few chapters while I was away, so I'm really happy about those holidays.**

**Anyway, cutting short, the title is from Mistaken For Strangers by The National, my new obsession, apparently. I had an hard time finding a title, so it's kind of random, but I'm sure you won't mind.**

**Thank you for all your reviews and feedback and keep them coming!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3 – Surprise, Surprise<strong>

"Oh, I'm going to kill him!" Cristina exclaimed as soon as I met her at the coffee cart where I was ordering a muffin. Her whole demeanor meant that she was in a hurry and the wrinkled scrubs didn't really helped to make her look relaxed and calm.

"What did he do?" I knew for sure it must have been one of the two boys in her house that had her so pissed off, I had pronounced that sentence so many times that it had lost its meaning already and I had my own three to deal with.

"He wants a sleepover with his friendly friends!" she groaned.

"So it's Andrew" I sighed, almost amused

"Well for once Owen is being really supportive. The military experience is becoming handy"

At least she was still joking about it "How many kids?"

"Five, including your youngest tornado"

"Nathan is not that bad" I grinned, knowing too well how difficult he could be to handle if he was in a mood.

"When he's asleep!" she leaned against the wall. "There was a reason I have never wanted kids"

"Cristina" I looked at her seriously.

"You know I love him, just like I love Owen, but why can't they just do what I want for once"

"They are boys. Old or young doesn't matter." I smirked. Derek could be worse than Nathan sometimes.

"Why are we always outnumbered?" she whined "Can I borrow Grace for a few days?" she grinned innocently

"She's all mine. I carried her around for nine months"

"But I'm her godmother" she retorted, and I decided to let it go or we could continue for hours.

"I can let Andrew have a sleepover with Nathan, but just the two of them" I proposed, trying to help her solve the situation and knowing that one kid more in my house was not going to be a huge difference, chaos dominated anyway.

"I bet there's a male conspiracy in my house" she groaned, completely ignoring my offer for a moment.

"I might get my girly revenge sooner than you think" I smirked, my hand going to rest on my slightly rounder stomach out of an habit.

"What are you planning with Grace?" she was suddenly interested but she clearly missed my automatic gesture. I pulled her aside in a quiet corner of the hospital and I looked at her while she frowned "This must be good"

"I'm pregnant" I blurted, my face stretching a wide smile "And I feel it's a girl"

"What?" Cristina's eyes widened.

"Yeah, well..." I blushed "It happened"

"Oh, you're going for the fourth kid. You still go at it like rabbits, you and Shepherd, uh?"

"Cristina!" I faked annoyance while a rosy blush lingered on my cheeks.

"I'm still wondering how all those kids of yours haven't heard you yet"

"We are good, quiet sneakers"

"Oh, well, the name Miranda Bailey doesn't ring any bells?"

"We were young an inexperienced at the time" I tried to defend myself. After all those years it was still embarrassing when she caught us in my old driveway.

"It's amazing, really"

"Whatever Cristina" I said beginning to walk away "I take back my offer to leave Andrew out of your hair for a night. I bet you were thinking about following my footsteps all night long" I winked before turning away. I could get very mean during pregnancies, that was a fact.

Finally my day was over around dinnertime and I was relieved to go home, despite the day at the hospital hadn't been really that terrible. I liked being home and the early stages of pregnancy usually had me always tired all day long, especially after work.

The entire family was gathered at the table, and I took the occasion to eat something more as the nausea had completely vanished since lunch when I had been barely able to eat a sandwich before throwing up in a matter of hours.

Derek looked at me amused as something more meant _a lot_ more, while Grace was doing her best to remain quiet, trying not to laugh. Kieran looked worried as I shoved a big mouthful of pizza in my mouth and ate it like it was the best food ever invented. I craved pizza and Derek dully obeyed dutifully. He was well trained after three pregnancies, all of them bringing up the weirdest cravings.

"Did you eat at all Mom?" Nathan asked then, the only one brave enough to reproach me.

"Looks like you're eating for two" I heard Kieran mutter under his breath. Never a remark had been thrown more perfectly than this.

"Because she is" mumbled Grace to herself. I gave her the I-use-scalpels-for-a-living look and she realized she shouldn't have said that. My eyes met Derek's and he was slightly worried, just like me.

"Are you serious, Grace?" asked Kieran, his eyes widening and his slice of pizza remaining midair, half bitten.

"Yeah, she's serious" I stepped in "you're having a new sibling" I found Derek's eyes again, the same sparkles of hope we had when we told him about Nathan mirrored in his gaze.

"Cool!" cheered Kieran. Last time it didn't ended that well from his side.

"I guess that's okay" mumbled Nathan flatly. I sighed. _Someone had to be disappointed after all_.

I looked around and both Derek, Kieran and Grace were smiling, the same irresistible smile that all of them had and that made me weak to my knees, while Nathan remained quiet, a small, fake smile on his lips.

"Nate, would you mind helping me with something?" I asked, as a cue to let us be. He stood up silently, while the rest of the table remained smiley and joyful, eating their pizza. I went to sit on the couch and Nathan sat on the opposite end, leaving distance between us while he kept looking at me strangely.

"What is it?" I asked, not pushing much, but just trying to understand.

"I don't know" he answered sincerely, scrunching up his nose in the cutest way that Derek told me once it's just like what I do when I think hard about something.

"Okay, take your time and think about it, I have all evening" I sat more comfortably on the couch, my hand moving instinctively to my abdomen where the questioned new sibling rested peacefully.

"Grace is okay, I mean, she helps with my homework and picks me up when you are busy, but Kay is annoying sometimes" he babbled "He steals all my stuff"

"Your toys are his as well, actually they have been his toys before and you've always shared pretty well" I stated, looking at him to see his reaction

"I know" he sighed

"But you like fishing with him, right? And playing catch or watch the games with him and Dad?"

"Yeah I do. But babies cry" he frowned

"You cried a lot too when you were a baby" I smiled at the memory. He hadn't been a really whiny baby, but I needed to twist things up a bit.

He sighed, looking away. His arguments weren't strong enough and he hated being wrong, just like Derek. He was a grown boy already, but some childish sides still appeared, especially when it was just the five of us.

He silently trudged out towards his room a bit defeated and his place was quickly replaced by Kieran. He was deep in thought again, the initial excitement slowly fading. _Not good._

"I'm gonna be in high school next year and I'm having a sibling" he mumbled, more to himself than for me to hear. _There we go_.

"Grace will go to college soon" I replied as a matter-of-fact, still shivering at the thought. All my born kids weren't kids anymore.

"Yeah" he sighed. _That was the real issue, then, Grace_.

"You don't want Grace to go to college?" he shook his head.

"She takes care of all of us when you and Dad are at work and I don't think I can do it as well as she does" he sighed, almost resigned

"You don't have to. You're doing perfectly already and we have lots of time to adapt to changes" I smiled at him and he kept staring at me with a serious expression, I could almost hear him thinking. He was a good big brother and he cared about everybody, he almost surprised all of us when he didn't became the troublemaker Nathan revealed himself to be a few years later.

"You and Dad are not going to break up or something, right?" his question brought a sad smile on my face. I had seen him looking at us more frequently and I was worried about him a little.

"No fool, we are not. We argue, you know that, but we always make up" I tried to smile more brightly.

"That's what Donnie thought" he sighed. _Donnie his classmate?_

"Did Donnie's parents broke up?"

"Kind of. His dad left and came back with someone else"

"Believe me, it's never gonna happen. I'm not going anywhere, so is Dad" I believed in what I said, because we had been through hell and back together and seriously, who had time for an affair?

"Okay" he wasn't very convinced, though.

"Can you smile for me, please?" the corner of his lips curved up and he moved closer, his eyes immediately darting on my stomach.

"So there's a baby here" he said, poking it gently.

"Pretty amazing uh?"

Kieran laughed, then leaned his head on my shoulder, becoming quiet all of a sudden. Nathan joined us on the couch, squeezing himself on my other side between me and the cushion, placing his head on my chest as well. His fingers began drawing small circles on my stomach, his eyes softer than before while I ran my fingers in his golden locks.

I don't know how long we remained squeezed in each other's arms, the only thing I know is that Derek had to wake up Nathan and practically carry him upstairs because he was too sleepy to even stand on his own.

"Are you happy, Gracie?" I asked my daughter, as she sat with me on the couch after loading the dishwasher for me when Nathan was out cold already and Kieran was upstairs in his room, preparing to go to bed.

"About the baby?" I nodded "As long as it is a girl" she giggled "No, Mom I'm happy, really, I told you. I'm just sad that I'll miss a lot, going to college" she sighed

"Kieran wants you to stay as well"

"He told me. Maybe we should fly to Grandma before I enroll and stay there a couple of days, just me and Kay, maybe Nate if he wants to come along, even if I don't like the idea of the two of them flying back all alone"

"Yeah, me neither." I shuddered "But that would be great" her smile at my agreement didn't even reach her eyes, almost as if something wasn't really right.

"You know, I'm not very keen on the idea of moving out either," she admitted "Washington's Med School is quite good, right?" she looked up to see my reaction and my lips curled up in a smile finally knowing that she probably wanted to follow our footsteps.

"You can go wherever you like, just keep your head above the water and ignore gossip. I've been there, you can always talk to me when they'll get too annoying." I smirked at the idea of straightening college students. _I've always wanted to do that, since I was myself in college!_

"Believe me, they do. When the Bio teacher spoke about the Shepherds Method I wanted to bury myself under the desk" she giggled.

I was proud of the virus I developed with Derek to cure brain tumors and despite I was still known as Dr. Grey at the hospital, I was Mrs. Shepherd everywhere else, so we agreed on naming our successful trial the Shepherds Method. I could still remember the day like yesterday, Kieran was a few months old and I developed all the paperwork and the necessary crap during my maternity leave while I managed to juggle Grace and a newborn. After three weeks I was going mental, but it had been worth every second spent on it.

"Oh, I lived half of my life behind the Grey Method, we're on the same ship here" I replied.

"I'm glad I still have some more time to decide though" she said, becoming serious again after a soft chuckle.

"You're gonna be extraordinary anyway, Grace" and I meant it.

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><p><strong>AN: So, the secret is out. The title was lame, I told you. <strong>

**This story won't really be only about this pregnancy but much more about all the things revolving around Meredith and Derek, told mostly by Meredith's PoV. when I'll change it, I'll tell you. **

**I hope that after all this time you still like this story and that maybe it would have been better if I had made a sequele of You Suddenly Complete Me rather than this. If you hate it, just tell me and I can work on fixing it. It won't be a very long story anyway, I plan on 20 chapters tops, reveal some skeletons, close up a few storylines, nothing major. Things happened in the past 17 years and we're gonna explore some of them so I hope you'll still be here. **

**Thank you for all the reviews and feedback so far, it's very much appreciated!**


	5. I'd Rather Dance With You

**Sorry guys it took me a while, but I didn't got as many responses as my other fiction, Love Is A Doing Word, is getting, so I kind of focussed a little bit more on that and let this slide. I'm an awful author, I know.**

**Considering that it's mostly a sweet, nice family story, I guess it's fine if I just update once a week or so, considering this a series of one shots set somewhere in the distant future and all of them have a background story that connects them, i hope you gaught the bits and pieces of said story in those first chapters. I bet you want more and I'll try to give you the best I can, with no beta and lots of editing work. Thank you for your patience, it really means a lot for me, even if there just a few of you out there reading. I noticed more views on Soft Shock so maybe, later on...;)**

**Anyway, the title is a nice song by the Norwegian duo Kings Of Convenience. The video if the song was kind of nice too, if I remember right. **

**Enjoy this update, my few readers and once again, thank you for reading, reviewing and just being there!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 4 – I'd Rather Dance With You<strong>

I hated conferences. Completely useless and time consuming. Okay, well, sometimes they were useful, I just couldn't stand being away from my family for days, neither I enjoyed when it was Derek who needed to fly somewhere at the opposite end of the country, even if he usually went away mostly for consults rather than conferences.

This time it had been a consult Philadelphia and the only reason I was glad that he was flying there was that he was going to visit Carolyn and show her the last pictures of the newest family member.

I wasn't slightly upset for the fact that he was going to be away for five full days, nor that I had the whole responsibility of the family in that moment, it happened before, I was upset because he was going to miss Nathan's first soccer game ever.

Despite both his siblings picking up basketball, the little one was a soccer guy. He had never been a rough player, both me and Derek knew it, but we agreed that he should choose something he liked as long as he picked a sport to stay healthy. We knew Kieran had been influenced by Grace, he practically worshiped the ground his sister walked onto, but in the end he liked the sport.

We had been surprised when Grace came out with basketball at first. I know Derek wanted her to dance or to do something girly, but my Mommy's self was proud of her from the beginning. We didn't even know her school had a team before her PE teacher suggested us to let her tryout for the team. And she had so much fun that she kept going, despite our initial doubts. She was in a good team as well, not the top choice player, but she knew what to do when she stepped on court.

Kieran instead was a little sport guy, but basketball suited him perfectly right from the beginning. He wasn't really tall, but the playmaking position had been like his second skin. He played as a decent shooting guard as well, maybe inspired by his sister's role, even if Grace preferred playing small forward. She liked the unseen, dirty work.

Nathan changed the path. Being a little distant of age from them maybe influenced the choice, but both me and Derek agreed in his preference for soccer. He had been practicing so hard for this game, but Derek wasn't going to be there. We argued and as always we saved the bad yelling, but we came close to it. He just couldn't miss this trip, neither delay this consult or the man was going to die.

I forced him to make up to us by saying hello to his mother and I promised to record every second of the game, but Nathan was clearly so disappointed and upset that he refused to go with him fishing the weekend before the game and went with me and Grace grocery shopping instead. Derek was crushed and felt so bad about it, but I understood Nathan's reaction, I had been in his position countless times, so I rearranged my schedule to be there at any case and I practically begged the residents to run the place for me _and_ for Derek. As always they were thrilled, so we all gained something.

I took all the family minus Derek to the game and Kieran was ecstatic to see his little brother playing, while Grace finally smiled, despite being still a little down. She smiled and I could finally breathe properly, because the initial freak out about the fake pregnancy didn't broke her and once more proved me how strong she is. Stubborn and tough sometimes, but for good reasons. She had been the one to set the video camera at the field as soon as we arrived and take care of it, so Kieran and I could enjoy the game.

I immediately smiled seeing Nathan in his oversized jersey, a huge number printed on the back of his jersey, his shorts barely above his knee, but a huge smile on his already happy face. My heart swelled in pride and ached at the same time because Derek couldn't enjoy this. The anger towards him became resignation, slight disappointment and I-hate–our-job kind of feeling, because I knew too well he couldn't do anything about it even if he wanted to.

When we made it home, Nathan was still jumping up and down, because he had been able to shot the ball many times and he had almost scored. Despite the exhaustion, our spirits were light.

I slumped on the couch as the kids went upstairs, doing their homework. I closed my eyes for a moment, rubbing my barely noticeable thirteen-weeks baby bump before I could hear bare feet tiptoeing around me almost like in a silent dance. _Nathan_. My eyes snapped open and he flinched away, surprised, before managing a guilty face.

"Sorry Mommy I woke you up" he apologized

"I was just resting my eyes" I grinned, then he sat next to me snuggling to my side, his legs bending on the couch.

"When is Daddy home?" he asked then, clinging to my side. _He had been nicknamed Monkey for a reason after all_.

"Tomorrow we are all going to pick him up from the airport and he might bring you something you'd like"

I asked Derek to buy a small gift only for him, to make him feel special and maybe making up a little for the game he lost. He looked so sad in that moment though, that I thought that perhaps nothing was going to be enough.

"Okay" he sighed. I kissed the top of his head.

"Daddy tried his best to be here today, but he just couldn't miss this. He's saving someone else's Daddy, you know that, right?" I felt almost guilty saying it, because we both knew that he missed something big for him.

"Yeah. I'm going to ask him how was it as soon as we'll pick him up" he said almost accepting. "Did you had fun, Mommy?" he asked then.

"I think I'm going to see your next game as well" I smiled brightly, rubbing his back energetically. "You played good"

"Maybe I'll score next time" his reply was filled with hope

"I'm sure you'll score plenty of times before the season is over"

"It was the first game Mom!" he chuckled. I noticed lately how he kept switching between Mom and Mommy and I realized more than ever that my little boy was growing up so fast. My free hand moved to my stomach, knowing that Mommy will stick around for a little while more.

"That's why" I smirked

"You're silly sometimes Mommy" we both smiled and I ruffled his short, sandy hair, then he settled back in my embrace and remained quiet.

"I still can't believe how can a baby stay here" he wondered out loud, his finger poking gently his invisible sibling.

"You'll believe it in a couple of months" I kept smiling

"Yeah, I saw the photos when I was in there too, Daddy showed them to me. You looked beautiful Mommy"

"That's because you are so handsome I had to match somehow" I smiled, my heart squeezing at his observation. I was happy when he was in there, really freaking happy. More happy than I've ever been with Kieran or probably even with Grace, not considering our wedding day.

"Yuck, Mom, that was cheesy" he frowned, before we both began to laugh.

We dearly wished for Nathan, despite everything. It took us so much effort to expand the family, hence the age gap between him and Kieran, but we had been so happy when the stick turned blue for him. It meant a rough patch had just ended and I knew our happiness was almost contagious when we finally met that bundle of blankets that had been Nathan William Shepherd. I almost cried more than when I saw Grace for the first time and that's enough said.

Not that his older siblings weren't just as special, it was a matter of events that kept me tearing for a while more, holding that tiny, fragile body in my arms. And he was immediately snugly and cuddly, our Monkey.

"What's so funny?" I heard Kieran's voice from the door as he entered the room.

"Nothing," replied Nathan "Mom is just being cheesy and silly"

"Dad is rubbing off on you, uh?" he snickered, joining our laugh. His eyes crinkled in the same way of his father and he looked like him every day more, except for the eyes and the freckles. I really loved his freckles.

_Speaking of resemblance..._

"Mom, how do you 'dance it out'?" Grace appeared out of nowhere in front of me, a frantic tone in her voice, using air quotes as well. Her blue eyes wide, her air tied in a messy bun and in that moment, she was the split image of me, when I freaked out to Cristina.

"You mean..."

"Yeah, the Cristina's dancing out" she cut me off. I narrowed my eyes, scrutinizing her.

"Okay what's wrong?" _except the obvious issues that your brothers should never need to know_

"That Math bi-...teacher is doing a test in two days and nobody knows what the heck are we talking about!" she vented. I ignored the almost-curse in front of Nathan and smiled, relieved that her life was becoming normal again, filled with normal problems and normal freaking out.

"Pick a CD. Danceable or not doesn't matter" I ordered. I wanted her 'dancing things out' to be a little more realistic than my music-less dance parties. She moved to the shelves dedicated to CDs and smartly avoided all Derek's and mine, hovering a moment over hers, original and burned mix all together in her personal order I'd never understand.

"Is Jovanotti okay?" she lifted up the latest CD she bought. It was an Italian singer a friend suggested her when she began Italian classes. The rhythm of it was catchy, thus I didn't understood a thing. I still marveled how and where she was able to find that in an actual store.

"Whatever you like. You put it on and you move, that's dancing out" I explained simply.

For a moment I thought back when it was me and Cristina dancing things out, when Addison showed up or when Burke proposed and she accepted, when she was left at the altar and Grace was sleeping soundly upstairs or right after prom, before Grace made her presence felt. _It seemed ages ago_.

As I came back to reality, I saw Grace swaying her hips following the upbeat song, a smile slowly creeping on her face as she danced quite on tune.

"It works!" she exclaimed, excited.

A wide smile crept on my lips, then I looked at Kieran who was frowning, while Nathan was smiling as well. The latter wriggled out of my arms and started bouncing next to Grace, his tempo a little bit more off than hers.

And in that second I thought 'what the hell!' and I joined them, careful to not overdo much, but still roaming around the coffee table, the soft carpet sliding under my feet and finally feeling light as a feather, all the weariness dissipated. Kieran, despite the frown, was smiling, tapping his foot at the captivating beat.

When I turned to the door, I thought I had definitely gone mental as I noticed Derek leaning against the frame, sexily as always, a broad smile plastered to his face, his eyes tired, but sparkling with joy. The whole image of him screamed 'messy' but I didn't care, because he was the best vision in the world.

It was when Nathan screamed his name and ran in his arms that I realized he wasn't just a vision but he actually managed to be home early. He kept smiling brightly while Nate was crushing him in his little arms, tightly hugging him, despite everything.

"You missed my game" he sighed, as he let go and made room for his siblings to greet him, a pout taking the place of his smile.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise, just give me a minute to roll upstairs my things, okay?" Derek kept smiling and Nathan didn't seemed much disappointed anymore.

When Derek lifted up his eyes and met mine, an automatic smile curled up my lips, I just couldn't help it.

"Hey" he finally said

"Hey, how did it go?" I replied, moving closer to him automatically, my arms reaching out for him, my brain still unsure that he was standing there in the first place. Before I could think about anything more, his lips found mine for a slow, longing kiss that said 'I've missed you' like nothing else and at the same time left room for more need.

"The guy is doing great," he said as he pulled away, my head still fuzzy from the kiss "Grandma misses everybody like crazy. She practically jumped around the kitchen as I showed her the pictures" he chuckled at the memory. "Kathleen was there too and her reaction was similar"

I giggled with him, before kissing him again, his hands sneaking under my t-shirt to graze my stomach and finally showing freely how much he missed everybody when his eyes softened at the mere thought of the baby growing under his fingertips. I felt my knees become jelly under his soft, chaste touch and I had to pull away from him before permanently traumatizing our children.

"I'm glad you're home. We all are" I whispered, before he walked to his bag to bring it upstairs. I followed him, cornering him as soon as the door of our bedroom closed and kissing him with everything I had.

When I pulled away we were both breathless, our cheeks rosy and heated from a mere kiss. I giggled, taking in his disheveled appearance, but still loving every inch of him.

"What were you doing as I came in?" he smirked, something sparkling in his eyes, suddenly a shade darker that clearly meant he enjoyed the show.

"Dancing out Grace's surprise Math test"

"Oh, I see" he chuckled "You're lucky I couldn't jump you or that would have been definitely living-room, welcome-back sex" his laugh building deep in his chest and mine simply joined his.

"Save that for tonight, Nate was a little disappointed before we danced"

"I have the perfect solution for that. You taped the whole game, right?"

"Thanks to Grace" I smirked

"Perfect. I'll be downstairs with Nathan then" he said, kissing me one last time before walking out.

I followed him after a bathroom break and I found both him and Nathan snuggled on the couch, their socked feet propped up on the coffee table and the TV on. As I paid attention to the show, it wasn't really an evening broadcast or a DVD, it was the game Derek missed. He was asking question after question to Nathan who was eagerly answering all of them. He was cheering him and asking his feelings and opinions about referee's calls and his own actions. I stared at them endlessly, rubbing my stomach in circles at the realization once more what a good father Derek had became.

Not just for the boys, but also for Grace, he had always been there, tried his best to make it to every event and when he missed it, like in this case, he did everything in his power to make it up to them. We both knew that we were missed when we went away for a while and we knew even better that the best gift we could give to our kids was coming home and spending time with them, not a new toy or something cool brought from a weird place somewhere.

Nathan was laughing then, forgetting completely his afternoon's grumpiness before the game. Derek just sat there with him, listening to his babbling about the game and watching carefully every action, maybe missing less than what I missed, as I was busy checking on Nate every five seconds to see if nobody had knocked him out yet or just to admire his oversized outfit one more time.

I let them be then, saying goodnight to both Grace and Kieran and waiting for Derek in bed, picking up a book and killing time before his full report on the trip, medically and non-medically speaking, a smile still plastered on my face, because he came home earlier and he also made Nathan an happy boy again.

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><p><strong>AN: Okay, maybe this story is completely out of character, because I put so much of myself into Grace that, well... Grace could easily be my alter ego, the better part, the one that's not lazy, annoying, obsessed and well, whatever. My basketball memories will be covered in one of the next chapters and I know most readers are girls, but I hope you liked this choice I made. It's a bit atypical for a girl to choose basketball instead of dance classes, but well, it happens. And she's Meredith Grey-Shepherd's daughter, after all ;)<strong>

**The Italian artist ****above-****mentioned had just relased a CD, "Ora", when I was writing this chapter or at least it was around the time I managed to listen to that great album. I think it was playing on the loop while I was writing *whistle*. **

**Jovanotti is one of the few Italian artists that I respect at the moment. He was on tour in New York and Los Angeles a few months ago, so maybe someone had actually heard him even out of Italy. We come from the same region, it must be regional pride or something that makes me like him. Or he's really good ;)**

**After my free sponsor to Jovanotti, I declare this update officially over, I hope you'll be on board for the next one, but I won't give any deadline, I'll update when I feel like it, but consider this story a weekly business, LADW is sucking the time out of me ;)**


	6. Safe At Home

**It's been a while, I know, I came back yesterday and I was busy unpacking so I didn't have much time to update this story as well. I'm sorry, I know random updates are frustrating.**

**Anyway, after 4 chapters of Meredith, I decided to get into Derek's head and just add some fluff. Here we go, Safe at Home by The Constantines, a beautiful lullaby-like song. Enjoy the song and the chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5 – Safe At Home<strong>

I entered in our bedroom after putting an exhausted Nathan into bed, only to find Meredith asleep as well. A book was laying on her lap, her head tilted to the side, her lips curled up in a secret smile. The more I looked at her, the better she looked. And sometimes I still marveled that she was my wife.

Probably sensing my eyes on her, she stirred and with a goofy smile woke up.

"I can't believe I still fall asleep so easily" she mumbled something that resembled a groan.

"It's been a long day" I smiled softly, laying next to her and kissing her temple, then pulling away a strand of hair from her face.

"I hate it" she spat, then she realized that the hormones were running freely once again and she groaned a second time.

I just leaned in and kissed her lips softly, not wanting to initiate anything, just grateful to have her there, in our bed, after eighteen years, a baby on our way while our three other children slept soundly in their bedrooms. _Okay, maybe Grace was still up but she was seventeen after all_.

I had missed her in the past four days, missing her smell, her lovely way in which she woke up in the morning, her secret glances while we met in the hospital and we still pretended we weren't married, how good her kisses tasted and simply her and all the things that were Meredith. I had missed my children too, obviously aching to have missed such a big day for Nathan still haunted me, but being away from Meredith made me work a little less happier than usual. And people noticed it, unfortunately.

"How did it go on the East Coast?" Meredith asked quietly, and I couldn't help but smile at the thought because overall, the trip had been worth every single second away from Meredith.

_The consult I had made and the consequent surgery hadn't been easy, the guy was still touch and go, but I ringed happily the doorbell of my childhood home. My mother still lived there and each time I got in, a series of mixed emotions overwhelmed me, from the ones of my childhood to the last Christmas spent there with the kids. _

_The door was opened by a tall, still slender woman after her six kids, her hair a dark shade, but the both of us knew she dyed them. _

"_Kathleen!" I smiled happily and it sounded like thirty or more years before, when I opened that same door after school, except that the greeting would have been a lot less happier than that._

_Kathleen jumped at my neck and hugged me tightly. It had been almost two years after our last meeting and I had missed my oldest sister. Her father-in-law had had some health problems and she and her husband had needed to keep an eye on him a tad more often than before, so we never had matching schedules when we came visiting._

"_Oh Derek, it's been so long" she said, releasing me from her arms._

"_Yeah. How's Hank?"_

"_He finally decided to go to a facility, but he's still the same old stubborn man" she grinned, clearly relieved by the new accommodation for the man but at the same time, missing him._

"_Oh, that's good"_

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_Consult in Philly, Meredith forced me to come and visit Mom. The troop is still __back in Seattle, don't go ahead of yourself" I concluded, before she could ask and I could see her smirk._

"_I bet Nathan is five inches taller than how I remember him"_

"_I'm gonna lose his first soccer game tomorrow" I swallowed and she looked at me sympathetically, she had been through the same after all. _

"_I'm so sorry Derek" she said, putting her hand on my shoulder, then pulling me in the house "Come on in, it's not nice to keep your brother out in the rain" she said, finally noticing the heavy raindrops that had begun to fall after a whole afternoon with dark clouds._

_As soon as she closed the door, my mother appeared from the kitchen with her warm smile, the short white hair and the crinkles around her eyes._

"_Hello sweetheart" she grinned_

"_Hi Mom" I replied, walking closer to her and following her in the kitchen when she disappeared. I kissed her cheek while she stirred something that smelled really good in a pot._

"_I wish Meredith and the kids were her too, but I can't complain"_

"_I can leave, you know" I chuckled, knowing my mother too well to take it personally._

"_I'm glad you took a detour and you caught a glimpse of your sister. She's staying for lunch too"_

"_I actually missed my older sister" I said, my voice raising a bit and Kathleen immediately appeared in the kitchen._

"_What? Too many boys at home that you miss girls?" she smirked and my mother giggled at our antics._

"_I live with the two most beautiful women on Earth, I can't complain. And maybe the score will tie, who knows" I smirked, knowing that nosy as they were, they couldn't help but ask questions. _

_I knew I had just arrived, but I needed to share the news with anyone. We had decided to wait to spread the news of the pregnancy in case things didn't go as planned, considering the age and out busy jobs, but at this point we felt comfortable enough to shoot it from the rooftops._

"_What are you plotting Derek?" my mother understood immediately that I said that on purpose to heat the conversation._

"_Oh well, I don't think I can tell you without Meredith here" I faked_

"_We can call her. Skype her. What about teleport?"_

"_As much as technology has improved, she's still in Seattle and she'll remain there, but I guess I can work out something, let me just call her"_

_I went out of the room and I could hear both of them mumbling and sharing thoughts about my statement while I faked a phone call and I simply went upstairs to settle my bag._

_When I came downstairs, Kathleen was laying the table so I helped her. She was looking up a me every five seconds and I knew she was eager to ask, but she kept quiet, knowing that it would have been pointless. When Mom came in with the soup and we sat, I finally decided to talk but Mom preceded me._

"_So Derek, how are things back home?"_

_The perfect question to introduce the news "Well, Grace is almost in college, she'll probably decide for premed and I still can't grasp the concept. Kieran is doing great, both in school and at practice, his games will start next week, Nathan is a perfect second grader, he began playing soccer and as I said, I'm gonna miss his game tomorrow because I'm here."_

"_Oh Derek" my mother reacted, resting her rough hand on my forearm. Since I __could remember, she had always had rough hands for all the work she did at home and outside and it was weird how they never changed._

"_I asked Meredith to tape it, then I'll watch it again with him when I come home" I said proudly, finally able to figure out something on the ride here to make it up to him for the lost game. _

"_That's a good idea. How's Meredith anyway?" Kathleen asked "Always the children first" she mumbled to herself and I couldn't help to chuckle._

"_Meredith, well, she's doing great" I smiled widely. She was indeed feeling a lot better than the past weeks, the morning sickness slowly fading away day to day._

"_Okay, that sick puppy face means that you miss her more than usual. What's going on? Are you two having a romantic getaway after this, did you had one? Do you miss the sex? Does she-" _

_Kathleen spilled things until I blurted "She's pregnant" and the table fell silent, before both of the women cheered happily. I could see something different in my mother's eyes, like she had wanted this little miracle for us, her twinkle of happiness contagious._

"_That's wonderful, Derek." she said then before Kathleen could add "As long as it's a girl" _

"_Why everybody keeps saying that?" I wondered, faking clueless._

"_I don't know how that woman puts up with all three of you" smirked my mother "Knowing that my grandchildren are your carbon-copy and you were an handful alone" _

"_It wasn't me, it was Mark" I said, once again feeling like I was six and Mom found a frog in the microwave._

"_I see that some things never change" she smirked._

"It was good to be home" I summarized

"You said there was Kathleen there, how is she doing?"

"They put Hank in a home and she looked a lot better than two years ago"

"Heck, I still can't believe it's been two years"

"Me neither. She said that she wants to see our baby girl growing through Skype" I referred and Meredith giggle happily.

"You know, if we'll have another boy I bet someone will switch bassinets just to make us have a girl"

At this point I laughed really hard, considering that half of my family was sleeping already, but Meredith joined me happily. When she finally calmed down, she leaned on my chest and my hand immediately went to rest on her slightly rounder stomach.

"You won't mind that I'll get ridiculously fat, right?" she said in a small, sleepy voice after a few minutes, sleep claiming her once again.

"Have I minded it the last three times?" I smiled, kissing the top of her head just to notice that she was already out as a light.

I listened to her even breaths become soft snores, then I feel asleep holding her, never a better place invented to rest after four days apart.

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><p><strong>AN: There was a huge flashback that practically became the biggest part of this chapter. I hope you didn't mind much.<strong>

**Anyway, this is it for now, it's on the short side, I know. **

**I will be back soon, my few readers!**


	7. Where Are We Runnin?

**Well, two updates in the same week, you are lucky!**

**This one it's a bit different from the others, also very personal I guess, but I'll ramble more in the final AN, so you won't get bored before the update.**

**The song is by Lenny Kravitz and it had been with me my whole life. I was like 10 or less when I heard it on the radio and I couldn't stop playing it when I found it on a CD. Anyway, chpater 6, enjoy!**

**Chapter 6 - Where Are We Runnin'?**

Basketball has always fascinated me.

At this point, I could see differences from Grace's way of playing basketball and Kieran's. They were imperceptible for someone who didn't knew rules and didn't watched every game, but I made sure to be that mother who keeps tracks of scores and cares. After so many years, I could see differences.

I was proud of my children when they won, even prouder when they lost but they fought hard for every ball. That was exactly what was happening with Grace.

Her team was down by four points, two minutes on the clock before halftime. Grace was fighting on the court.

I focused my attention on her, taking in the slightly sweaty green jersey with the white number on her back, her eyes flickering while she followed her opponent and the ball at the same time.

Every time Grace tried to explain me some of the plays they were using, I could easily find brain surgery less tricky. She was running and I was watching her, fascinated and a bit amazed that I made her from scratch. I turned to Derek and his beaming smile wasn't comparable to any of his other smiles: that was the proud daddy smile.

The buzzer broke the hustling and bustling of the players and all of a sudden, everything was calm again. Grace threw a death glare to her opponent before disappearing in the locker room with her teammates.

"That's a good game" Derek said proudly from his seat, standing up and stretching his limbs. Slowly, reality reappeared around me as my focus shifted from Grace's disappearing form, back to the three boys sitting next to me.

"She's guarding that girl like a hawk" commented Kieran by his side.

"She shoot a pretty basket" ended Nathan.

It was an important game and we all wanted to see it. The opponent was one of the toughest team to beat but they weren't giving up.

"She took a pretty tough blow" it was the only comment I could master, winning glares from the rest of the family. Boys knew how to take hits, Grace was still my only girl -yet, hopefully- and I felt kind of possessive of her physical integrity.

The game had been rough and kind of violent from the start, elbows and hands never failing to be in contact with the opponent, holding them out and fighting not much subtly. The referee though didn't fouled much or nobody would have been in the game at this point. Grace was good at this kind of hits with her slender but strong frame, she was fast but in the paint she was ready to take hits. I admired her. Her way of playing was almost more violent than Kieran's; girls hit hard, guys hit openly.

The team marched back on the court wearing their warming up shirts, a white 'Grace' plastered on her back while she fixed haphazardly her hair in a messy bun. She looked focused, her eyes darting briefly towards us and giving us all a soft, proud smile. She was playing good and she knew it. I smiled back and her eyes crinkled, before she jogged to us, leaning against the rail that divided the court from the seats and waited for her brothers to come down.

"We're gonna win this" she said to none of them in particular, maybe more to herself than the boys.

"You're kicking ass" encouraged Kieran just like she did during his games "Your girl has a weak left dribble" he added, winking at her and her smile grew wider.

"Grace, can you score for me?" asked Nathan excited

"I'll see what I can do" she smiled, then her eyes met mine and no words were needed, she knew I was proud; same thing happened when Derek locked his matching eyes with hers. In a blur she was back near the bench, stealing a ball from Amber, making her laugh while they shot at the basket alternatively.

The buzzer made all the girls go back on their benches, grabbing water and nervously forming a circle around the coach.

"Okay, we're gonna win this" Cadell, their coach, said convinced. I had learned teamwork by watching my kids' game and somehow, managing interns became like managing a bunch of ten-year-olders with scalpels instead of basketballs in their hands.

The girls looked at him with pure trust in their eyes while he chose the five that were going to start the second half, paired them to their opponents, then began explaining the plays.

The game was on in a blink, the fight even tougher than before. Grace had a look of determination in her eyes harder than usual. She was stubborn, but on the court she was selfless and tough at the same time. She dished a couple of great pass to began fast breaks that lead the team to reduce the distance to only two points. A hard fault later she was on the free throw line, nailing the first of the two shots but Amber grabbed the rebound and passed it to Linda to score easily right outside the painted area. The boys next to me jumped in their seats while I clapped my hands and cheered for the team, sure that the baby in my womb was going to be a sport junkie if he was another boy or a tom boy if she actually revealed to be a girl.

Grace smiled knowingly at Amber and Linda while they set up their full court press defense. She stayed in the middle and doubled every player that passed mid half-court, directing her teammates and touching outside most of the passes. The other team couldn't breathe while they doubled each player that took the ball. Stella stole a ball to tie the score while Hannah tipped out of bounds each pass that came near her impressive arm length while the other team tried full court passes.

I smiled, seeing the frustration in the opponent's eyes that forced the other coach to call time out.

Grace and the other four ran to their bench accompanied by the cheers of the crowd. At the end of the time out though, the game became even rougher than before. Faults needed to be called, elbows were higher, hips were bumping more frequently, hands and arms came in contact too many times.

Amber jumped to interfere and steal a pass and at the same time, the girl she was guarding jumped with her. She was faster, taller, stronger but the other girl was sneaky and put her thigh in Amber's way, making Amber stumble on it mid-air.

Amber fell on the floor limply, a bad sound indicating that she hit hard something boney, probably her head because there she stayed while the whole court froze.

"Amber! Am! Amber!" I could hear Grace's screams while she crouched at her left, holding her hand and threatening her tears.

Suddenly, I snapped out of my shock, dragged Derek there with me and I saw Amber groggily open her eyes.

"Amber?" I called while I could feel Grace's eyes on me.

Cadell arrived with the first aid bag and Derek searched for a light pen, founding nothing.

"Who are you?" asked the referee concerned.

"Dr. Grey, that one is my husband, Dr. Shepherd, best neurosurgeon in the country" I splattered, trying to asset Amber's situation "Let us handle this and call for an ambulance".

Her pupils were responsive, but she still looked absent, until she began crying.

"I'm here Amber" whispered Grace, holding her hand. I rose on my feet again, suddenly feeling the weight of the baby and I looked at Grace concerned.

"Are her parents here?"

"Amber?" she asked to the girl on the floor, who tried to shake her head unsuccessfully.

"Idaho" she mumbled, her eyes shutting out the harsh light.

"Okay, I'm taking care of her" I addressed the coach "Feeling dizzy?" I continued.

"A bit"

"Ambulance is on the way" piped in the referee.

"Grace, keep an eye on your brothers, we'll call you later, okay?" said Derek calmly, his proverbial cool relaxing everybody even in such a difficult situation.

"I'm coming with you" she said forcefully

"Grace" Cadell interfered

"I don't give a crap about the game Cad, Amber is lying half dead on the ground and if Mom has that look on her face is never good, okay? I'm going with her" she stood up, leaving the entire gym stunned.

She came back with two packed bags but still in her uniform while the sirens were approaching.

"Okay, Derek you take the car with the kids, I go with Amber, we'll meet in the pit after you have settled them"

Derek nodded, lifting Amber on the gurney "It hurts" she moaned.

"I know" tried to reassure Derek "I leave you in the best hands" he tried to lighten up the situation and was able to make Amber smile, well more curl up the corner of her mouth, but the effort was enough.

I exchanged a glance with Derek that held all the information we needed to say to each other, then I kissed Grace's cheek whispering "She'll be okay, I got her" then I climbed with Amber on the ambulance.

Finally, Amber opened her eyes in the dim-lighted ambulance.

"Thank you" she mumbled

"Do you want me to call you parents?" I asked, surely for me it was unthinkable to know that my daughter had been hurt and I hadn't been there as soon as I could. I knew the behavior but I couldn't accept it any longer.

"They are in a meeting, they won't answer"

"When they'll be back?"

"Probably a week or so" she mumbled, tears building up in her hazel-green eyes.

I took her hand and I squeezed it tightly. I had been her once and it sucked.

"Okay"

"It's not" she mumbled

"I know. We'll be there every step of the way Amber" I promised.

"No, you...no. I can't" she mastered some strength in her voice.

"I'm offering"

"You have three people home, you're pregnant, I'll be in the way"

"I had been you once, so you are stuck with me. I know it sucks the situation you are in, I have been there for twenty-five years" I smiled softly and she reached out for my hand, only grimacing in pain.

"My wrist" she cried

"We'll check that too as soon as we get to the hospital"

"Thank you Mrs. Shepherd"

"You're welcome Amber. And it's Meredith" I managed a small smile, watching the girl slowly relax.

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><p>Amber ended up with sprained wrist and ankle and a minor concussion. After two days of check ups and multiple tests she was able to walk out of the hospital on her own and she came home with us with a zinc-taped ankle, a bandaged wrist and a headache that came and went.<p>

"We're home" cheered Grace happily. She was over the moon when she knew that Amber was going to stay with us while her parents were away, but not before she knew that she was perfectly fine.

They knew that their team won the game and that probably the other player was going to be punished for at least two games.

"You know, being here as a long-term guest feels weird" she giggled looking around her like she had never seen the place "I love your house Mr. Shepherd"

"For the hundred time, it's Derek" he scoffed, a small smile stretching on his lips.

"It makes him feel old" whispered Grace in her ear and they giggled together.

"I go fix something to eat because Baby is starving" I grinned sheepishly, using the baby card once again to eat any kind of food I craved. Derek went out to get Amber's bags and set them in the guest room.

"I wish I had a mother like yours Gray" I overheard and I remained a bit more awestruck at the nickname rather than the praise.

"She's Mom" shrugged off Grace, but I could see her smile even if she was in the other room.

I came back a few minutes later with a tray of sandwiches, one of the few things that I was allowed to cook, well assemble.

"So," I began, while the girls attacked the tray of food "Amber you can take the guest room. Make yourself comfortable. The bathroom is the first door on the left, there are clean towels, I hope" I mentally scanned the place to remember if I was right "Anyway, holler if you need something"

"I...Thank you Mrs...Meredith" she corrected herself when she saw the look I gave her.

"I just warn you, it's a little bit crazy here in the mornings, but you'll get used to it" I smirked, knowing the chaos morning brought in the Shepherd household.

"It's surely better than silence" she smiled sadly towards Grace.

"Mom" suddenly I recognized the tone of her voice as the one she used when she wanted something "Can I sleep downstairs with Amber? I mean, it's a king-sized bed, she might need help..." she began rambling.

"I guess you can" I smiled softly at the way the eyes of the two girls met and they screamed happiness. I felt I did the right thing bringing Amber here, at least for a while.

Derek returned in the room after bringing all her stuff out of the car and in Amber's temporary room and smiled brightly at me. He leaned closer and somehow I couldn't help but meet him halfway for a soft kiss. His hand went to rest on my hips, then it moved to trace soft circles on my almost visible bump. Our baby was silently growing and in a couple of days we'd know for sure if we were having another boy or a girl and somehow, everything felt surreal, like I wasn't living this life.

I used to be like Amber, Derek lived like this his whole life, with the family -not perfect, but close to it-, the stay-in friends, the sisters. I dreamed about all this until I realized that I was never going to be that girl and I simply gave up. I wanted Amber to keep fighting.

"You did a very good thing with Amber" Derek whispered in my ear when he pulled apart, our foreheads still touching, his smile still there.

"I just wanted to make her feel loved, at least for a little bit"

"I guess she can stay for a while, but I bet it will be crazy once the baby will be born" he admitted, his smile veiling with sadness.

"She can come over every day if she wants to, I'd be home all the time, bored to death" I giggled and he kissed me softly once more.

"You'd be okay"

"I know" I sighed.

"I have to go to work, you stay with the girls, I'll pick up the boys when I come home tonight or Cristina will have our heads"

"Oh yours, Cristina loves me" I stuck out my tongue and he chuckled, before kissing me quickly again once, twice and then walking out of the front door.

"Mom, can you please stop with that? We have guests" Grace's remark threw us in a fits of laughter and I knew that if Amber wasn't going to stay much anyway, at least she was going to laugh during her stay and for me, that was enough.

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><p><strong>AN: I'm sure the first part of this was a bit boring for people who don't like basketball. I hope I had given the game justice because I caught up in my little basketball world writing this. <strong>

**I played for 10 years more or less and believe me when I say it's hard to see one of your teammates being wheeled out of the gym by paramedics. It just makes you want to hit the girl who knocked her down even if you are not even that close with that said teammate. And I'm not a violent person.**

**That full-court press it's European basketball, I know, but boy, it works when it's done right. It's hard and needs a great connection between the players, but it's fascinating quite more than a good attack sometimes. I threw in some technicalities so I hope I wasn't boring...**

**I hurt my ankle once and zync taping is a miracle. I played with ankle support for a year after that but I could walk on my own the day after I sprained my ankle. Just awesome. I also fell limply on the floor, but I hurt my elbow instead, nothing serious, but that night eating had been a challenge. I just wanted to make it realistic, so I used what I had in my hands, exaggerating a bit, you know.**

**I also wanted to make Meredith revenge her crappy childhood and give hope to Amber that life can change. I hope you liked this idea, I manily wrote this because it was too hot to actually go out and shoot some baskets, so I needed to take it out of my system. This whole story mainly generates after the need to take ideas out of my head and put them in black and white so even if nobody will read anymore, I'll still post until the end ;)**

**Another update will be up within the week mark, probably. Hopefully with less rambly AN notes at the end!**


	8. Your Gentleman Father Would Pray,

**Hi readers!**

**Yesterday was test day or I would have udpated sooner. It had been hectic and well, you'll have a morning update. I hope you won't mind.**

**The title for this chapter is taken out from Soon Enough by The Constantines. It's a soft tune and well, I'm not giving away much more. **

**Italics is a short flashback, but I bet you know this already. **

**Sorry if it's not a really long chapter, but it's somewhat a filler, even if it's important. Okay, enjoy it!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 7 – You Gentleman Father Would Pray For A Daughter<strong>

Outside of the OB/GYN office, waiting had been always a dread, but the day you were going to find out the sex of you baby, waiting seemed almost unbearable.

"_Remember when we were at this point with Nate?" I whispered into Derek's ear, breaking away from my memories, snuggling closer into his embrace under the sheets, just a few days before the appointment that will reveal the sex of our next and probably last baby._

"_I never cried that much for something so happy in those first months. Everything was just amazing, like we never did that two times already" he chuckled and it reverberated in his chest as usual, the sound of his happiness always comforting._

"_I wonder sometimes what it would have been, you know" I confessed, hiding deeper in his embrace, his hand lowering immediately on my stomach, tracing circles and unknown patterns._

"_Yeah, maybe a girl between those two would have done more good than damage" a hint of sadness just veiling his light statement, clouding his happy gaze._

"_Admit it, you want to find out the sex this time as well" I smirked, remembering Kieran begging us to find out if he was going to have a sister or a brother after a huge fight with Grace and announcing he'd move to grandma's house if he was going to have another sister._

"_I'm sure you already know" he smiled softly._

"_We can bet anyway" I smirked, teasing him._

"_Girl!" we said at the same time, exchanging a look._

"_How so?" I grinned at him "are you tired of finding out how much of an ego you have mirrored in your boys?"_

"_No, I just miss girly chats and pink stuff, tea parties, you know? Grace is a young woman already and...God, Mer, she's gonna be in college in months" he sighed._

"_Don't tell me about it!" I kissed him, still smiling and avoiding the fact that my baby girl was already a woman._

"_Why you want a girl, then?" he wondered._

"_I'm not saying I want a girl, which is more than true because I'll need some support in this house, I'm also saying we are having one" _

"_How so?" he echoed, smirking._

"_Girls are surprises" I simply admitted, even if this surprise pregnancy was a little bit less scary than Grace's. _

"_So it's a girl" he said, beaming._

"_We'll find out, I can't wait anymore" I admitted, flushing a little. _

"_Neither can I"_

"_Pray that you penis worked right this time" I joked._

"_So boys aren't right for you?"_

"_Two are enough Derek, I can barely handle your ego, I don't want to know what's gonna happen in twenty years at Christmas" I laughed, the image in my head clearly amusing him as well because he joined me immediately. "And Cristina will never stop mocking me for the rest of my life if we'll have another boy, especially if he'll be your carbon copy like Kieran is"_

"_So it's a Cristina thing"_

"_It's a girl thing. Grace was so quiet when she was little and we're getting old Derek" my smile immediately faltering._

"_Yeah, a girl will be better. Just think that both boys and Grace are eager to help, you know."_

"_We raised them well, then" I joked_

"_We did" but his serious tone almost didn't matched mine. He meant what he said, and somehow, I meant it as well._

"Shepherd" a nurse called interrupting my recent memories "Meredith Shepherd" she repeated before we could eagerly stand before her.

"Oh, Dr. Grey" she seemed surprised. She was a new nurse and she clearly hadn't made the connection yet. "Dr. Shepherd" her voice sounded almost disappointed when Derek rose from his seat and stood proudly next to me. She was surely hoping that the wedding ring on his left hand was fake or something, I was used to that after eighteen years.

She led us in the room where Addison joined us. After giving birth to Grace, somehow we always asked her to follow up our pregnancies and as twisted as it seemed, we became good friends. She was one of the few people knowing a big family secret and I held some of hers as well, she came over to our house sometimes and she even became Nathan's godmother by a mutual agreement.

"Hey guys" she greeted "Considering how often you two come here I think I'm your favorite doctor" she giggled, while I made myself comfortable.

"You'll be our favorite doctor if you will tell us the sex of this baby" I joked while she set up the instrument.

"I bet you have your suspicions already" she smirked, looking straight at me

"You bet I am"

"And she had been always right" Derek commented amused, while I lowered on the examination bed and Addison spread the cold gel on my curving abdomen.

It had been a beautiful moment to notice that my abdomen was growing every time a new baby showed up, like it wouldn't be real in any other way.

A few moments after Addison began the examination, a comforting heartbeat filled the room and both our gazes flew to the screen. The perfect shape of our baby appeared, floating in its black and white universe, clearly oblivious to the brief intrusion we had made in its world.

"Moment of truth" she said happily, freezing the frame for us but not saying anything more. She gave us a few seconds and then we both realized the sex with a gasp. _Finally a girl!_

I looked up to Derek and somehow he looked just like the first time, when the girl on the screen was going to be Grace. There weren't tears yet, but his eyes were watery. I couldn't help my own tears, but I still had the getaway of the hormones.

"I was right" I gloated

"You always are" he grinned, his eyes tearing away from the screen and locking with mine. I couldn't read all the emotions there but I was sure mine were mirroring his as well.

"Some pink in the Shepherds cabin" said Addison with a smirk

"If she's anything like Grace we won't see much pink" I grinned. Every pregnancy brought back hundred of memories that sometimes I felt the need to share with the world. Maybe it was just a pregnancy side-effect, but it was surely better than the morning sickness.

"Anyway, your baby girl is doing just fine, your labs look great, they are almost better than mine" she joked.

"I know that it's kind of crazy doing this at forty-two" I said, lowering my voice. When once I went to pick up Grace from school the other mothers were looking at me like I had two heads instead of a slightly pregnant baby bump.

"I'll keep a closer eye on you from now on, but nowhere is written at which age a woman can have a baby" Addison replied, knowing perfectly that it was bugging me. It was another pro of being friend with your OB/GYN.

"Thanks Addie" Derek added.

"We'll see here in three weeks, then. If something changes just give me a call" she concluded. "Well, we'll see each other sooner, there's that barbecue thing that Karev organized so I guess I'll see you there"

"Right, see you Addison" I said, smiling at the woman as Derek did the same.

"Again, congratulations" she said sincerely and I smiled back to the woman that for a while had been like Satan to me. After all those years I couldn't believe how I had treated her and I still regretted some of my nicknames after I got to know her.

When we walked out of the exam room our smiles were wider than ever. Derek took my hand in his and squeezed gently.

"You know, we still have to think about a proper name. Again." I smiled softly and he just laughed, our happiness in display for all our colleagues. Considering all the heartache and the crap we overcame, I guess we deserved this moment, after all.

We went home with our smiles still wide and we found Amber and Grace sprawled on the living-room floor, books surrounding them while they quizzed each other on literature.

As soon as Grace heard us come in the room she turned to us and met our eyes expectantly.

"So?" she asked eagerly and we could see a smile on Amber's face too.

I looked at Derek and I knew we should have maybe found something prettier and more elaborated than "It's a girl" but we just couldn't.

Grace's face erupted in a smile and for a moment she stared at Amber, a wide grin on both their faces "I'm having a sister" she said, amazed, before she could stand up and hug me gently.

"Congratulations" said Amber from her spot on the floor, grinning widely at us.

I held Grace closer and she whispered "Thank God Mom! Another boy around and I would have seriously considered East Coast colleges"

I started laughing hard and it surely drew the boys' attention, because Nathan appeared at the door with a truck in his hand, followed by Kieran and his gym bag.

"You are having a sister" announced Derek and Kieran's smile became even wider while Nathan finally was convinced that he was still the little man in the house and joined Grace in the hug. When they both let go, Kieran came closer to me and gave me his own hug, asking "She's okay, Mom, right?" right after he pulled away from me, his stare in my eyes to see every piece of withheld information.

"She's doing great, you want to see the sonograms later?"

"What does that mean?" piped in Nathan, his eyes staring curiously into mine.

"Here" said Derek, handing him the picture that had already found a spot in his wallet "This is some sort of photograph of your little sister"

"Wow" awed Nathan in wonder, picking the image in his two little hands and studying it, while Kieran stood above him to see the image as well. It went from hand to hand, until Grace gave it to Amber and she took it hesitantly.

"A few copies will be mailed to New York and one will be hung in Derek's office, you can take a look too"

"I just..."

"I like to show off my babies" I said glancing around the room and Nathan scoffed, mumbling "We're not babies" while the older two shook their heads amused.

Derek came standing behind me and hugged me from behind, his hands resting on my stomach when I finally felt our daughter flutter between us. And despite being the fourth time, it was just as beautiful as the first.

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><p><strong>AN: And so, it's a girl! <strong>

**Most of you guessed right, but I needed a girl around just as much as Meredith did.**

**Flashbacks are important and will be explained at some point, I'm just keeping the cards closer to my chest right now. Be patient, I know you all are.**

**Well, I hope you liked this, even if it was on the short side. This story is almost all written already so I just need time to post it. When it will be finished maybe I'll try to manage more frequent updates. **

**Thank you for your reviews and I hope you'll be around a little while more!**


	9. Christmas Night, Another Fight

**Hello readers, welcome to the most unseasoned chapter in the whole wide world!**

**It's September, school have begun -not for me, I don't even know if I'll go to university yet!- so it's time to start the countdown for Christmas, right? I'm kidding, but I swear, I was listening to Coldplay and their Christmas Lights while I was preparing my exam in July. I guess it's another reason why it messed up with my head so badly. I suggest listening to it too, it really sets the mood. **

**Anyway, you'll read it even if it's about Christmas, right? Something nice will happen here, read it, even if it makes you crave presents, decorations and family dinners.**

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><p><strong>Chapter 8 – Christmas Night, Another Fight<strong>

"You are not bringing the whole Shepherd Madness here for this Christmas!" I yelled, before storming upstairs. Well, not exactly storming but walking away quickly and ungraciously since our baby girl was starting to get in the way.

I probably just had my latest hormonal outburst and I felt slightly guilty for that. The fight and the yelling had been real and very tangible in the eerily quiet house, but maybe the ground for the screaming match had been only the result of too much thinking on my behalf and too many hormones.

There had been times when yelling had been more than justified and surely things didn't end up as nicely as they were going to do this time.

"_I can't deal with people Derek" I mumbled softly, an immense hurt flashing in his eyes. "I can't go to New York this year" I whispered._

"_Meredith, do it for Grace and Kieran, please"_

"_Derek, they're the reason I wake up every morning sober" my voice rose and got a hard edge I didn't wanted to use. I was tired of fighting. I was tired all the time._

"_Meredith, it had been my loss too, don't you think I'd rather stay home like you do'"_

"_Where's the problem, then?"_

"_The problem is that we can't live in our fake bubble forever. It happened, we have to pop the freaking bubble and deal with things!" his voice became the one I knew better lately, the tone we used more often with each other. Yelling just made things so much easier. Yelling was somewhat avoiding._

"_You know what? Deal with things on the couch for now on or better, go to New York!"_

"_Meredith!" he boomed_

"_I'm staying home in my freaking bubble!" I repeated forcefully, storming away. _

"_Fuck" I mumbled as I knew he was out of earshot, before crumbling in pieces on our bed and finally letting all the tears flow in the closed enclave of our room, that once had been our sanctuary and it became simply the memory of what used to be a successful marriage and maybe it will never be the same. _

Our marriage was falling apart at that point, but somehow we had been able to pick up the loose ends and begin again. We had fights, but we always managed to go to bed together every night.

I hid upstairs for a while this time, thinking back at how hard we worked after those fights, before I stood up from the safe place I created to go apologize. Halfway on the stairs my eyes met Derek's.

Immediately, my lips curled up in a small smile: after so many years and fights, we knew exactly when the anger was gone.

"I guess you realized that I'm sorry" I began shyly while he waited for me at the bottom of the staircase. He smiled widely in return.

"Same goes for you" he rested his hand on the small of my back and guided me on the couch. We sat next to each other, leaving a few inches of space between us, meaning clearly that we still had to clear up the air before going near each other again.

"I'm sorry" I began. Our gazes met for a long moment and suddenly all the yelling was forgotten. I couldn't stay mad at those eyes for long anymore, anyway.

"I know it's been hard for you managing everything and I'm sorry I gave you one more thing to worry about"

"It was a reasonable request Derek, the only time we haven't visited your family for Christmas it hadn't been a great period for us. I guess you wanted to tell everybody how happy we are that we're having a girl" I smiled softly, the idea still blowing me away.

"I just...I wanted to make things easier for you, since we can't fly there I thought you'd like them flying here" he apologized, our voices finally reaching a reasonable tone.

It had always been like that before those two terrible years, we fought and we made up rather quickly, even after the biggest fight. They were merely disagreements compared to the things we shouted at each other in that horrible period of our lives. It was a miracle that we had been able to rebuild any kind of relationship after that, a whole marriage as well. Even a successful one, considering the twenty-six-weeks bump where our daughter was quietly rolling.

"Maybe your mother can come. Martha's husband is away for work and I don't think she's really up for traveling alone with four others on tow" I reasoned. Making her fly here for Christmas seemed a little bit too much.

"Nancy said she'll go over at Bob's, it's his year for dinner" he added, so I realized that maybe managing just two of the four sisters could be acceptable.

"Just book the tickets for them, okay?" I smiled, faking annoyance but he was immediately relieved. I scooted closer to him and I leaned my head on his shoulder. He grabbed my hand in his and placed them over my rounder stomach.

"Thank you" he whispered solely for my ears, placing a lingering kiss on my temple while I took advantage of my smaller frame to curl up even more in his hold.

As expected, Christmas didn't revealed to be the disaster I thought at first.

Izzie and Carolyn -who flied early only for this purpose, _she said_- cooked an amazing meal while Alex looked after their youngest son Ryan, who turned three a few months ago. His sisters, Ann and Meghan entertained herself teasing Nathan the whole evening, being both older than him, but they immediately stopped their games when Kieran walked in the room. Cristina, Owen and Andrew arrived only a few hours before dinner because they both had been held in the hospital. Grace peeked in and out of the kitchen with Amber, who had been invited as well. I spent my time finally sitting on my comfortable couch, my feet propped up on the coffee table, chatting with Kathleen and Amelia. Kathleen's two older twin boys were in med school and filled with exams while her other two daughters followed her and her husband to Seattle just because they were around Grace's age. All the cousins got along pretty nicely, even considering the age gap. Amelia and her two-year-old son left the husband back in Los Angeles for work.

"So" I began, a smile curling up my lips for how nice it was being there with two of my sisters-in-law.

"Look at you" Kathleen shook her head amused "Pregnancy really suits you, Meredith"

"Hardly, but I'm glad to know that not only Derek is so oblivious to comment on that"

We all laughed, then we heard the doorbell rang and the booming voice of Mark Sloan filling the hall. Lexie appeared in the room carrying an asleep Gavin in her arms.

"Can I put him in Nathan's bed?" she immediately asked, after she greeted briefly the other women.

"Derek brought back the old travel crib, it must be somewhere in the nursery, already assembled I think; put him there, it's safer" I said, glancing at the barely toddler on her shoulder.

"Oh, thank you" she replied, almost blew away by my willingness to share.

Our relationship had changed much throughout the years. When she showed up in my life, occupying my hospital, looking at my husband and breathing my air, I just wanted to kill her and make it look like an accident. Luckily there had been Grace restraining me and with time, we built some kind of sisterly bond, especially after she got married to Mark and Derek mend their relationship.

She disappeared upstairs and I got back to chat with the other sisters "So, how's life?" I lightened up the conversation.

"You know, Alexander, patients, it all blends in a huge blob sometimes" smiled Amelia "A very sunny blob, but still fuzzy" she joked.

"Back East it's too quiet. Having all the kids scattered around in the country is weird. I love having time to spend with Tyler, but it's so weird. I guess you won't have time to cry over an empty house for a long while" she addressed me

"I guess I won't" I said, rubbing my stomach absentmindedly.

"Did you planned all this or..." wondered Amelia

"Nope. I guess we had to end just the way we started, with a surprise" I smirked, so close to reveal the secret that we were keeping so jealously.

Derek suddenly appeared in the room in a dark red sweater that screamed Christmas in its plainness and smiled at all of us.

"Ah, so much estrogen here" he sighed, coming behind me and kissing my cheek so softly and quickly that if it would have been someone else, I wouldn't have noticed.

"Ugh, why I always choose PDA moments to get into rooms with you two?" complained Cristina that appeared out of nowhere and made all of us laugh loudly.

"It's always PDA time with them" piped in Grace from the door, smirking at us "Grandma says food is ready" she continued and immediately the room was empty.

We both waited our guests to sit before Derek sat at the end of the table and I sat across him, in front of me Carolyn and then the rest of the family without a real order, except that kids were eating in another room alone. It still freaked me out a bit that Grace got to eat with us this year once again.

The meal progressed with small chats and laughs, somewhat embarrassing stories were told and real life was unraveled. I couldn't be happier to have agreed for a family dinner this Christmas and actually having both families mix up was the perfect way to spend the holidays. The members of the families interacted perfectly with each other and somehow, it felt even more right to spend Christmas here instead of New York.

When the evening began winding down and the kids had long fled the scene to go play their secret games, I glanced to Derek and smiled softly. It was time for the announcement.

"Attention everybody" he cleared his throat and waited for the chatter to quiet down. He was standing there in front of everyone, his cheeks a bit red from all the laughter and the wine, his hair perfectly combed, his stubble barely there, his clothes perfectly fitting and my smile widened on its own. He looked down at me and I traced a few circles on my even fuller stomach.

"What is it Derek?" teased his sister Amelia "Meredith is already pregnant, we noticed"

The table erupted in more laughter and giggles and he chuckled as well.

"Are you having twins, Dearbear?" piped in Kathleen and the hilarity didn't stopped.

"He's retiring guys, Meredith had wore him out" snickered Mark, winning a glare from both me and Derek as Grace was sitting right there with us. She was secretly grinning, already knowing what the announcement was and she was having double the fun the others were having and currently sharing secret glances of understanding with Amber.

"Oh, let the man talk" concluded Bailey, the last one to arrive at the table that evening as she had to grab Tucker from the airport and bring him there.

"Finally" mumbled Cristina Derek seemed to thank her with a glance. It was still weird seeing them this civil with each other. From the moment Cristina realized how good he was for Grace and for me, the hatred slowly faded and at this point, they were almost friends.

"So, we decided to wait this moment to announce that next Christmas Emily Carolyn will join us and I swear that Martha will be pissed when she'll realize that I announced it without her here"

As soon as he said the name we chose for our baby girl, the table immediately became louder and the rest of his speech was covered by the words of congratulations and comments.

I briefly locked eyes with Carolyn that wiped away a lonely tear before everybody would notice and I knew she was going to talk to us later, when we would finally be alone. She had deserved it, it wasn't just our little tradition.

All the other three kids had been named after their grandparents, both the boys carrying Derek's father names as middle names, while Grace was the only one following the Grey traditions of Elizabeths. We didn't used Thatcher name for Nathan because he had been such a special baby and we had never intended to burden him with such an heavy name to carry on his shoulders.

My relationship with my father had improved, but not in the way it did with Lexie. He was still a stranger and he wasn't even there at Christmas. He knew my children, but they didn't know him as their grandfather, he was just Thatcher.

I looked at Grace briefly, remembering suddenly moments in the past, when she was the one kicking me in the ribs and yet she was joking with Amelia and Izzie, her smile a beautiful, beautiful sight. She got her father's smile, just like I wished for her as soon as she showed up.

Kieran popped in the room briefly to call Alex for a Wii game, then his slender frame disappeared. He grew crazily in the past year and I realized that the following year he was going to sit at the grownups table as well. His freckled face was becoming every day more adult and his body was morphing as well.

Nathan instead was still somewhat a baby, coming in the middle of the ordeal and asking when Santa was going to leave the presents.

"I know Santa doesn't really exist Mom, but the little kids wanted me to ask and they are my guests" he said, matter-of-factly.

"Tonight Monkey" I replied, giggling when he went back in the other room. Derek looked at me amused, shaking his head and silently saying once more how much his character was like mine. Derek teased me saying that he was a male-me and it still amused me endlessly.

When we noticed that the clock was already after midnight, Derek whispered softly "Merry Christmas" in my ear, rubbing a few circles on my belly and kissing me gently, before I could reply in the same way and start wishing a wonderful Christmas to the rest of the family.

Somehow, Derek Shepherd made me like this Christmas and all of a sudden, there was another reason to love him a little bit more.

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><p><strong>AN: This chapter was probably confusing with all the names and unseasonal things, but don't worry, the only name you need to remember is Emily Carolyn. I hope you like the name, I just had so many ideas for a name and it just went along perfectly with Grace, it's traditional and all, right? <strong>

**More things about the whys of the kids' names will be disclosed in a while. ****This story will be a 20-chapter story, so we have time for it. Hint: They are not casual, and Grace is NOT after the hospital.**

**Okay, I spoilered enough. I don't know if I want to post my own version of S8 before S8 actually begins or not. I need to work on that but the partial draft is already done. I might just have a moment and post it, who knows. Another one is planned, a three-shot completely AU, but I might post it when I'll be a little less busy.**

**I know they had a little fight here, but they are not perfect, they fought a lot on the show and some of their best scenes are fights, despite how painful they are to watch, I just wanted to make things a little bit more real and see how they grew together. **

**Anyway, this story will be finished, no matter how little people will read it. I loved writing it and I'll love every single minute each one of you spend reading it. Thank you for your support!**


	10. Racing Like A Pro

**Hi there!**

**Despite the frenzy of chapters and new stories I have published over the weekend, I decided to spend a few minutes on this one. The juicy part is almost here and I hope you won't be disappointed. This chapter has a huge, massive flashback, but I hope you won't mind. **

**I used again my beloved The National for this, namesake song for this title. This chapter will work around Nathan, even though the flashback is centered on the family before him. The flashback will add a different PoV right in the middle, the point marked with "C:". I hope it's not confusing, but I needed to get an outsider vision of the whole thing and I borrowed Carolyn for this. She's such a nice character to write and being honest, I had the idea for this flashback way before I wrote this story, I just adapted it ;)**

**Just let me know if it sucks or you barely understood a thing in my rambling. That's all, enjoy this!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 9 – Racing Like A Pro<strong>

The end of March meant only one thing, only four more weeks until we met our baby girl. Only four weeks and it was even a sunny day.

It had rained the whole previous week and when the sun set high in the sky we all immediately moved in the yard. We had made good memories in the yard all throughout the years.

_As soon as I parked the car, I just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep After forty hours awake, it was understandable. Our days had been hectic in the past week and the only blessing was that Carolyn had decided to spend a few weeks of the kids' holiday with us. At least it didn't rained much in summer. _

_Grace was still in school and enjoying her last few days, while Kieran adored being in the hospital's daycare. Since Carolyn was home he spent way less hours there, compromising a schedule similar to his sister._

_I knew that opening the door meant a sure assault by the two children, considering that they hadn't seen both me and Derek in the past two days, especially because Derek was still stuck there in surgery after a huge train accident kept us occupied without a second to breathe._

_As expected, I heard immediately soft noises from the living-room and, even before being able to take off my shoes and hang my bag, both kids jumped on me._

"_Mommy!" they said in one breath, hugging me tightly at my waist, as high they could manage. I kissed the top of Grace's head, trying to squeeze Kieran in the same hug, then I lifted him up in my arms and kissed his cheek soundly._

"_Daddy?" asked Kieran with a hint of sadness in his voice_

"_He'll be back later tonight, he's still working" they both looked at me disappointed "Have you eaten yet?" I tried to divert their attention, but they both nodded and disappeared. I was starving, so I moved to the kitchen, where Carolyn was already doing the dishes and I was a thousand times more grateful for her visit._

"_You know, you are saving our lives" I said as a greeting and she just smiled, turning back to the dishes._

"_It's nice to be around those two a little bit more than holidays only"_

_Kieran reappeared and shouted "Mommy, look!" showing me a draw full of lines and blobs of colors._

"_It's wonderful!"_

_Grace asked instead with a sing-song voice "Mommy, guess what we did at school today?"_

"_Kids" Carolyn interrupted their assault "Mommy is tired, she had to work two days straight, let her be"_

_I gave her a thankful look "We can sit here, you tell me about your day while I eat something, okay?" I suggested "We can play a game later"_

"_What game?" asked Grace eagerly, surely too awake for my slow-motion brain cells. _

"_You need to tell me a goodnight story" I said seriously, knowing that I'd be asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow._

"_Which one?"_

"_You have to made it up, just like Daddy and I do. You tuck me in bed and you lay next to me, hugging me tightly"_

"_What about Daddy?" asked Kieran once again. _

"_I'm sorry Kay, he'll be home too late tonight"_

"_I miss him, Mommy"_

"_I know, we all miss him" I had barely been able to talk to him in the last two days and surely, our baby-making projects had been thrown out of the window. _

_I took a slice of bread and ate some cheese with it, too tired to make anything else or wait for something to warm up. Both kids sat next to me, staring at me interestedly._

"_Oh, c'mon, just say it" I said with a smile, knowing that they needed to talk about their days until my head buzzed._

"_I can count form one to one-hundred!" said Grace proudly and I couldn't help the smile with her progress._

"_Really? You know that from now on you can count to infinity?"_

"_How much is this? One-hundred is pretty long, Mommy"_

"_It's...Well, you can spend your whole life counting, without ever stopping, and it will never arrive"_

"_Seriously?"_

"_It's the mathematics word for forever"_

"_How cool!" she beamed and it was still amazing to see things form her six-year-old perspective._

"_What did you do Kieran? I asked_

"_I painted with hands" he showed me his perfectly clean hands but I could already figure four layers of paint on them. I shivered at the idea of taking them off him._

"_I loved painting with hands" I said, remembering kindergarten years fondly._

"_Can we do it again?"_

"_Not now, or I'll end up painting with my head instead of with my hands because I'll fell asleep on the sheet" they both laughed "When it's sunny we go out in the yard and we get messy"_

"_If Daddy is home too" Grace piped in._

"_You know what? Tomorrow I and Daddy are off duty" I said with a smirk_

"_It's Saturday!"_

"_Exactly, no school!" they both cheered "And we can sleep till noon" I mumbled to myself. Carolyn giggled and flashed me an understanding smile._

"_We paint tomorrow!" Kieran said excitedly._

"_Now we go to bed. Quick in your jammies!" I said with a smile and they ran upstairs while I stood up, every bone in my body aching, laid my plate in the sink on the dirty pile and Carolyn sent me a look._

"_Tough days, uh?"_

"_Impossible days. I don't even know what we'll do with three of those around" I mumbled but Carolyn's ears snapped up._

"_Three?"_

"_Oh" I blushed at the realization that tiredness made me have a big mouth and I was awful at keeping secrets anyway "We're trying" Carolyn smiled softly, probably reminiscing the same moment in her life. "If you see Derek coming home could you tell that I'm sorry I didn't wait up?"_

"_He wouldn't have waited for you either" she smirked, knowing her son._

"_Thank you again, for everything."_

"_It's a pleasure" she smiled before I went out of the room._

_Upstairs, both kids were already in my bed waiting for me, sitting Indian style on both sides._

"_Quick in you jammy!" ordered Grace_

"_Yes ma'am" I joked "You two are in charge"_

_I picked my old college t-shirt in the bathroom and a pair of shorts, then I laid between them, trying to stay on my side of the bed._

"_Leave a spot for Daddy" complained Grace seeing that Kieran was already comfortable on Derek's side. _

_Laying down, both of them began hugging me, their little hands placed softly on my chest and their arms casually scattered on my stomach. I knew I'd miss this when there will be three of them and Grace will surely be too old to care for snuggling. Grace pulled up the blanket and began speaking in a low voice, mimicking me or Derek during our bedtime stories._

"_One upon a time, in a big, green forest, lived..."_

"_A monkey!" interrupted Kieran and Grace glared at him and continued telling one of their favorite stories. When they requested it right after, I closed my eyes and drifted off to a peaceful sleep, their soft voices soothing my slumber._

_/_

_**C:**__ I knew Derek had been late the past night, I welcomed him home a few minutes before going to bed and I saw him snuggling with his whole family in the master bedroom. He confirmed they were trying for a third child with a smile, then I promised him to take the kids if they woke up early. _

_As expected the children's beds were intact in the morning so I went to the master bedroom and there they were, Grace clinging to Derek's chest while Kieran was snuggled into Meredith's arms. The adults were surprisingly facing each other and Derek's right arm reached out to touch Meredith's hip._

_I noticed Kieran stirring, so I went closer and untangled him from his mother's arms, placing him half-asleep on my shoulder._

"_Nana" I heard a sleepy voice as well and I turned around to see Grace rubbing heavily her eyes, sitting up on the bed with her dark curls sticking out in all places, looking exactly like Amelia._

"_Shh" I whispered "Don't wake them up" _

_Grace slipped carefully out of bed and tiptoed towards me in her bare feet. I put Kieran down and I suggested them to go to the kitchen and wait for me to make breakfast._

_While I was closing the door, I noticed that Derek had rolled over to Meredith and they were now laying spooned, their hands intertwined on her stomach. I wondered if maybe there was already another child. His father used to do the same thing when we were trying to have more children and a little ache build in my chest at the memories._

_I prepared the breakfast for the kids and left the pot of coffee for the adults, then I was able to drag the little ones to the park, as it was a very pleasant day and incredibly sunny, knowing that both adults needed to sleep after the days they had endured._

_When we came back,they were having breakfast together. Derek was sitting aside from Meredith and they were just looking at each other, an adoring look passing between them, the kitchen glowing not just because of the sun. I knew that look over their cappuccinos, they had just made love. _

_I smiled when Kieran ran towards them, breaking their musing, hugging Derek so tightly that he gasped in surprise. _

"_Hey buddy" _

"_I missed you, Daddy" said Kieran seriously and won a kiss on the top of his head and an hair-ruffling pat._

"_Nice story yesterday" continued Meredith, a wide smile brightening her already __bright features._

"_You didn't listened to a single thing, Mommy!" giggled Grace and Meredith joined her. _

_Grace went to hug Derek, who tickled her and more giggles erupted from her, until Kieran looked between his parents and yelled "Painting!"_

"_What?" asked Derek confused_

"_I think I promised him we would hand-paint in the yard someday, when the both of us were home and it was sunny" Meredith smiled innocently and I couldn't help to notice how she had Derek wrapped around her little finger._

"_Today is someday" realized Derek with a smile._

"_Please Daddy" Grace made the same face Meredith did a few seconds before and my son was a goner. The little one had already learned how to charm his father and I could see Meredith smirking at her. _

"_Alright, you go put some very old clothes on while I set up the field" he stood up, shaking his head while the kids run in all directions and Meredith followed. "You clean them up, right?" he yelled to Meredith's back and she just turned to him and smiled, a full-fledged, I-freaking-love-you, sure-I'll-clean-them-up smile. _

_I followed him in the yard while he gathered the paint and the sheets and I leaned against the door._

"_You should work on bearing her looks" I said quite amused_

"_What?" he practically frowned at me_

"_Grace"_

"_Oh yeah" he sighed, shaking his head, at least he realized it. _

"_I know the other looks were a completely different story"_

"_What?"_

"_You and Meredith"_

"_Mom!" he practically blushed_

"_You are trying for a third baby, I understand, it's a nice thing to start mornings, don't be ashamed"_

"_Please Mom, don't say that" he said with a smirk but I knew he grasped the concept "Anyway, yeah, we just decided so we're trying not to get our hopes up"_

"_Making babies makes you look good, you were glowing this morning at breakfast"_

"_I have paint in my hands Mom" he replied, then took off to hang the sheets like laundry, trying to hide the rosy hue his cheeks had. _

_The kids and Meredith shuffled in the yard a few minutes later, dressed in very old clothes and with smiles on their faces. I just watched from under the porch. At first, the paint went carefully on the sheets, everyone making a different draw but after a while, Derek smeared Meredith's face with paint and the war began. _

_At this point, each of them had the hands painted with a different color, so it was easy to know who touched who. Derek roared with his blue-painted hands at Grace and the girl took off running in the yard, immediately followed by Kieran who had just painted Derek's bottom. _

"_You're so dead buddy!" he yelled before beginning a race against him too. _

_Meredith decided that it was better to loose some clothing so she left the kids in their panties and she took off her t-shirt and Derek's. The latter smirked at her, kissed her softly then painted her nose and took off._

"_Oh this means war!" she yelled "C'mon guys, on Daddy!" she shouted and they all chased Derek until they took him down and jumped on him, covering his chest with paint. _

_When they finally rolled down all four of them were laying on the grass, facing the sky, giggling happily. Derek was completely covered in paint, Grace had hands painted all over her chest and back, Kieran spotted a new blue hairdo and a mohawk while Meredith had a blue face shaped on her stomach, her belly button used as the nose, the smile on her navel and two big eyes. She draw a similar smile on Derek's cheek, then stood up and went to the rubber pipe to wash her hands. They all soon followed but the spray of the pipe soon became a complete shower for all of them and Derek even pulled out the water balloons. I watched amused the whole scene, realizing that they couldn't come up with a better way to clean themselves up._

_When the kids ran back, I caught them kissing, their bodies close, their hands intertwined, the same happy glow passing between them. When I brought back the kids, they were still laying on the grass, talking in whispers. When they realized that lunchtime was approaching, they walked upstairs hand in hand and they came back downstairs an hour later, smelling like lavender and smiling like teenagers and I was glad I forbid to the kids to go upstairs._

Carolyn had told me the last part of our paint day amused when we sat together on the couch after dinner and I blushed violently every time she mentioned our post-orgasmic glow. I knew we had it, but hearing your mother-in-law saying something like that threw me off my feet.

I sat on the swing under the porch absorbing the memories, while Grace and Kieran sat one in front of the other at the table under the oak, their sides surrounded by books and papers to finish. I smiled to Kieran when he lifted up for a moment his head and he closed his eyes in defeat. Literature was clearly winning him over. Grace was giving me her back but from her hunched shoulders I could see that she was completely focused on her end-of-the-year essay. She was going to present a project so secret that neither of us had the opportunity to see. All her energy at the moment was on this project and I admired her ability to lock herself into her room and never getting out, despite I pushed her many times to get a little life out of home or school.

Nathan suddenly banged the back door and squealed excitedly while he run towards the garage. I noticed a helmet on his head and I immediately realized why he was so excited.

Derek followed Nathan after a good minute, dressed in sweatpants and a comfortable t-shirt with a big, proud smile on his face.

"Hey Der" I called for him and he turned to me with his dreamy smile

"What?"

"Is Nathan taking off the training wheels?"

"Yep" he confirmed, then he chuckled "It's gonna be so much fun"

"I have the first aid kit ready!" and I winked, remembering past experiences with both the other kids. With Grace things had been harder than with Kieran, because even if she was stubborn, she was even more stubborn in not climbing on the bike one more time after the first fall. Kieran instead had never cried, not even complained, even if out of the two he had been in the worst condition. I remember he had a scrape on his leg for two weeks straight and he never complained about it.

I leaned comfortably on my seat and with my caresses I tried to calm the baby, that was getting every day more cramped in there. She seemed to like when I was caressing her or talking to her, probably her own way to want attention when four other people wanted mine constantly.

I saw Nathan emerge form the garage all excited with his bike, the wheels still on. Derek got out with the necessary tools and began working to take them off. As soon as both were off, Nathan began squealing excited, forcing both Grace ad Kieran to glare at him.

Derek secured the helmet on his head carefully and as expected, Nathan asked "Do I really need to wear this?"

I shook my head because the poor kid lived with two neurosurgeons and he had to endure many of this security measures after all the accidents we had witnessed and tried to cure in our long careers as surgeons.

"Of course you do buddy, do you know why I work most days? Because people smash their heads when they don't wear helmets or seatbelts" Derek replied with a smile.

"Okay Daddy" he sighed and my smile widened. "Can we ride now?" he asked impatiently when the helmet was secure enough.

"All right" sighed Derek and I knew what he felt: another children was big enough to ride without aid. "You know how to ride already so you just need to keep the balance. You need to keep the handlebars straight and try not to weave too much" Derek repeated for the third time in his life.

"Do I need to go faster?"

"No, just like you used to, but you need to be careful. Are you ready?"

Nathan nodded and Derek helped him on the bike. He settled his body carefully then began pedaling while Derek held him from the seat.

"Okay, I'm letting you go, are you ready?"

"Yes!" replied him determined. Derek stopped to trail behind him and waited. Nathan weaved for two or three pedals then he lost control and Derek had to run to him to keep him away from the gravel.

"Okay, let's try again" suggested Derek and Nathan nodded.

They did the same gestures again, but this time Nathan rode for a little more and Derek was not able to save him a grazed knee. When Derek cleaned the biggest gravel from his knee Nathan immediately winced and ran away, moving as fast as he could towards me.

"Mommy" he cried

"Hey, come here" I smiled comfortingly. He sat on the swing next to me while I grabbed all I needed to clean him up.

"It hurts" he said in a broken voice

"I know. It's gonna hurt a little more while I put peroxide on it but then it will be all better"

Nathan began crying while I poured the liquid on his knee and it began frizzling "See, the frizzling is the germs that are running away from your scrape" I explained and he immediately calmed down, somehow fascinated by my explanation. I patched the wound with a colorful band-aid for the moment, then I kissed his knee and his forehead softly. "All done"

"Thanks Mommy" he replied in a small voice and he snuggled a bit by my side as it was impossible already to sit on my lap this far on my pregnancy.

"Are you going to try again?" I asked after a few moments of quiet. As much as Nathan was a tornado, when he got hurt he became the quietest kid.

"In a minute" he sighed and looked up at his father, who was leaning against the front door with a gentle smile on his lips.

"We can wait a minute" I replied and squeezed him closer.

Derek knew that it was going to be a little longer so he decided to join us on the swing and I leaned a bit of my weight on him while his hand went automatically on my huge stomach and lingered there while he kissed softly my temple, almost an unnoticeable gesture.

"Are you okay to go?" asked Derek after a while, knowing that Nathan was simply procrastinating.

"I guess"

"Let's try again then"

They went back to his bike with a little less enthusiasm than before but once Nathan was on the bike and was able to ride the full yard on his own, the excitement came back.

In a few hours Nathan had mastered going up and down the bike, starting and going in a line then braking and stepping down. He was so not ready for a real ride, but at least he knew the basics.

Derek wanted to do this before Emily's birth because we both knew how time consuming would a newborn be and Nathan deserved a real bike lesson as his siblings had. He was ready and eager and so Derek seized the moment and used the first sunny day of spring to teach him. When Nathan went back inside all grazed and grassy but with a smile on his face, we both knew we did the right thing.

"I know how to ride, Mommy!" he said excited, but tired. "Did you see?"

"You did great Monkey" I replied and he bounced back inside.

"I'll watch out for the mess in the bathroom" Derek followed him suit "I'll dry that up"

"Oh, you're a wonderful man" I said sincerely

"So you're a lucky woman to have me"

"I guess I am" I replied with a smirk and he leaned closer for a quick, stolen kiss while none of the kids was watching, breaking away for a minute from our routine, to go back to it immediately after. It was still unbelievable that we were going to be the parents of four children, three of which knew how to ride a bike already and one was still unborn. The more I looked at Derek's retraining form, the more I realized that I really was lucky to have had him around all this time.

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><p><strong>AN: Was it confusing enough?<strong>

**I wanted to add a happy flashback, since most of the previous flashbacks were on the sad side. This was happy and fluffy, right? It was even a long chapter!**

**i hope you liked this just as much as I liked writing it. Stay tuned for more, next chater is when this story gets good. Emily will be here soon, by the way ;)**


	11. Without You It's A Waste Of Time

**Okay, it has been a while, I know, I'm sorry. I really got all caught up with my other stories and I kind of pushed this aside. You can yell, I deserve it.**

**Anyway, this is the juicy part. What somehow I worked to get to. This is it. And it's Derek's POV, you'll learn why soon enough.**

**I have promised a light story/sequel, but not everything is bright and shiny all the time. I promise I won't leave you hanging much longer anymore.**

**For this important chapter I decided to go back to the basics and dig up Strawberry Swing by Coldplay. I used it already, somewhere, maybe even the same title, but it's just too good. And that song, well, I'm in love with it.**

**Okay, you have waited long enough, enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 10 – Without You It's A Waste Of Time<strong>

The silence in the room was deafening. Only the monitors were beeping and chirping here and there, signaling that she was still alive. But despite that, I couldn't breathe.

Meredith hadn't been alive for a whole minute a few hours ago, and even that single minute the idea of losing her forever was unbearable.

We knew that her pregnancy would be riskier because of her age, but everything had gone perfectly till the delivery.

Emily Carolyn Shepherd decided that the outside world was way more exciting that Meredith's uterus exactly two weeks before term, just like all her other siblings arrived early. We suspected she would follow their footsteps, so we had been prepared, but I wasn't prepared for a C-section. Neither I was prepared to Meredith collapsing in my OR out of the blue.

Addison performed an emergency C-section as soon as all the preliminary tests had been done, then she had coded on the table. Twice. Right when our baby girl drew in her first breath.

They have decided to keep her sedated since, to give time to her body to relax and regain some more strength, but the doctors didn't know if she would ever wake up. I knew the odds better than anyone else in the room and for once, I wish I didn't. Her brain had an hematoma and I couldn't fix her, I couldn't even think straight while I saw her laying there, helpless. Addison said it had been the stress that made her placenta rupture, together with prolonged hours standing up and adding the relatively advanced age, all together brought to a fall and a consequent cerebral hematoma.

I stared for a moment at Meredith's peaceful face laying on the bed and I still couldn't believe what had just happened. She had a cut on her forehead from her fall on a steel cart, stitched together carefully by Mark, a few bruises and the C-section's scar, but then she looked like she was simply sleeping. It crushed me.

And since Emily exited the OR, I have never seen her again.

It was wrong on so many levels, I just couldn't bring myself to leave Meredith and go see her in this condition. She had to see us happy the first time she'll meet us, together.

I called Grace to tell her to watch the boys at home, but she refused and brought the whole troop at the hospital and they were currently sitting uncomfortably in the waiting room. And I felt like the worst father ever. And the worst husband.

A gentle knock on the door made me lift up my head from my hands and I recognized Grace, holding her new baby sister. Her eyes were puffy and red from all the crying, but she managed a true smile.

"Hey Emily, let's say hi to Daddy" she cooed to the baby in her arms, before entering in the room, followed by Kieran, who was holding Nathan's hand.

All their gazes moved to rest on the figure of their mother, lying on the bed helpless. They were used to see her always strong and ready to fight everything life threw at her, seeing her like this changed something in them.

Nathan immediately walked closer to me and sat on my lap, snuggling closer to my chest. He wasn't crying, but I know he had been at some point. Kieran stood stoic next to his sisters, studying the scene around him and showing no sign of emotion. He was just like me though, immovable, while his world inside was crumbling down at the seams. Grace tried her best to keep herself distracted looking after Emily and for the first time it hit me the fact that I would need to raise all of them alone if Meredith wasn't going to wake up.

The sudden feeling was overwhelming and its weight crushed me. My breaths quickened and I fought hard my tears, almost like in a panic attack. Nathan squeezed his arms around me tightly, sensing my discomfort and both Kieran and Grace moved closer, making a sort of circle around me. Emily as well, made her presence felt, letting out a few whimpers in Grace's arms.

"Hey baby girl" I whispered, picking her up in my arms for the first time, tears forming in my eyes "Don't worry, Daddy has got you" I kissed softly the top of her head and her whimpers calmed down immediately.

For the first time after her birth I dared to look closely at Emily and she was beyond beautiful. She was Meredith's carbon copy, even if her eyes seemed bluer, most like Grace's had been. The trademark Shepherd's hair was tough a little lighter, looking a lot like a baby Nathan or Meredith's dark blond. Meredith's nose, Meredith's cheeks, Meredith's lips.

_Meredith_.

I couldn't help the tear that rolled down my cheek at the sight of Emily and I wished Meredith could see her. She had wanted so badly to meet our baby girl in the last few days and she was missing it for being at work.

"Uncle Mark called Nana" said Nathan, forcing me to catch up with the real world, clearly the only one brave enough to speak first

"Good" I answered mechanically "that's..." I trailed off, unable to complete my sentence before crying and my children didn't need to see me breaking down like that.

"How's Mom doing?" continued Grace, her voice getting closer to tears with every word she spoke.

"She's sedated, they are going to keep her asleep a little while more to give time to her brain to heal" I whispered, but I knew they all understood what it meant. They heard us talking about coma all the time, even Nathan had grasped the concept already.

"Dad, did you had a check up?" Kieran piped up, concern filling his voice at the sight of the cut on my forearm that I didn't know how it ended up there and the fact that they knew I practically fainted in Mark's arms when Nelson delivered me the news that maybe Meredith would never wake up. Kieran had always had a special bond with me and I knew it crushed him to see me hurt, almost as much as he was aching for Meredith.

"I'm fine" my voice broke on what was Meredith's favorite word to say when everything was all but fine.

"We can stay with Mom and Emily while you get some rest. We need you to be okay, Dad" the edge in Grace's tone didn't go unnoticed, so I decided to give in.

"I'll go in a few. I want to stay here with all of you for a little while longer"

"Thank you" she breathed out in relief.

"Is everything okay with Emily?" I finally asked, a sudden guilt filling my already aching heart. I neglected Emily right from the start, what kind of father I had been for the other three? How could I do the rest alone, without Meredith?

"She's perfect Dad, Addison said that she couldn't be healthier" a smile broke her worried features and I swallowed hard.

"It's just..."

"It's okay if you tagged along Mom"

I shook my head, but I didn't added anything. I knew it was going to be too much to handle for everybody if I had opened my mouth.

Another knock at the door startled all of us and we turned to the door to see that my sister Amelia was standing there with a worried face on.

"I came as soon as I heard the news. Mom called me and I hopped on the first plane. How are they doing?" she questioned without even taking a break, showing clearly her nervousness. Nathan snuggled out of my lap and sprinted to hug her. She had always been his favorite aunt and he couldn't miss this opportunity to be closer to her.

"Emily is doing great" I began with the great news, trying to relax her "she's perfectly fine"

"What about Meredith?"

"She's sedated" and I knew that with that small detail she was going to understand everything that I needed her to explain. The pros -or cons?- of having another neurosurgeon around.

"Mom will be here super early in the morning" she whispered quietly, walking closer to the chair where I was sitting "I just want to enjoy my new niece before Mom will steal her for good" she managed to make me smile, then placed her hand over my shoulder and squeezed gently, looking down to admire Emily. It felt comforting somehow knowing that Amelia was there.

She lifted her up from my arms and a sincere smile brightened her features "Hey baby Emily, you know you look just like your beautiful Mommy?" she cooed

"She does" I mumbled to myself and I hoped that wasn't going to be her only memory of her. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I kept them at bay for the sake of my children.

"You two did great once again" she complimented with a smile, lightening up the atmosphere.

"How's your own troublemaker doing?" I diverted the attention to another topic

"Zan is great, I left him home with Chris. He loved your birthday present, I bet Nathan helped to chose that, uh?"

Alexander had just turned three and, as Amelia suspected, Nathan had the biggest say on sending him lots of toy cars and a train for his birthday. Judging from the photos, the kids invited at his party had surely had a blast.

"When I said I was going visiting his new baby cousin he stormed off complaining that he had enough of them already" she smiled at the memory and a small smile tugged up my lips as well.

"And you haven't even told him it's a girl" I mocked, still looking at my sister holding carefully Emily.

The more I looked at Emily, the greater my hope for a better future. It was probably her newness, her perfection, her resemblance to Meredith, who knows, she simply gave me hope. And after barely six hours after her birth, she owned a big spot in our family already.

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><p><strong>AN: You can throw things after you have finished reading.<strong>

**It's on the short side, I know and probably I completely invented a medical condition, but that's for the purpose of this story. You can hate me for putting Mer in a coma, just bear with this a little longer okay, I won't be mean and I won't let you dwell over this too long.**

**Just for the record, even for you shy people, there are anonymous reviews. Which, once again, means not a way to insult me, this story or anything else in this word, but just an added opportunity to express your feeling, maybe criticize a little -in a costructive way- even if you are scared or afraid I could take it badly. **

**I'll fix things with Mer, I promise. I hope you liked this change of POVs, we'll be in Derek's head for a little while more...Hang tight!**


	12. Baby, We'll Be Fine

**Okay this update is quick and long. I guess I deserve an award for this ;)**

**It's still Derek's PoV and the song is by The National. The lyrics I put here are for the first part, relative to the whole situation, while the second goes with the first flashback. I know, two flashbacks are a lot, but they also mean a lot to me. Thank you to _McGreysGirl193_ who prompted the idea for the second flashback in a past review. If you want to suggest something, just say it and I might try to let it fit in the story.**

**Thank you also to the anonymous reviewers and the new people out there. It flattered me to see such a good response to the previous chapter. This one is one of the favorite chapters I have ever written and I have to warn you to keep a box of tissue nearby. I had needed one while I was writing so I'm just passing the news.**

**Okay, I bored you to death, here's the chapter!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 11 – Baby, We'll Be Fine<strong>

"_Say, look at me  
>Baby, we'll be fine<br>All we gotta do is be brave and be kind_

_I put on an argyle sweater and put on a smile_  
><em>I don't know how to do this<em>  
><em>I'm so sorry for everything"<em>

* * *

><p>I needed to do something, anything.<p>

My only thought in my head was that Meredith could die and I couldn't do anything about it. She had sacrificed everything for this family, her work, her free time, almost her mental health sometimes and she was about to give her life for a daughter she had never even met. She was a mother first and foremost, but she had been an exceptional wife, an exciting lover, an impressive woman.

We promised to take care of each other even when we were old and smelly, but at this point, the chances she could grow old with me were slimmer and slimmer.

I needed to do something because I couldn't bear to be apart from her for a year when she was physically next to me so if she died, I don't even know when and how I'll begin to pick up the pieces.

She has always been a constant for the past eighteen years, ups and downs she was there, even when we fought, even when she didn't want to be comforted, when she just wanted to be alone, she was there.

* * *

><p><em>The lawyer's office was gray. Everything in that place had a hint of sadness buried deep in it. Like layers of bad thoughts had left their mark over the furniture, the walls, the lawyer himself.<em>

"_Mr. Shepherd" he called sadly, like he was sorry. "Those are the divorce papers you requested"_

_My heart sank in my stomach. We were at the turning point and I didn't even had the guts to tell Meredith that I wanted a divorce. _

_Seven years together. We had been happy. We had been blessed with two amazing children and still, I was holding in my hands the end of all this. _

_I was ending the yelling, the tears, the uncomfortable silences, the glares while the children didn't noticed, the nights in the guest room. _

_I was ending Sunday smiles too, afternoons in the park with the kids, being woken up in the middle of the night for a quickie when the kids weren't around, the perfect way in which she moved with her indigo scrubs on, her beautiful, rare smile that somehow after having Grace first and then Kieran, blossomed and remained constantly on her lips. _

_We had been blessed one year ago, we had been in love. _Weren't we in love anymore?

"_You can take them home and think about it a little bit more" the lawyer said, sensing my hesitation. "You surely need to discuss children custody, assets, money splitting. It's a long process I know" he said almost carelessly, like my money wasn't her money, my house wasn't the house I built for her to live with me, like our children were just another thing to fight upon and not the product of our love. _

_There were four people involved in this and, when I requested the papers, I completely forgot about that, my rage blinding me to see what a beautiful life I was ruining. We both didn't even knew who to blame for what happened or why but suddenly, having those papers in my hand seemed like stepping out of the ring without a fight and since I had fought for Addison, I needed to fight for Meredith, because she was the love of my life and the mother of my children and in the past year, I forgot that. _The love of my life_._

_I placed the papers back on his desk and I looked at the man in the eyes, a comforting but dull brown, too many things layered in there as well "I need to think about it. If I'll need them I'll came back"_

_I stood up and my eye caught the final paper, the one marked with flashy sticky arrows, one pointed to Dr. Derek Christopher Shepherd, the other, on the opposite direction, far and apart from the previous name, pointing to Dr. Meredith Elizabeth Grey-Shepherd. And the distance on the paper was suddenly unbearable. _

_I shook my head and I went out of the office, hurrying home, needing to see Meredith, even to just fight with her. I needed to know that she was still my wife, even broken, even not herself, even if she became just the mother of my children it was enough. I needed Meredith and it felt foreign after one year. Raw, rough. It was there though._

_The house was eerily quiet, the kids clearly already in bed considering it was almost eleven when I felt brave enough to get home. In the family room the light was on and it seemed to mock me. Family, I wanted to end this whole concept after seven years. _

_The TV was off, but the slumped body of my wife sat curled up in the far corner of the couch, her legs wrapped closer to her chest, staring at the darkness outside the wide window. I could hear her sniffle, just like most of the nights I came home. _

_It broke me. _

_I haven't done anything in the past year except fight her and yell and push her away when she just needed two arms to hold her together. _

_I walked towards her and she remained still, brushing away her tears, ready to bolt, until I blocked her escape by crouching in front of her. I lifted up my gaze and I met her eyes full of tears, the green shimmering and mixing with the gray. _

_I put my hand on her socked feet and I expected her to pull away from me, like she had done in the past year. Instead she barely curled her toes, then relaxed, letting out a shaky breath. Her eyes locked with mine and she seemed to plead me to stay there, the tears slowly crawling down her cheeks, but she didn't wiped them away. She was vulnerable but she wasn't hiding anymore._

_My hands moved up to brush her shins, then her knees, up to her elbows, slowly, slowly reaching her shoulders and I stood up, cupped her cheeks and held her there, then I kissed the top of her head and she broke down._

"_Derek" she breathed shakily, pleading, sobbing "Derek" she repeated, in a whisper, like she was trying out a new word._

"_Meredith" I replied back and her name sounded just like I always wanted to pronounce it, a little bit more broken though. _

_She reached out and cupping my face too, brushed my cheeks with her thumbs and only then I realized that I was crying too. _

_We held onto each other for an endless time, just staring at each other, taking in the bodies we had forgot for such a long time. I stared at the light in her hair, the invisible freckles on her nose, her rosy lips that for so long I haven't kissed, her eyes, full of everything, full of her. _

_She stared back, until she stretched and quickly kissed my lips. She tasted like pear juice, salt and love. When she pulled away, I quickly sat next to her and lifted her up in my arms, holding her tightly while she curled up on my lap, her hand grabbing a fistful of my sweater while she let out more sobs. _

_I kissed the top of her head and I breathed in the smell of lavender, the smell of Meredith, the smell of home, letting my tears go freely. _

_We didn't need words, we had used so many of them to hurt each other, we just needed connection. And she finally calmed down, her sobs subsided to sniffles, then just a regular, shaky breathing, until she was heavy in my arms and I knew she was drifting off to sleep. I haven't held my wife in her sleep for one year. _

"_Will you make love to me tonight?" she asked, looking up to meet my eyes and it was more than that, it was re-establishing what we were, our connection, our omnipresent way to demonstrate our love to each other. And I nodded, because I needed that too, I needed to know that we were still us._

_She leaned against my chest, her head on my shoulder, when we both heard two distinct set of faint steps on the stairs and we waited for our children to show up. _

_Grace entered in the room holding Kieran's hand. My little boy looked extremely guilty while Grace looked like she had grown ten years or so and seemed a younger version of Mother Meredith, looking exactly like me instead._

"_Mommy" Grace whispered softly, tightening her hold on Kieran _

_Meredith turned to her with a bright smile, barely entangling from my arms "What is it?"_

"_Kieran had a nightmare" she said, clearly withholding something._

"_Come here" she said softly but Kieran kept standing next to his sister, staring at the floor. "It happens you know. Daddy has nightmares too" she said, looking up at me and we both knew that maybe we were just waking up from our last nightmare, one that lasted for a year._

"_Of course Bud" I replied with a smile, my hand rubbing soothing circles on Meredith's hip, needing the connection. _More is better.

_Grace glanced at him and he looked like he was about to cry when she said "He peed in the bed"_

"_I didn't do it on purpose" he immediately blurted but we both smiled._

"_I told you they wouldn't get mad" Grace whispered wisely and for a moment I wondered if our children were scared of us, of the yelling and the non-touching. The way in which Meredith stiffened made me believe she thought about the same thing._

"_Okay, let's get you clean sheets then we all go back to bed. Tomorrow you have school" Meredith said calmly, untangling from my arms but squeezing my hand before leaving. _

_I followed her upstairs where I helped Kieran pick out a new pajama, cleaned him and helped him dress while Meredith changed the sheets and Grace helped her. Kieran was silent while Grace spoke softly to Meredith about her friends and their siblings. _

_Kieran was a quiet boy. I never expected him to be a quiet four-year-old boy, but he was. He liked to play with other children, but he was content when he played with cars all alone as well and in stress situation, he wasn't very chatty. Meredith always joked that maybe he wasn't my son. _Before, she joked before_. _

_I picked him up in my arms and we went back to his room where I gave him to Meredith and he snuggled closer to her chest, burying his head in the crook of her neck. _

"_Can I sleep with you Mommy?" he whispered and she looked at me intensely. I nodded imperceptibly because the bigger step was made, we had the rest of our lives to make love._

"_You know that brave boys sleep in their own bed and you are my bravest boy" she smiled convincingly while Grace looked perplexed. She could always stay in our bed after a nightmare._

"_But what if more monsters come?"_

"_Then you can knock at our door and you can sleep in our bed" I helped and he turned to me with a hopeful gaze. _

"_Am I the bravest boy?"_

"_Braver than Daddy" she whispered and we shared a smile._

_Meredith tucked him in bed and she kissed his forehead, then I set his sheet and did the same, whispering "Good night my brave boy"_

_Then we went out of the room with Grace to tuck her in bed as well. She jumped under the sheets then looked up at us and said in a serious voice, carefully looking at me "Is Kieran in his bed because you have to make love to Mommy?"_

_I paled and cleared my throat, Meredith instead sat on her bed and said "Me and Daddy have to talk about a few things and he couldn't sleep if he was in bed with us while we talked"_

"_Because you are going to yell?" _

"_No, not this time" she said, giving me a small, comforting smile._

"_Why you asked Daddy to make love to you, then?"_

"_Because sometimes talking is not enough and we need to say how much we love each other by making love"_

_Grace frowned "And how do you do that?"_

"_We..." she stopped for a moment, turning to me like she wanted to know if I had a PG version of it but I just smirked "We kiss each other a lot and you said kissing is yucky so well, I bet Kieran doesn't want to see that either" she said smartly._

"_Do you hug too? I like hugging"_

"_Yeah, sometimes, but we mostly kiss" I finally intervened. _

"_Do you wear your clothes?" we glanced at each other and we both had fear in our eyes "Because when I was with Amber we were looking for cartoons on TV and there was a movie where two people were hugging and kissing in a bed without clothes and Amber said they were having sex"_

"_That is a bad word Grace, you shouldn't say it" Meredith reproached but the panic in her eyes was still there._

"_Is that bad word like making love?" pried Grace, her curiosity hard to stop._

"_Okay, this is a very grown up conversation, like a secret between you and me and Daddy, all right?" the girl nodded "Practically, they are the same thing, but when you make love there are a lot more things involved." Meredith stopped, thinking, her eyes flickering to mine for the briefest moment "You give a piece of yourself to the other person and you are sure you never want it back and so does the other person"_

"_Like the pictures I give to Amber to tell her she is my friend?"_

"_Exactly, even though it's much more deeper than that. You can't see the piece, you feel it. It's something that only grown ups do"_

"_Like sex?"_

"_Only grown ups. You have a whole life for that" Meredith added with a smile, looking at me again._

"_So are you going to tell Daddy how much you love him tonight?"_

_Meredith grinned, then stood up and put her hand on my chest, her eyes sparkling while she leaned in and whispered "I love you so much, Derek" then she kissed me, softly like before, because Grace was still watching, but with all the love we had pushed aside for so long._

_When she pulled away and I whispered "I love you too, Meredith" we both noticed that Grace was hiding under the covers and only when I tickled her she emerged, laughing hysterically. _

_We weren't perfect, but we weren't broken either, and that was the most important part._

* * *

><p>"Dad, are you crying?"<p>

Kieran's voice pulled me out of my memories and yet he was a teenage boy already, wearing jeans and a plain t-shirt instead of aliens pajamas.

"I was thinking about Mom" I said, wiping away the tears I hadn't even noticed I was crying.

He sat on the couch in my office silently, still the same quiet boy he had been in my memory. He was looking around the office, glancing at every piece, every photo that with the years I had collected in there, trying to make it feel like home when none of my family members were around.

Most photos were of the children, one of the Shepherd family, one of the wedding and my eyes lingered there, on the pregnant figure of Meredith, her hair blowing with the breeze, her hands around my neck while we swayed on the dancefloor.

"Are those Emily's sonograms?" asked Kieran suddenly curious, pointing at a framed series of three sonograms in a row, hanging on the wall under our wedding photograph. I stood up and with a smile I went to closer to it.

"That's you, Kieran. Thirty-six weeks old" I said, pointing at the picture in the middle. His eyes widened and he moved closer, staring at the image. I picked it and gave it to him.

"The first one is Grace, same weeks, the one after you is Nathan" I added.

Meredith had a similar series, but with them right after birth, arguing that with the pain she couldn't remember the moment so she wanted to look at them every day.

"We need to add Emily's" Kieran said matter-of-factly and I realized he was right.

With this whole ordeal, I completely forgot about updating the frame.

"Do you want to help? We can fix Mom's frame too"

Kieran nodded with a smile, surely grateful for the distraction and I needed that just as much, to avoid being caught up in the whirlwind of memories.

Across my office Meredith had hers. I took the keys out of my pocket and opened the door.

Everything was neatly placed on the desk and walls, a few papers remained unfinished on the desk, the bin was full of old documents and food wrappers, her seat slightly out of place, like she had been in a hurry the last time she left the office. Her bag was there, hanging with her clothes. It seemed like she never left.

_The scrub room was quiet while I was there with Meredith. Mr. Anderson was already prepped for his craniotomy and Meredith was scrubbing in with me. She wanted to observe, since a full craniotomy was too much for her, she just wanted to be there. Her last day at work she wanted to be in the OR and she knew more than one way to guilt me into this. _

_I tied her mask, caressing her creamy neck softly and she leaned into me. She was smiling, I could see her reflection on the glass despite the mask. Her hands were resting on her round stomach, only two more weeks to go. I massaged her shoulder for a beat, before caressing her stomach and pulling away to scrub in. _

_Her stomach was definitely in the way at this point and she was glowing with happiness. Her nose scrunched up and her eyes closed for a moment, then one of her soapy hands came resting on the top of her bump, rubbing soft circles._

"_Okay Emily, it's the last surgery, okay? Mommy will be overjoyed to stay at home from now on, just wait a few hours, then I'll go home" she talked down to her stomach, her features relaxing._

"_Mer, are you sure you're okay?" I immediately worried_

"_Yeah, Em is just stubborn" she brushed off with a smile._

_I smiled back, looking at her, gloriously pregnant and more gorgeous than anytime. I loved pregnant Meredith, despite the quirks and the mood swings, she was just adorable and there, with her gown bulging with the new life we had created, a mask and her favorite lavender scrub cap, she was just the most beautiful woman in the whole world._

_We finished scrubbing in and she came standing next to me in the OR, her eyes never leaving the open skull in front of us, despite she often rubbed soft circles on her stomach. At first, it was nothing but then they became closer and closer and when I turned to her right before closing up, her face was paler and her hands wrapped around her stomach._

"_Dr. Grey-Shepherd is everything all right?"_

_She looked up at me with frightened eyes and my throat was suddenly dry._

"_I..." she mumbled in a whisper and I put down the needle to stitch up the patient._

"_Meredith" I said and in a moment, she was on the floor. _

_She fell limply, her body in a heap on the OR floor and I wanted to faint too. Blood was seeping out of a gash on her forehead and immediately I realized that she needed me. _

"_I need a gurney in here. Page Addison Montgomery stat and please, somebody close up this man!"_

_I threw away my gloves and knelt on the floor, one hand stroking Meredith's face, the other on her stomach "Mer, please, stay with me okay? You're gonna be alright, I promise" I whispered, gathering her in my arms and despite the extra weight of Emily, she was lighter than she had ever been. _

_I was out of the OR before anybody could tell me anything, my head going in autopilot while my heart was slowly ripping apart. Meredith collapsed in my OR. Meredith was hurting. _

_I placed her on the gurney when I noticed Addison rushing towards us. When I pulled away, one of my arm was covered in blood and then I knew that something was completely and utterly wrong._

"_What ahppened?" Addison shouted._

"_She...she collapsed. I..."_

"_Derek, let me take care of her and your baby."_

"_Addison"_

"_I know. I need to perform an emergency C-section, the baby is in distress, her placenta ruptured. Do you want to be in there?"_

"_I need..."_

"_Clean yourself up Derek"_

_I scrubbed in for the second time that day, but suddenly the world wasn't the same. When I arrived in the OR, Addison was pulling out Emily and, a few seconds later, our baby was crying desperately. I moved closer and I noticed how beautiful our girl was, before placing a kiss on Meredith's forehead and sitting next to her, holding her hand. _

_I jumped up immediately when the terrible sound of a flat line filled the room and I couldn't take it anymore. My Meredith couldn't die. My wife should not die before even seeing Emily. Meredith was not supposed to die before I was one-hundred and ten. _

I heard Kieran shuffle around the room and he pulled me out of my thoughts for the second time that day. It seemed like I couldn't escape memories and still, even if the surgery went perfectly and Emily was beyond perfect, that lingering fear of never seeing her beautiful eyes anymore was nagging at me.

Kieran looked around and sighed, then cut the heavy atmosphere with one of his usual jokes "You know, I looked better in the womb than outside" he said, frowning when he saw his picture on the wall.

"We weren't of the same opinion at the time" I smiled, remembering Meredith's elated expression when Addison placed him on her chest, still covered in bodily fluids and all, and she only said "A boy, Derek" before letting out a batch of tears.

"I remember Nathan when he was born" he added

"Yeah?"

"I thought he was stealing my spot, I had to take precautions" he giggled and I chuckled with him.

"Let's get to work or we'll never finish" I said, the urge to do something still not forgotten and being in Meredith's little sanctuary clearly didn't help.

At home, after a relatively silent drive, we locked ourselves in the shed where I kept all my fishing tools and I had a working table as well.

I had quickly grabbed the only picture of Emily already taken and the sonogram, then Kieran helped me to build a wooden frame that fit perfectly each image.

"You know Dad, this is a pretty cool idea, I mean, everybody has family photos in the office but this..." said Kieran, while admiring my completed office frame. Emily fit perfectly after Nathan.

"Mom framed Grace's for me for my birthday when she was a few months old and I just kept adding them"

I smoothed Meredith's new frame and Kieran smiled proudly "You know, I look exactly like Grace here while Emily looks exactly like Nathan, isn't that weird?"

"I hope she'd be a little less trouble than him" I chuckled and he joined me

"I'll keep an eye on her" he immediately got overprotective and if Meredith could hear she would roll her eyes at that. I simply pat his shoulder. "Dad?" he asked then, his voice changing edge.

"What is it?"

"What if I don't want to be a surgeon?" he whispered, avoiding my gaze. His eyes lingered on the frame while I processed his sentence and considering it all, I actually realized that I didn't mind much.

"What do you want to be?"

"I don't know, but I like building things" he admitted

"You can be whatever you want in your life, Mom will tell you that when she'll wake up" I tried to brighten his mood and it seemed to work a little.

He smiled slightly, clearly relieved by the revelation then said "Let's go back to the hospital, Dad, I want to tell Mom that she has a surprise waiting for her when she'll wake up"

And with that he disappeared, planting a seed of hope in my already broken heart and maybe mending a little the tear on it.

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><p><strong>AN: I told you it was sad.<strong>

**I know, Derek almost filing for divorce is not really the Derek we had seen painting his wife and children in the yard. I know, but everything will be cleared up if you'll be patient.**

**Since Meredith is still in a limbo, I'll try to update just as quickly, even though I need to fix a few things about the university and stuff like that. **

**I hope you loved this and that the two flashbacks weren't too much. They just fit there and I'm sorry if I didn't make a separate chapter for the whole collapsing thing. Trust me when I tell you things will get lighter from now on, but I'll warn you if you need to keep a tissue around ;)**


	13. Death Will Never Conquer

**The title may give away about the content of the chapter, but I hope you all be surprised nonetheless. I decided to try getting into Grace's head for this. It was easier than other times, since she's my dream-like figure of how cool I could be if I just tried harder, but I'm lazy so I'll remain Irene and she'll be Grace. Tell me if you liked the change in PoVs, I just wanted to experiment a little. I guess this whole thing is a huge experiment, somehow, but you still like it ;)**

**_Death Will Never Conquer_ is also a title of a Coldplay song, like an incredibly short, country-like Coldplay song, but give it a try. It will be worth it.**

**This is the final three-chapter goodness I had planned, then updates will probably return to their previous schedule, even though I might just pace to finish this. **

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 12 – Death Will Never Conquer<strong>

I grew up in a hospital. I think I knew better Seattle Grace than my own high school at this point. I wasn't going to be in the latter a lot longer, after all, just a few months and then who knows.

I was sure I wanted to be a surgeon, people said I had it in my blood, but my parents never pressured me to be a mini-them.

Dad has always been a hard man to understand. He was stubborn and saw things in black or white most of the time, but he was a great father. Mom always said we have a special bond, even if I'm not sure about it. He surely had a soft spot for me, he hardly denied me something, but at the same time it seemed like he couldn't accept me growing up.

Mom was...I don't even know where to start to say how glad I was that I had a mother like her. And not just because she sneaked me in the gallery when she had cool surgeries. She cared, for everybody in a different way, but she cared. She always knew when something was wrong with me or my brothers, her friends or Dad. The relationship she has with Dad is almost unreal. They look like teenager sometimes, or newlyweds which I don't know which is worse.

Except that it's fascinating.

I have seen them in different environments, but their love was just the same. I wished I could find a love as big as theirs. They didn't even made a big deal about all the gooey eyes and the stolen touches Cristina hates -she told me to drop the Aunt title when I was eleven-.

I look up to them and all the time I feel like I'm disappointing them somehow, even if they are still there, cheering me up and making me feel like I'm the best daughter they could have. It's surreal.

It's even more surreal the fact that maybe Mom will never woke up.

I saw Dad checking her scans with shaky hands, the film rustling under his usually unwavering fingertips. I just turned around, because I couldn't bear seeing Dad like this.

Dad was a surgeon, a strong, stoic man. I heard Mom crying sometimes, when things got hard and she thought I was too little to understand, but I remember doors slamming and tears from their bedroom. But Dad never ever cried. He yelled a lot, they had had pretty heated screaming match once in a while, but he never left in tears, that was Mom's role.

After Mom's coma I have seen him smiling a real smile once, when I placed Emily in his arms for the first time. _That tiny pink bundle that is my little sister_.

I still couldn't believe I had a little sister and a mother in a coma without any apparent good reason.

As I entered in her room after the umpteenth pointless day at school, Mom looked like she was simply sleeping. Except for the fact that she wasn't snoring and Dad wasn't there, teasing her. After eighteen years he still made the same jokes and she still laughed.

"Hey Mom" I said, my voice breaking a little while I put the backpack at the end of her bed.

I had pretended everything was all right at school. I wanted normality, but it was hard when you didn't know that last time you talked to your mother could have been the last one. And I probably even yelled, or rose my voice, I can't even remember. It was something about a party, or a bad mark. Something clearly not important, because I couldn't recall why I was upset.

"Hey Emily" I moved closer to the cradle next to Mom's bed where Emily was sleeping, all wrapped in blankets, just like Dad had left her this morning. She was beautiful and she looked a hell of a lot like Mom.

"Grace"

I turned towards the voice to see the shell of my father standing there, faking a small smile. He hadn't shaved in a long time and, even if the beard was sexy -at least Mom said so-, it made him look even more broken. His indigo scrubs were wrinkled, his hair far from the usual perfection, his eyes dull.

He had never had dull eyes when he was around Mom. It happened when sometimes he lost a patient that he was fond of, but as soon as his eyes met Mom's, they were sparkling again.

That man wasn't Dad.

"Hey Dad" I didn't even know what to say to him. He had been my hero for a long time and now he was just crumbling right in front of me.

I moved closer to him and I hugged him. His arms went immediately around me and he crushed me in his arms, fighting tears. Mom said that sometimes we shouldn't use words with him, because he was brainless, but a hug was always welcomed.

"You know" he began, his voice filled with tears "Emily doesn't want formula" he swallowed thickly, his hold on me tightening "She wants her mother's milk" he choked at the end of the sentence and he finally cried again "She..."

"Dad" I tried to calm him but I realized I was crying too

"I don't...I can't..." he was almost hyperventilating.

"Breathe Dad"

At first, he cried harder, almost like he was overwhelmed by the memories resurfacing then, he finally calmed down and his tears subsided. As he let go of me gently, his eyes were puffy and he looked even more lost.

He went closer to Emily's cradle, picked her up and kissed softly her forehead, caressing every feature, drinking in her novelty then he whispered "I love you, baby girl" before placing a kiss on the crown of her head then laying her down again. She didn't even flinch, but her cheeks stretched in what resembled a smile, even if we both knew she couldn't really smile yet. _God, I love my little sister so much already_.

Dad took the two steps that separated him from Mom's bedside and he stood there for an endless time, just looking at her. He took clean bandages and carefully, lovingly, changed the old ones. Every movement seemed like a caress, his fingers working like he was in the OR and it wasn't a simple suture the one he was covering but it was an open brain. Mom was more important than any open brain at the moment.

He finished in who knows how long and Mom kept breathing regularly, like she was sleeping. Nothing was normal though. He bent over her and kissed her forehead, tenderly, almost with the same kindness he kissed Emily's tiny body, then pressed his lips to hers for a quick kiss, full of promises, full of love, full of his whole broken self. He ran his fingers through her hair, he kissed her again then whispered "I love you Meredith. I will love you forever" then he kissed the back of her hand and managed a small, barely noticeable smile.

He turned to me with tears in his eyes and waited a moment before speaking, trying to regain his composure. He was a broken man, a broken lover, a broken father.

He cleared his throat but when he said "I'm going to pick up Nathan from school" his voice was still raspy and hoarse from the tears.

"I can go, if you want to stay"

"It's...You stay Grace, I..." he shook his head, then moved towards me and kissed my cheek, the same softness he used for Emily or for Mom, just different.

"I'll stay with Mom until you're back" I said, giving him a quick hug. He looked like he was about to fall apart.

"Thank you. I'll be back with your brothers and Grandma in a couple of hours"

"Take your time Dad. And breathe" He nodded, then shuffled out of the room.

He had been like this since the day Mom went in a coma. He barely talked, he barely moved from the room, I don't even know if he had eaten something in the past twenty-four hours or if he had slept. He wasn't Dad anymore. Every little thing looked like a mountain to climb and he just couldn't do it alone. He felt guilty for neglecting Emily at first, he felt numb because Mom could never wake up again and he simply wasn't Dad anymore.

"Hi Mom" I repeated again, sounding weird even to myself. I didn't know how to talk to her so, while I made up my mind on what to tell her, I scooped up Emily. She gurgled and frowned, but she was sleeping again as soon as she was flushed to my chest. I put her back in the cradle, not wanting to disturb her any further. She was just perfect in every little thing.

I took Mom's hand in mine and I squeezed, gently, the tiny hope to feel her squeeze back never forgotten. She had surgeon hands, rough sometimes but accurate. Since she had been on leave, her hands became soft again and she used to tease Dad all the time because he still had rough hands.

"It's our first Girls Day for Emily" I said lamely, hoping that Emily could have Girls Day like I did. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, I'm sure you can't even remember why we were yelling. We don't usually get along easily, you and me" I sighed, but a small smile appeared on my lips "Aunt Cristina says we are too alike to get along. Don't tell her I called her Aunt or she'll have my head" my smile somehow widened.

I watched for a moment her even breaths and I let her heart monitor lull my thoughts. "Emily doesn't want formula, they are trying everything but she just doesn't want to..." I continued, at this point I had tears in my eyes. "She deserves to know you, Mom. I can't be her Mommy." I said forcefully, but my resolutions slowly wavering.

"Kieran is not going to school anymore and I don't know what to tell him, Nathan has not broken anything, he just stays up in his room all day, waiting. When I go to Kieran's room I usually find the two of them laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. They miss you like crazy. And Emily here is silently telling you to wake up, because..."

I cleared my throat, unable to continue the conversation I had started but still needing to set free the burden I kept inside me in the past few days "She's beautiful Mom, you and Dad created a very beautiful little girl" I sighed, the first tear falling on our linked hands, on her creamy skin.

"God, Mom" I let out a choked breath "Dad...Mom, Dad will die if you die. I don't know if he's still alive at this point. I can't take care of him like you do, I...Dad needs you Mom, he's broken and you know how to fix him. Every time I see him, he's crying. Dad doesn't cry. I..."

I breathed, trying to calm the free-fall of tears "I can't...I don't want to graduate and not see you in the crowd. I would have accepted surgery but Mom, you...I can't be a surgeon if you are not here with us." I admitted solemnly. She was the reason I wanted to be a surgeon. Her and Dad. They had it all, and they still managed to be there for all of us. I wanted it all too.

"I don't want to be anything in my life if you are not going to wake up. I had so many special moments with you and Emily had none. She deserves all I had. And Nathan had so little time with you, you are the only one that gets him. Kieran is much more Dad's guy, I know, but he'd do anything for you" I sighed, recalling memories of Kieran and Mom, when we were younger, happier, when things were easier. I wiped away the tears with the back of my hand.

"Dad will never move on. He's not living anymore. He will never operate again if you don't wake up. The Dad I always had is in a coma with you, so please..." I stopped again, unable to continue.

I took back Mom's hand in mine and I leaned over her bed, crying with my head on our joined hands.

There was nothing we could do. She was breathing, she had fluids, she had a good heart rate, clean head scans, she was practically ready to breastfeed.

_She was in a coma_.

"I love you so much, Mom. I know it's been a while that I have told you that, but I do. I love you. You are the Mom everybody dreams to have. My friends are so jealous of me sometimes, because I have you as a mother." I affirmed, squeezing her hand.

When I felt a faint squeeze back, I thought I was dreaming. I tried again and this time the squeeze back was tighter. I looked up and I could see her eyelids fighting to let the light in.

"Mom?" I whispered, our hand still joined while my voice filled with wonder.

Her eyes finally opened and I was crying happy tears for the first time in days "Oh my God, Mom!" I shrieked, squeezing her hand tightly.

She looked at me and the corner of her lips moved up in a tired smile "Grace" she croaked, her voice hoarse.

"Thank God, Mom!" I giggled, gently hugging her. She carefully lifted her arm and managed to hug me back.

I looked at her for a moment longer, while she regained some more strength and her eyes seemed more like the usual green. Tired, but there. I handed her a glass of water and she sipped it calmly with a straw, every movement like a big effort, but she was there.

Her hand moved then to rest on her stomach out of an habit and she gasped. "What..." she began asking, fear filling her familiar green-gray eyes.

I cut her off before she could get too worked up "Emily is fine. You had an emergency C-section after you fainted in the OR with Dad. Do you remember anything?"

"I...Yes" she struggled "Is Emily okay?"

"She's right here Mom and she's beautiful" I replied with a smile and I could see her relax. She looked around and spotted the cradle longingly so I stood up and picked up Emily, who was still asleep, then I went back to Mom's bedside.

She had tears in her eyes as soon as I turned Emily to her. "I want to hold her" she said, her voice more clear than anytime before. I moved up her bed and she was almost in a sitting position, then I gave her Emily in her arms.

She took the baby carefully, all her gestures slow and calm, but Emily seemed to relax immediately at Mom's touch, even in her sleep.

"God, Grace" she mumbled to herself

"She's perfect, right?" I confirmed and she just stared at our new family member in wonder.

"Where's Dad?" she asked then

"Picking up the boys for a visit and Nana from the airport" I admitted "He's..." I didn't know how to describe him to her without the safe protection of a coma.

"I heard everything you said" she smiled softly, before giving me back Emily. "Put her down and give your Mom a hug" she whispered then, a small smile brightening her beaten features. I didn't waited a second before being in her arms.

"I'm going to say to the nurses to page Dad, okay?" I said when we pulled away, both our eyes filling with tears.

"I'll rest a bit more. I love you Grace" she said.

"I love you too Mom" I whispered.

I went to out to inform the nurses, who welcomed the information with a smile and happily paged Dad. They all knew her around the hospital and the news of her coma had surely traveled fast. Before I could come back inside, I saw Dad running towards me.

"What happened?" he called, breathless, his voice filled with pure terror.

"Mom is awake" I said, my face drawing up a smile.

He stared at me for a second, dumbfounded, then magically, he was the same old Dad with twinkling eyes "Mom is awake?" he asked again, for good measure

"Yes, she is" I walked closer to him and this time the hug we shared wasn't desperate, it was filled with everything. He was crying too, but finally happy tears.

"Oh my God!" my grandmother's voice reached my ear and it was dripping with fear as well. I turned to her and I noticed my brothers too. They were panicking.

"She's awake! Meredith is awake!" Dad repeated with a wonderful smile, like he had found his new favorite word. "Mom is going to be fine" he said it again to my brothers before we could all hug together.

We went in holding hands, almost afraid that the spell could be broken and Mom would just sleep forever. Nathan jogged between me and Kieran while Grandma trailed behind Dad. We gave him a few moments alone, before we could burst in.

Mom was still sleeping peacefully but this time, when Dad kissed her forehead, her eyes fluttered open and Dad burst in even more tears. She pulled him down for another kiss, both of them freely crying happy tears, then their hands folded in a tight grip while the kiss remained gentle and loving.

"Oh Derek" she whispered, almost afraid to say anything more when she pulled away.

"Meredith" he replied and somehow, they gave away all their love just calling each other. Their names became filled with everything that made them perfect.

"I held Emily" she whispered after their silence "She's perfect"

"She is" he nodded back, their lips locking for another brief kiss.

"I love you Derek" she finally uttered, but Mom had said that a thousand times with her eyes already.

"I love you too, Meredith" Dad smiled brightly "The boys and Mom want to say hi" he smirked, almost as if nothing had happened.

"We'll continue this later, then" she smirked back, despite her tiredness.

From that moment on, I realized that if I would find a love like the one my parents had, I was going to be pretty damn lucky.

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><p><strong>AN: Well, I hope you enjoyed this! <strong>

**Random Fact: I'm officially a freshman! Loving the idea, a little less the amount of work behind it, but that's life. I'll try to keep up with the updates despite the work that will surely add up, you know that already. I love all your feedback too much to give up!**


	14. The Last Of The BlueEyed Babies

**I know, I've been away forever. I just spent my last two days house-hunting and we finally found a place! ****And trying to fit all the possible courses in my schedule has been crazy so I apologize for taking so long for an update.**

**Okay, this image for the title has been borrowed from Iron & Wine, Innocent Bones. Not an all time favorite, but it's I&W folks!**

**I have nothing else to add, except thank all the people who reviewed the last set of three chapters, I really appreciated it. **

**Enjoy this update, then!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 13 – The Last Of The Blue-Eyed Babies<strong>

When my senses started to become more aware, I could see a soft bouncing light behind my closed eyelids. It was morning and I was alive. I had headache, my lower abdomen hurt but I was alive.

I groggily opened my eyes and I tried to decipher the color blobs that were appearing. One became the oxygen machine, the other, a little further on the left, became Emily's cradle. _She was probably fast asleep_.

I tried to move and for the first time, it didn't hurt all that much. I slowly sat up in the quiet of the early morning light and I dangled my legs off the bed. The feeling of the cold tiles was suddenly foreign to my feet when I reached the floor, but I adapted quickly. I slowly, painfully slowly, stood up and I was glad the world wasn't spinning anymore. I put one feet in front of the other and I shuffled to the bathroom.

I shut the door with a thud and in front of me appeared my reflection. For a moment I focused on my worn face, the lines were becoming more marked, the hair in disarray, the flimsy gown. I couldn't shower yet, but washing my face and up to my arms felt divine. I quickly got tired though so I decided to just pee and go back to bed and ask Derek to help me clean up later.

Derek had hovered, but I secretly loved this side of him. This time though, Grace and Kieran hovered too and I just needed some time alone. Nathan luckily had been his old noisy self, which was comforting, considering what Grace had said about him. I looked at my freshly washed face in the mirror one last time, then I slowly moved back to the bed.

Halfway there though, I noticed Emily fussing and I quickly turned back in 'mommy mode'. It had been a while that I had needed to handle a newborn, but things seemed to just come back when I needed them. People called it maternal instinct but suddenly, it seemed so much more.

Emily balled her fists tightly, then her eyes snapped open and she began whimpering. Before it could become a full-lungs cry, I dragged my feet there and I looked at her. I stroked her cheek and she quieted immediately.

Emily was a gorgeous little girl, this thought couldn't leave my head the more I stared at her and the more she made her scrunchy newborn faces at me.

Gorgeous.

And we made her from scratch.

I couldn't believe that I could create something so perfect with Derek, but every time Derek was put in the equation things kept amazing me.

I glanced away from Emily's clenched fists for a moment and I remembered of the rocking chair in the corner of the room, the one where Grace usually loved to curl up when she came visiting. I smiled to myself and I brought Emily's cradle closer to the chair. I slowly sat there while Emily was already protesting for her breakfast, then I stretched a little to pick up Emily from the cradle and hold her closer to my chest.

She calmed down a little as soon as she realized she was in my arms, but then her chubby, wrinkly hand went immediately to my boob and her intentions were suddenly explained. I untied my gown and I diligently obeyed to her request.

I was glad she was so eager to eat after being so difficult while I wasn't there, but I bet that was just the first sign of her inherited stubbornness.

I stared at her once again, looking at her tiny lips around my nipple, her chubby hands balled in fists resting on top of my chest, her warm, pink skin touching mine, her back arched to fit perfectly into my hold, her incredibly small toes balled in the same way her fists were, her knees bent making her look like a bundle of flesh and clothes in my arms. _Our perfect bundle_.

Emily was contentedly eating when somebody knocked gently at the door, then opened it and I saw Carolyn Shepherd's face peeking out from the crack. The elder woman immediately smiled widely and entered the room when she saw me sitting there.

"Meredith!" she whispered, overjoyed

"Hi Carolyn" I whispered back, a wide smile plastered on my lips.

I immediately had a wonderful relationship with the woman, but with the passing years it just blossomed. I didn't called her 'Mom' just for an habit but she immediately became the mother I never had. Derek joked that she loved me and her grandchildren more than her own son and I didn't do anything to comfort him.

Carolyn stood in front of me and just stared at me, almost in the same way I had stared at Emily in the past minutes. Almost like she was checking by herself how okay I was. It was the first time that we were alone so she took her time and I let her. It was nice to know that I have all those people around you after all, the continuous flow of people in and out of my room in the past days confirmed it. I didn't mind for my quiet morning to be interrupted by my mother-in-law.

Carolyn suddenly moved closer and squeezed my shoulder "Oh Meredith, I was so worried" she breathed out heavily.

"I'm okay, Carolyn. I will be just fine"

Emily declared herself full when she soundly detached from my nipple and snuggled closer to my chest.

"I know, and you know why I was so worried" _because you're a mother, I know that already_.

"We are okay" I repeated. I held Emily over my shoulder and I gently pat her back, waiting for her to burp and enjoying the closeness at the same time. I never wanted to part from her anytime soon.

"And I'm happy to hear that." Carolyn smiled softly and no more words were needed. This was one of the characteristics she shared with Derek, silence spoke louder than hundreds of words with them, gestures were important and I slowly learned to appreciate that. I mirrored her smile and we shared the comfortable silence. "So, how's my brand new granddaughter doing?" she continued, her tone suddenly lighter.

"She's perfect, Carolyn. She's..." _she's so many things already_.

"I can see that" she giggled at my inability to speak and she knew better than anyone else that it was not a side effect of the blow in the head. "She looks just like you" she added, peeking at Emily's face after I moved her back in the cradle of my arms.

"I can see a bit of Nathan there"

"Yeah, but also Grace. She has the same cheeks Derek had though"

"All my children are just as cheeky" I grinned, suddenly images of all the other three at her age flashing in the back of my head, framed on my office wall. "And with amazing hair" I sighed, knowing better than anyone else how wonderful was to tread my fingers through the Shepherd's hair. I had five heads to choose from at this point.

"Derek can't deny they are his children"

"Definitely" I giggled

"Kieran looks just like him but I'm sure he's luckier with the girls than how Derek had been" Carolyn mocked.

"There's something going on in that department, yeah" I sighed, not really knowing where to go from there. It had been a blow knowing that Grace was sexually active, that she liked partying and I knew it would have happened with Kieran too, but it seemed suddenly too early for that, especially with Emily in my arms.

"When they'll bring home the right girl or the right boy, all the worries will fade" Carolyn suggested wisely and once again, she read me before I could speak.

"It's surreal. Did it felt surreal to you?" I demanded, old worries resurfacing.

"When Michael died I saw my children grow up in the blink of the eye. After what they had been through, suddenly they could be considered adults. It didn't felt less foreign though when Kathleen brought home her first date and Michael was still with us"

"Will I always feel a bit left out?"

"They are independent people, they build lives and they stop telling things to mothers, even if they'll need help figuring things out once in a while. It will pass, with time."

"Do you think we are crazy having children so distant in age from each other?" I asked worriedly, because it suddenly seemed an issue to solve for my hormones.

"Let the people talk, Meredith. You had been through a lot together and you know better than me that a baby is a blessing. I know you don't believe in the same things I believe in, but I think that if God wanted you to experience this, maybe it had to happen, just like everything else happened. I need to think there's something above guiding our lives and I name it God"

"You know, being around you and Derek, being a surgeon, sometimes I need to know there's a God too" I admitted

"It must be hard to see death every day"

"We also see life, beautiful miracles. That's what keeps me going and makes me want to be a better surgeon every day"

I looked down at the new life in my arms, remembering each of the patients I saw giving up through the years and Carolyn gave me some space to think. I was grateful for the quiet after the swarm of people.

"Are you going to be okay when Derek goes back to work?" Carolyn interrupted then, surely already eager to help.

"If I'll feel better we'll manage but if you want to stay, the Shepherd's cabin is always filled with people. We took in Amber, Grace's friend, for a couple of months but I'm sure we can fit you in" I chuckled. I was grateful for the six bedrooms at this point, even if at first they seemed just too much.

"I prefer a full house rather than my empty one. Those were the good days" Carolyn smirked.

"When Mark Sloan rocked havoc?"

"Oh, he's been a fan of the old Shepherds residence"

"Even of the new one, especially the barbecue grill" I chuckled.

"I always joked that he and Derek would marry sisters, but I wasn't that wrong was I?" we both giggled and as soon as she was mentioned, Lexie appeared at my door, quickly closing it when she noticed Carolyn standing there.

"Come on in Lex!" I shouted completely forgetting about Emily for a moment and she protested with a grunt. Lexie slowly entered the room while I rocked my baby back to sleep.

"I just wanted to give you some privacy, it looked an important something" she rambled

"We were just chatting" I smiled softly but she seemed still on edge "What is it?"

She swallowed, looking between me, Carolyn and Emily then she whispered "Dad is here" her gaze fixed on Emily to avoid my eyes while I processed the information.

Thatcher Grey showed up sometimes in my life, especially around big moments like the birth of my children, some Christmases, birthdays, he confessed he chickened out at the wedding, but I couldn't blame him. We had seen each other in the past and we somehow built a friendly relationship.

"I can leave" Carolyn clearly saw me tensing and helped me out of the situation in her own way.

"Let him in, I'm sure he had been worried" I bravely replied.

"You're not mad it slipped in a conversation or..."

"Lexie, he's your father you can tell things to him about me" I smiled. She was still afraid to not be accepted, despite the great relationship we had built with time. Working together surely had helped, but also Grace had been wonderful to bond.

"I...Well, okay" she stammered, forcing a smile.

"Let him in" I kind of ordered her, knowing that either way she was going to stand there and wait for something all day.

"Perfect, I'll just..."

"Go!" I ushered her out and I smiled to Carolyn when Lexie finally followed my request.

"I'll be right outside" Carolyn said then, knowing that Thatched might need his privacy and suddenly wanting to avoid the sure awkwardness between the two of us. She glanced at Emily one last time with the biased expression only a grandmother could have, caressed her hair, then went out of the room, her eyes barely leaving mine.

Her empty spot at the door was quickly replaced by a wobbly Thatcher, more unsure than ever to stand there.

"Meredith" he breathed and relief seemed to course through his body at my sight. It was a common reaction to my presence lately.

"Thatcher" I greeted back. Despite he had half of my liver in him, he still wasn't Dad or anything close to it. Especially knowing what kind of father he could have been as I daily watched Derek with our children.

"I was so worried" he said sincerely and I smiled slightly.

"Everybody was. This is Emily" I radically changed the subject and showed a little more the sleeping baby in my arms.

He moved closer, his eyes softened at the sight, then they became sad and he whispered "She's beautiful" like he did all other two times he had been in the same position.

I could see in his eyes that he felt guilty for walking away, he wanted to know the kids who were biologically his grandchildren but at the same time, he didn't know how to ask. He slowly crept in my life like a small stream and I ended up giving a portion of my liver to him nine years ago. We shared the same blood, after all.

"I'm glad you are here" I held out a metaphorical olive branch

"So am I. I'm still sorry for everything I had done in the past" he said one more time. He said it every time we met, but each time, it sounded a little bit more sincere.

"I know. You also know that you can come over every time and visit my children"

"Thank you. How are they doing? How's Derek?"

"They are okay, still a bit distraught by this whole ordeal, but things are getting back on track. I'll be home before they could miss me" I tried to keep things light "They are going to be here soon, if you want to see them"

"No, I think...I'll just go" he stammered, slowly backing away towards the door.

I tried to stop him "Just hold Emily for a minute before you go" I smiled, knowing that it would mean the world to him to do so.

He wordlessly replied to my request turning his steps towards me and Emily, then stretching his arms a little. I kissed the top of Emily's head, then I placed her gently in his arms. She didn't even stirred but Thatcher had tears in his eyes.

I watched him stare at her in wonder, looking at every little detail, almost as if he wanted to remember it forever.

"You know, it feels just like the first time I held you in my arms" he whispered, his eyes meeting mine that were filling with unexpected tears as well. "She looks just like you, Meredith" and for the first time, he pronounced my name like a father should.

"I...You remember?"

"How could I forget. You were a bit tinier though, I was so worried I could break you or drop you and your mother said 'She's your child, you are not going to break her'. But I did just that" he admitted, his voice sad and sincere "I'm glad you found a better father for your children than the one I had been for you"

I was taken aback by his bluntness and I needed a moment to reply anything, more than a few seconds to even remind myself to breathe.

"Derek is amazing" I could only came up with that cliché answer.

"He really is" he smiled, placing Emily back in my arms, then squeezing my shoulder and after God knows how many years, we made physical contact that resembled a father-daughter relationship. I didn't even know my emotions at that point, but I knew that something had changed in our relationship, something big and if he still wasn't my Dad, he could probably be a decent father for the rest of his life even for me.

Before I could say anything to reply, he was gone and the room was quiet again.

My other three children burst in the room ungracefully and they shook me out of my thoughts for a moment. Derek frowned when he saw me sitting there, but I smiled to him.

"Hey guys" I smiled sincerely to all of them

"Mommy, you're up!" Nathan almost screamed.

"She's sitting, you silly, and don't shout or you'll wake Emily" whispered Kieran before I could say anything, taking his big brother role even more seriously now that there was also a little girl to protect.

"Is the house still standing?" I demanded to no one in particular

"Barely" replied seriously Derek, before chuckling and Kieran joined him.

"I can do housework" retorted Grace, glaring at both of them "Surely better than you two!" and with that they quieted. I smiled at Grace, knowing that she was doing the best she could.

"I'm really grateful for that, Grace, being the woman in the house it's not easy"

"I'm glad there's some back up now" she winked and I saw the three boys' faces turn to happy into really worried by our already forming bond with a very oblivious Emily.

"You'll be just fine" I smiled at the boys but they didn't seemed relieved at all. "Boys" I mumbled to myself but they all understood perfectly.

We looked at each other for a moment, then we burst out laughing, knowing that not a better moment could come out.

I knew I still had a lot going on, that I needed to talk to Derek about Thatcher, or to Grace about being the woman in the house, probably to Nathan or Kieran just because they always needed some advice, I had to take care of Emily, but in that moment, happiness for being there overcame all those thoughts and I was grateful for the new chance at the life I had received as a gift.

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><p><strong>AN: I know, the title didn't exactly fit, but I wanted to update something before you reported me missing and I seriously couldn't find a suitable title. I'm awful, I know. <strong>

**I hope you liked the chapter and you'll stick around for a while. Thank you for being here, reading and reviewing, it means the world, even if I'm extra busy I promise I'll find a moment for you.**


	15. I've Made Hallways Scenes,

**Once again, I'm sorry for the waiting. I crammed all the updates for my stories in this weekend and I feel kind of bad about it. Internet issues have been resolved, so hopefully I'll keep updating a little more often. Moving out issues will fade with time as well, I hope. Besides, Bologna is a wonderful city to study in.**

**I'll go with the song first, which is by Interpol, for a change, Rest My Chemistry. The part in brackets will be more connected with the second half of this chapter.**

**It's a weird update, I admit it. I got around experimenting a bit while I wrote this, and it brough out this weird Kieran's first person, then third. I divided it and I thought more than once of writing all in first or all in third, but all in third was weird, since the whole story is in first, and I really needed some insights inside Derek's head later on. That's the result. ****And I'm rambling now, sorry about that.**

**Anyway, I hope you'll like this chapter, let me know if I've just gone mental for good!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 14 –<strong> **I've Made Hallways Scenes (For Things To Regret)**

"Hey Shepherd!" a kid hollered in the corridor while I was grabbing some books from my locker. I turned politely to him, even though I knew that Drew Waltson was all but polite. I hated the guy, he was a complete moron and yet, everybody drooled after him.

"What is it? I gotta go to my next class" I replied annoyed, covering up the fact that the guy intimidated me a bit. He was big, older, one of the most arrogant asses of the football team and because he was in his last year and all the girls were after him, he thought he could go tough with the kids of the basketball team, especially with the shorter ones, like lucky-me. I was one of his favorite targets to mock and I had had enough of him already.

"Oh, Shep here is a good kid, your Mommy will be proud" he chanted with a mock smirk, practically cornering me to the lockers. "She's a nice piece of ass, your Mommy, you know that? Do you think we can meet someday?"

"Waltson" I groaned, trying to keep down my temper despite seeing red, because I knew I was in the middle of the corridor and practically everybody could see or hear us. I would have hit him with the first things in my hands otherwise.

"I'd die if my girlfriend had those boobs, man!" the guy whistled to his friends around him. Without thinking and feeling my anger blaze out I grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt and swooned him around, slamming his back against the lockers with all the force I had in me. I was slender but I was strong enough to hold back a six foot guy on the court.

"Don't you dare talking about my mother like that you ass! You are pathetic!" I slammed him against the lockers once more "You know why she has big boobs? She's breastfeeding, moron!" Our faces were inches apart and we could feel the anger boiling in our veins, until I released my iron grip and let him go. "Stop talking trash about her. Stop talking about my mother at all, Waltson" I hissed, grabbing my books and walking away, trying to calm my rage.

I knew that people were staring, I knew that I would get in trouble for what I did, but I felt proud. My mother wasn't a 'nice piece of ass'. I expected people looking strangely at me, somebody surprisingly even cheered but what I didn't expected was to be body-slammed by Waltson in the middle of the crowd like he was playing football. _And boy, that hurt_.

He turned my body so we were facing each other and I could see that Drew was angry like I had never seen him before. _I was a dead teenager_.

"Don't you dare touching me again, Shepherd" he boomed, then his fist collided with my face. A sharp pain shook my whole body and I could taste blood while I tried to regain some composure, but I didn't care and I lifted up my fist in response and hit him as hard as I could.

The rest was just a mass of limbs and bodies and anger rolling in the middle of a makeshift ring with the observers who cheered for one guy or the other, until an horrified voice exclaimed "Break it off!", before four big arms could separate the two of us.

Drew was brought away by his football coach with a black eye and nail marks on his arms, while I was in worst shape and I was accompanied straight to the infirmary by the History teacher. He was a kind man, Mr. Maritozzi, he was funny and usually he made all the class smile during his classes but in this moment he was fuming.

"What were you thinking, Shepherd?" he scolded, handing me something papery to clean up my blood and I didn't know how to answer to that. If I had absorbed medicine right in my household, I knew my nose was broken and my parents were going to be beyond pissed.

"Call by Dad, Head of Deuro at Grace and bring be dhere, I dhink ma nose is broken" I managed to babble with the blood trailing down my face and sounding like the victim of an awful cold.

"Is your mother home or she's working?"

"Maternity leave, I dhad a sister sdix dweeks ago" I mumbled in the tissue

"Congratulations"

"Mom can't drive" I immediately remembered like a flash and I blinked away the tears. She was going to be mad and worried and she had just begun to feel a bit better. I was an awful son because she had to drive to the ER and she said that driving made her stitches hitch.

"Okay, I'll drive you there, I'm calling your father to tell him we are coming"

I remained in Mr. Maritozzi's office, waiting for the sky to crumble down once again and I hated myself for picking a fight after all that happened. But Waltson had offended Mom and she was almost dead six weeks ago, that tiny little fact somehow turned the table to my favor. Or at least I hoped it did.

I had never picked up fights, I wasn't that guy. I was the normal guy, who has good but not stellar grades, who studies but who likes to hang out with his friend too, he plays basketball and he doesn't cut classes. I didn't know why I felt the need to punch the guy in front of the whole school, I just knew I'd do it again if I had to defend my mother again.

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><p>Derek Shepherd was pale as soon as he put the phone back in its cradle and leaned against the comfortable seat in his office. They were bringing Kieran in the ER and that scared him to death. He hated the ER, people died there, lots of people. His wife almost died, his Emily almost didn't make it, he almost died. It wasn't a good place.<p>

He walked there almost in a daze, after calling home to Meredith in a scratchy voice to tell them that they were bringing Kieran there because he apparently had a broken nose. He hoped it was just that, but he didn't know what happened. They could have run him over with a car in the parking lot, he could have been knocked out in the middle of the basketball practice, he...

He blinked back tears when he saw the slender frame of his eldest son walk through the doors and he immediately went there to hug him and asset with his own eyes his condition.

"Oh my God, Kieran" he simply mumbled, holding back his tears because he had cried enough in that place and if his son was walking maybe it wasn't as bad as he thought.

"Hi Dad" he blabbered and Derek immediately realized that his whole face was covered in blood

"What happened?"

"I got in a fight" he mumbled, his eyes closing in shame.

"Mr. Shepherd, hi, I'm Mr. Maritozzi, History teacher"

"Yeah, I remember" he held out his hand to the man with a kind, reassuring smile.

"I found your son punching a kid in the middle of the corridor"

Kieran saw the look of love and worry on his father's face morph into one of confusion and maybe a tiny bit of disappointment.

"You did what?" he passed a hand through his hair while his stare pierced into his and Kieran knew he was mad. He always did that when he fought with his mother and heck, they had huge fights sometimes. They never broke up but they yelled a lot. They didn't spoke to each other for hours sometimes, but the morning after things were usually a lot less tense than the day before; somehow he loved when that happened. It was like seeing their parents fall in love with each other all over again. It happened after Mom woke up, it happened after big fights and Kieran loved it and hoped someday to find someone to share such a powerful love with. He hoped he could be forgiven just as quickly.

"Dad, pleade, fix da nose den I'll expdlain"

"I'm calling Uncle Mark" he said flatly, shaking his head.

"Kid, you made you dad pretty angry" Mr. Maritozzi snickered

"It's lodts of dhings" he sighed the best he could, before a nurse accompanied him to a bed and gave him a gown, to change out of his bloody t-shirt. He saw marks and bruises on his chest, but he decided to ignore them.

Uncle Mark finally arrived and for once in his life he was glad he had a family full of doctors which included a world-renowned plastic surgeon.

"Hey kid"

"Hey Undcle Mardk" he tried to smile

"I hope the fight was for something worth the punch because your old man is pretty pissed off. He said that it was better if he wasn't there or he would have broken your nose himself" Mark joked but Kieran knew there was some truth in his words. "It wasn't for a girl, wasn't it?"

"I did it for Mom" he admitted, talking a bit better when he could finally remove the bloody tissue from his nose.

"Bully kid?"

"He talked trash about Mom and I hate when he does that" he explained calmly "Mom is not a 'nice piece of ass'" he mumbled more to himself than for Mark to hear.

"You punched the guy because he said your Mom is hot?" Mark said almost amused.

"She's Mom and she almost died" he whispered the last part and Mark understood that even if he seemed more than fine, he had been affected just like the rest of the family. He had acted just like Derek did when his father died and both of them had a broken noise at this point.

"Kid, I'm almost done here, I go save your ass with Shep"

"Thanks for the nose, Uncle Mark"

"Your mother will kill me with her bare hands if she knew I messed up your pretty face. Hell, she'll probably go kick the other kid's ass if she knew him"

"Sounds like Mom" he replied with a smile

"You are a good kid, Kay"

He smiled to his uncle when he spotted a familiar set of dark blonde hair trudging towards him quickly and he knew his mother was here. He didn't know if he was relieved that she could be here or he was more angry with himself for pulling her out of the house.

"Mom" he called, waiving the best he could without elbowing Mark in the face

"Oh baby!" she arrived there almost in tears and Mark gave her space to pull him in a tight hug, leaving Emily in her car seat fast asleep, despite the buzzing of the ER. "What happened?"

"Don't get mad, okay? Dad is already pissed and..." he sighed

Mark finished working on his nose and smiled satisfied "Now you'll look even more like your father" he smiled widely in the silence that stretched between mother and son.

"What happened to your nose, Kieran and why would I be mad? Dad called..."

"I punched a kid at school"

"You what?" her eyes widened and, just like his father, she was mad. A different kind of mad, but she was mad because she pulled away a little from him.

"He was talking trash about you and we ended up wrestling on the floor. I just wanted him to stop talking like that about you. I'm sorry, Mom" he swallowed, holding back his tears.

"You broke your nose because some guy was..." she shook her head almost amused "God, you are just like your father sometimes" she sat on the gurney and pulled him in a hug the best she could once again. All the possible anger was suddenly gone and he realized he could breathe a bit better and not only because his nose wasn't bleeding anymore.

"You are not mad?"

"You were my knight in shining armor, how could I be mad?" she replied with a smile, kissing the top of his head.

"That's just perfect!" Derek's angry voice echoed in the ER and practically everybody turned to him. He was too mad to notice apparently. "He punches random kids at school and you are hugging him, are you serious?" he yelled.

This was one of their big fights and Kieran hated when he caused them. "New lesson everybody, punching kids is good, you win hugs!" he hollered at the whole ER.

"Derek" she looked at him with her soft, gentle eyes, the same one she used when they said hello after a long day at work, the ones that made Kieran believe in soulmates, but he didn't react.

"Are you serious, Meredith?" he hissed. He always used her full name when they were yelling.

"Did you hear him out or are you just assuming he likes to punch kids?" her voice rose and she stood up to be at almost his level, despite if she was always a few inches shorter than him. "Did you asked him if he was in pain or you just stormed off because in your perfect world your son can't punch people at school?" their faces were merely a few inches apart but everybody in the room knew they weren't going to kiss anytime soon. The angry spell was broken by Emily's cries and Mom moved to pick her up and bounce her on her shoulder "Are you happy now?" she hissed angrily, her tears threatening to fall.

Kieran knew they hated fighting, but both were more stubborn and pigheaded than any other people he knew, so they just kept staring angrily at each other. He could see the rest of the ER almost waiting for one of them to make the first move, but they were just there, staring down the other and this sometimes was even worse than when they were yelling.

"Dad, I'm sorry" he decided to interfere

"You punched a kid, Kieran" his low voice was almost a growl, filled with anger and it was quite scary. He had never been an intimidating man, but right then Kieran knew what her mother saw when they were fighting and he was more than frightened.

"He was talking trash about Mom. He called her 'nice piece of ass', Dad. I punched him because he doesn't get to call my Mom like that, not now, not ever. She's a beautiful woman, but she's not a 'nice piece of ass'." he replied, his voice getting back the angry edge it had while he had Drew cornered against the lockers. "I'd do that again for Mom"

It was his turn to stare his father down. Derek looked at Meredith, at a quieter Emily in her arms, then turned to his son and suddenly, he was full of shame. He was scared when they brought him to the ER and when he was scared, he yelled.

Kieran saw the stony eyes of his father turn back to the same old comforting blue they usually were, then the older man stepped closer to him and pulled him in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry Kay, I'm so sorry" his arms were holding him so tight that Kieran thought he was going to need oxygen to breathe afterward, but it was nice being hugged like that. When he pulled away Kieran could see tears in his eyes as he moved closer to his wife and pulled both her and Emily in a gentler but equally tight hug.

"I'm so sorry" he whispered, his voice almost breaking while repeating the mantra he was babbling in his mother's ear. She just leaned against his chest and hugged him back. Emily reached out to touch his father's cheek and splat some drool all over it in sign of affection. For a second Kieran thought he had seen his father crying, but the tear was wiped away by Mom before the rest of the room could notice. Their lips met for a second, probably not even long enough to get a taste of each other, but when they pulled away, they were okay again. Just like that, the yelling was forgotten.

"I'm proud of you, Kieran" he admitted as he released Mom's body, swallowing thickly while their gazes met and they had an understanding. "Look, I'm going to be out of here in an hour, why don't you wait for me in my office while I fill in some paperwork?" he added and Kieran knew this was his cue to say that he wanted to say something more but he wanted to keep it private.

"I'm going to get a sandwich for you in the cafeteria, I bet you are hungry" his mother continued, her way to say that she knew they were going to have a man-to-man talk and she was giving them space. They knew each other so well it was almost scary, especially after they had yelled like that. "Besides, you told me I'm beautiful so the least I could do is buy you a sandwich" she winked at him and Kieran couldn't help but grin back.

His mother was...He couldn't even think about the fact that she could have not been here six weeks ago, if something had gone slightly different. He grabbed her forearm and pulled his mother in a gentle hug, an hug that said he was grateful that she was here, and she rubbed his back vigorously, like she always did. She kissed her husband softly again then and disappeared, bringing his sister with her.

"Dad?" Kieran asked then and Derek's head snapped back to focus on his son instead of his leaving wife. "Do you have a clean t-shirt in your office, right?" he said, pointing at his bloody one.

"A scrub top probably" he smiled "Let's check it out"

They walked silently to his office and he observed how natural his father looked in this moment in the hospital. When his Mom was a patient, he looked like a lost puppy but here, with his indigo scrubs and black sneakers, his pager and phone clipped at his waist, he looked like a really cool father. He greeted the colleagues with polite smiles even if he probably knew the names of only half of them, but he kept walking next to him without shame or shrugging off people that looked at them strangely.

They entered in his office and Kieran realized once more why he loved the place: brains everywhere! Okay, there were also family photos, a newly added frame with four ultrasound pictures, a plant and all the necessary furniture, but his father had paperwork, scans and brains everywhere. He saw him rummaging in his cubby to pull out something indigo. He threw the garment to his son and watched his beaten up face stretch in a wide smile.

"Awesome" the kid mumbled.

"Kay, I'm sorry about..."

"I get it, Dad" he replied, too engrossed in watching his reflection with the new garment.

"I punched a kid too when my Dad died" he admitted and suddenly their stares met and they didn't needed any more words. "Mom says the broken nose makes me ruggedly handsome but Uncle Mark wants to fix it since he had started college" he smiled widely, easing the difficult topic he had introduced. "Oh, and I had to pull off Mom from your Uncle Alex back in time" he remembered with a smile her tiny ineffectual fists.

"Mom attacked Uncle Alex?" his eyes widened

"She slammed him against the lockers and yelled in his face 'You smell like crap!'" his smile widened and Kieran looked amused too "Don't tell her I told you or I'm a dead man"

"It's bad parenting or whatever she'd say" he chuckled "You know I would have kicked his ass even if he'd talked trash about Grace or anybody else Dad. I don't like punching people" he smiled but it hurt a little to stretch it widely.

"I know. I was just...I'm sorry. Last time someone was in one of those beds it was Mom" he admitted, swallowing thickly at the memory.

"I'm sorry"

"Kieran, it's...you are a good boy" he smiled, pulling him in another hug.

"Is...Dad, am I going crazy if I'm constantly worried about Mom?" he hesitated in asking, pulling away from him, his voice turning serious

"I'm glad it makes two of us, four eyes give more perspective" he smiled sadly, patting his shoulder.

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><p><strong>AN: Some of Kieran here, uh? I realized I kind of focused a little more on Grace and Emily and I let the boys slide in the back. My bad. I hope this evened things out a bit. And if Kieran is anything like his father, he'll snap at things like those, especially if he got a tiny bit of his mother's fiery personality.<strong>

**Okay, that was it and hopefully the next update will come sooner. I'm a bad author, I know. I love all your reviews and all the support you show for this story, even silently. You are amazing. **

**PS [kind of SPOILERY if you haven't seen last episode or S8 in general]: I can't get over Zola's cuteness. Am I the only one here? Oh and Cristina. And the singing...*sighs* I can't watch the episode a third time in less than two days, can't I?**

**They even put The National's Anyone's Ghost right at the beginning of the episode. i mean, since when the Grey's music guys like The National? They have used already three of their songs in the past two seasons, it's weird. I never know songs on the show and when it happens I feel so good about it. **

**Sorry about this ramble, shutting up right now.**


	16. Driven Deep Into This Maze

**Sorry about the long delay folks, I know I said before that the whole thing is practically already written, but I had a serious lack in the time department and I really managed my time awfully. **

**Anyway, the title is taken out of Blitzen Trapper's Lady On The Water. I fell in love with that song, but I can't even remember when I found it. Strange, uh?**

**This chapter explains a few things better and it's on the sad side, but I hope you'd like it anyway. **

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 15 – Driven Deep Into This Maze<strong>

Quiet.

I have learned to appreciate this new dimension of the house in the weeks I had been forced to stay at home to recover and then to tend to Emily. She was the perfect baby, we couldn't ask for anything better than her. I hated that I had missed her birth, but I preferred being there for the rest of her life rather than the birth only.

I could hear the birds chirping in the yard, Derek and Kieran had just mowed the lawn the day before and the smell of grass was still poignant in the air.

I loved the house we had been able to build and I loved spending time there. Even when I couldn't move much from my bed, it was so relaxing and perfect that it cut off all the pain, it didn't mattered much, the important part was that my family was there.

Grace had taken full responsibility for her little sister and she had done it perfectly. She seemed to have a natural talent to be around babies or kids in general, all Nathan's friends seemed to adore her after all.

Kieran had been so sweet the whole time, spending time with me and helping me out when Derek wasn't there. His broken nose was just the tip of the iceberg of the attention he had payed to me the whole time. I know he had been affected a lot by my accident and he had tried anyway to make me smile and do things like everything was normal. I was grateful for everything he had done.

Nathan didn't tore the house apart in my absence and considering his character it had been enough for me. He had helped in the little things, but he seemed to have grown so much in those weeks I had needed their help.

Derek instead had been strange. He seemed almost scared to be around me, to touch me or to simply spend time with me. He had hovered constantly, but not in the same way he had always done when, for example, I was pregnant. He was there, but he wasn't and it was almost worrying.

When I went back to work even if I worked just a few hours three days a week, things seemed to loosen a bit and he acted a little more relaxed than before, but at home things were almost the same. I haven't had a proper kiss in probably more than two months and it was frustrating.

"You need to work harder to be friendly, sleepyhead" I mumbled to Emily who had dozed off peacefully on my shoulder. I had fed her then I began catching up with some paperwork and probably the quiet of the room and my even breaths had made her fall asleep.

"Hey Mom" greeted Grace, sitting across me on the kitchen table and sprawling her books. I noticed how lately all my kids tended to spend a lot more time with me and even mundane, solitary tasks like studying or writing a paper became something to share with me. "Friendly?" she questioned, opening her books and taking out pens and pencils from the case.

"Oh, right" I smiled, tracing soft circles on Emily's back "The meaning of the name, Emily, it's Greek, it means friendly, there's also a Latin variant that means rival, emulating"

"Wow, I didn't know that" she smiled in surprise.

"We chose all your birth names for their meaning actually" _and we really need a friendly baby!_ "Middle names are the ones of your grandparents but you know that already, don't you?"

"Yeah, I didn't realized you picked names for their meaning it's...I thought I was named Grace after the hospital"

"That would have been cheap." I smiled "Grace means good will and somehow you had been a grace as you brought me and Dad together. He didn't had a say on Grace, neither on Elizabeth" I smiled brightly at the memories.

"And Kieran? You told me once it's Irish"

"Gaelic. It means dark haired. I liked the sound and it fitted just perfectly for your brother"

"Indeed" she smiled brightly "What about Nathan?"

"That was a suggestion from your grandmother but we welcomed it with our arms open. It means Gift from God" I tired to smile but it came out forced and Grace noticed.

"You told me you don't believe in God" she argued, her gaze questioning. Derek had taught the children a few basics on religion and they went to Mass from time to time but they all knew I wasn't a strong believer like their grandmother.

"Oh after Nathan I believe. It's not the same God your grandmother or Dad believe in, but I believe in something more than science or randomness. I actually prayed this something higher for Nathan"

"You don't pray Mom" she replied sure of herself, staring at me cautiously and leaving behind all her activities, suddenly engrossed in our conversation.

"I didn't know what else to do" I replied sincerely, vulnerable.

"Why, I mean, he didn't had problems. He's a bit of an idiot sometimes, but he's fine, right?"

"Yeah, he's perfectly healthy" I smiled at her immediate concern "Okay, what I'm going to tell you it's big and only a bunch of people know about this."

"Mom you are scaring me" she was still looking at me like I had grown a second head on my free shoulder.

I sighed deeply before replying, trying to explain simply something that it was anything but that. "When Kieran was three we decided to try to have another baby. It was something I have never expected from me because I have never wanted to have children before. Then you showed up and I was beyond happy and Kieran brought us even more joy and thinking about a further addiction to the family seemed like improving perfection" a sad smile appeared on my lips.

"Something bad happened Mom? I...I remember you cried a lot when I was like seven or something. You thought I couldn't see me but I could hear you cry sometimes" she admitted and it broke my heart.

"I'm so sorry Grace"

"Mom..." she wanted more. I know she did, because I was practically crying in front of her and she didn't know why. Knowing though that she still remembers those months it's even worse than having to explain the events.

"I got pregnant and I had a miscarriage." I finally revealed and I heard her gasp.

Silence stretched weirdly between us while I tried to find the perfect words to go on, but nothing seemed to fit. She kept looking at me with surprised eyes, fully realizing that I had just uncovered one of our biggest secrets and we were both still alive.

At some point I was able to continue "From that moment on everything we had worked a lifetime on building fell apart" I finally locked our eyes and she was even more shocked by the revelation "That's why I argued a lot with Dad or we stopped kissing. I didn't know how to be happy anymore. You and your brother had been the only reasons I still woke up next to your father every morning" I admitted, swallowing thickly. It had been something I needed years admitting even to myself and it still hurt.

"You wanted a divorce?"

"I didn't knew what I wanted anymore. I just woke up, worked, watched you two play then went to bed. I existed and it was bad. I didn't know how to talk to Dad without yelling or what to tell you when you complained that you wanted a sister instead of Kieran"

"Mom, I didn't..."

"It's not your fault Grace, I know that you had the best intentions. You were such a bright girl, you have been bright your whole life and I don't know how it was going to end if that day you didn't shook me from the trance I fell into"

"What do you mean?"

"I remember you sitting in the kitchen almost in the same place you are sitting right now. The chair was a little too big and your feet were hanging in the air, you wore that red t-shirt with smiley hearts that you bought with Cristina"

"Oh, I remember that, I loved it!" she smiled softly and I smiled with her.

"You sat there and you told me, in the most serious seven-year-old voice you could master: 'I'm glad you are not kissing Daddy anymore in front of me, kissing is gross and yucky'"

"I said that?" she said almost embarrassed

"Today I would have laughed my pants off but at the time I remained frozen on the spot. You kept looking at me with those curious blue eyes of yours while I realized that our family was falling apart"

"Mom, I...You didn't love Dad anymore?"

"No, I loved him so much it hurt to know that we had treated each other like...well, like shit for a whole year" I admitted, covering Emily's little ears.

"A year?" she exclaimed surprised "I remember the yelling but I thought it was something fleeting, I never realized it lasted so long" she shook her head still trying to grasp the concept.

"Dad came home that same night and I don't know, it was like something had changed both of us during the day. He gave up Chief after that, I reduced my hours a little, we began having dates again and you know, one thing leads to another"

"You tried again for a baby?"

"Six excruciating months later Nathan showed up" I recalled with a smile. It had been a perfect night, almost magical.

"Wow, it's...wow I didn't..." she stammered

"I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to tell your brothers or your sister this story but I'm glad you know why you have such an annoying little brother"

She smiled brightly, then stood up and pulled me in a gentle hug, then caressed Emily's head "What about Emily, weren't the three of us enough to drive you and Dad crazy?"

"Well, Emily wasn't exactly planned" I blushed at the admission

"I'm so glad she decided to surprise us, we are finally even Mom" she giggled

"I would have gone crazy without you around and three boys in the house. I might as well have transferred in an on call room and it would have been more relaxing" I laughed with her

"Admit it Mom, you did it on purpose" she smirked and our great time was interrupted by the opening of the front door and Derek coming home. He was alone, as Nathan was having a birthday sleepover with one of his classmates and Kieran was on the road for a game.

"This is a home I'd love to come to" Derek smiled brightly when he entered in the kitchen, his eyes twinkling with delight.

"You had to think about that when you made me pop out two boys out of four" I grinned widely and somehow the old twinkle I missed in those two months was back in his eyes. He looked good tonight.

"We could still send them to boarding school" he said, moving closer and locking his lips with mine in a smiling kiss.

"You'd catch all the fishes if you go to the lake alone" I continued, kissing him again just because he was there, smiling.

"It would be boring, maybe we can keep them around for a little while more"

"Yeah, maybe. What do you think Grace?"

"I think I'm out of here. Too many PDA for my single life" she smirked but the look she sent me while she walked out of the room was all but annoyed.

"What did you girls do today?" he continued, kissing softly Emily's head and my forehead right after.

"I did some paperwork, Grace joined me with her own papers and Emily slept like an angel the whole time"

"Life is so easy when you are two months old" he sighed amused. "I've missed you today at work Mer" he walked closer and kissed me a little more heatedly than when Grace was around. It was one of the few good kisses we had shared since the coma and my lips curled up immediately in a smile. Not perfect yet, but a good kiss.

"I missed you too" I closed my eyes to enjoy another slow, soft kiss that reminded me of a lot of good times we shared together. "Are you okay, Der?" I asked when he sat next to me and stole Emily from my arms, cradling her closer to his chest.

"Now?"

"In general" I smiled softly to him

"It's good, I'm good" he replied, shrugging his shoulders and gazing to Emily sleeping peacefully in his arms to divert his attention

"I miss you Derek" I admitted, my voice small. I didn't wanted to argue, but I wanted to know what was wrong in that stubborn head of his.

"Mer, I'm right here"

"You haven't kissed me neither made love to me in those two months. I miss you"

"Mer" he echoed again and his eyes filled with sadness and regret as they met mine. We stared at each other for a moment and it was just like old times, when staring was enough; except this time I wanted him to speak as well.

"I'm not going to break"

"I know, I'm just..." his eyes closed to blink back tears and this was another side of Derek that I have never seen before. He was a wreck.

"We are okay Derek. Emily is okay, I'm okay. I have a scar, I know, but Derek..."

"I had scars too" he sighed and I felt he was ashamed

"So what is the problem?" I asked softly, the same voice I used with Nathan when he did something bad and he hid it. I hated treating him like a six-year-old but he was so frustrating sometimes I had no other choice.

He passed his hand through his hair "I did this to you. I didn't take enough care of you. You were in my OR." he was shaking his head at the admission "And I waited for hours before holding Emily. What kind of father does that? I don't deserve you, her or the rest of this family" his eyes met mine and I realized he was serious about this. I never thought he was going to blame himself like that, but apparently he was that kind of man. He had never been before but he grew into it. He stood up and gave me Emily back "I don't deserve you"

I grabbed his arm and held it tightly, I couldn't care less if I was going to leave a mark "Derek" I stopped him and the turmoil in his eyes met mine.

He was on the verge of tears before and as soon as I stood up in front of him he began crying freely, his arm going around my waist and holding me there as tightly as ever.

"I'm not breaking and I've never been more sure about the fact that we deserve you." I murmured in his shoulder, closer to his ear "You are the best thing that could have ever happened to me and without you there wouldn't be any of this. Not our beautiful children, not the house, not the land. It's you Derek, you deserve all of us and we belong here with you"

His face hid in my neck and I felt him breathe me in, one of his favorite things to do when he is upset. Silently, his tears subsided while I caressed his scalp, kneading the knots in his hair that the wind had created while with the other hand I was holding Emily between us, careful not to crush her.

"I was so scared of losing you" he mumbled at some point, breaking the silence created and forced me to open my eyes. I saw Grace hovering at the door and with my eyes I told her to wait a little more to retrieve her books. She replied with a small, silent smile and a nod, leaning against the doorframe silently.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here"

"I love you so much Mer" he sniffled

"I love you just as much Derek and you won't get rid of me that easily, I hope you know this by now" his face rose from my shoulder and his eyes were sparkling blue, some tears still brimming there but he cracked a perfect, McDreamy smile that melt me on the spot. His lips then met mine and he finally gave me one of his mind-blowing kisses, the ones that left me breathless and begging for more. We didn't parted until we couldn't breathe anymore and Grace cleared her throat in the background, bringing both of us back on Earth.

"And I was complaining for PDA before" she snorted, her smile never leaving her lips though.

Derek leaned to whisper in my ear "It's better if I wait for tonight to continue, then" then he smirked, the same old twinkle back in his eyes. I nodded, blushing.

Grace shook her head amused, leaving the room "God, you two are worse than teenagers sometimes, Cristina's right!"

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><p><strong>AN: There it is, the big mystery I hid for 14 chapters has been revealed, but I'm sure you had already got a few hints. <strong>

**They didn't have a perfect life even if they escaped drowning in the Elliot Bay or being shot on a catwalk, but they are together nonetheless. Here is what for me was important, so well, there it is. My take on their potential future.**

**About the names, I told in Soft shock that I named the baby Grace NOT after the hospital, here's the reason. If you want to check the meanings I went on babynamesworld . parentsconnect . com and search them. It's greatly inspirational when you need baby names, so I'm spreading the word! Considering the number of visits I payed to the website people will think I want to have a kid!**

**Anyway, I will go on for a few chapters more, around 19/20 I guess, but I don't know for sure. Maybe an epilogue as well, the ending it's the only part which is only sketched at this point. Let me know what you want, suggestions, ideas, anything that you wanted to be seen and I'll see what I can do. I'm kinda busy, but you are important to me, so I'll make time for this. **

**Thank you for all your wonderful reviews so far, they really mean a lot to me and to my writer's ego!**


	17. Gold In The Air Of Summer

**Hi there! It's holiday here today, so here's a new update. And well, I'm home, listening to Iron & Wine so I'm quite in the mood for the update. **

**The title though it's a song by Kings of Convenience. This time is important to hear it, you'll understand as you go on reading.**

**I know this has become a little fluffy story and I apologize to everybody who wants drama, I just needed to write this. This chapter here is one of the first I actually wrote, so well, it's not important, but it's a dear chapter.**

**I hope you enjoy this reading and happy beginning of November to all of you!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 16 – Like Gold In The Air Of Summer<strong>

I hated laundry. Always have and always will. But with six people under one roof and especially an infant under one year of age, an almost daily visit to the laundry room was routine. Luckily Emily wasn't as messy as the boys. With Grace it was me and Derek who were messy. _Well, mostly me, but..._

A few notes of a guitar from the living room filled the air and they brought a smile on my face, turning my attention away from laundry.

_Derek was singing to Emily_.

He began singing to Grace when she was a few months old, then the tradition continued with the boys as well, except that each of them had his own song. He picked them carefully, looking on the Internet for new tunes or digging in his old stacks of CD for something appropriate during the whole pregnancy, then when he found one, he began singing it once in a while, to calm them down when nothing else worked, like some kind of magic trick up his sleeve.

I caught him once, earphones plugged in his laptop, studying the screen carefully on which I'm sure there had been tabs for the guitar. When he noticed he had been caught, he simply lifted up his head, smiling to me in his McDreamy way and melting me on the inside out, turning back to his task as soon as I was really starting to enjoy the smile.

Apparently, he had found Emily's perfect song.

I walked back in the living room as soon as the washing machine was started, leaning against the doorframe while Derek was sitting on the couch, Emily resting wide awake in her car seat after her usual calming ride. She was a free spirit already and only a car ride could get her sleepy enough to go through the whole night, so Derek always offered to take her out while I stayed with the other three at home. This time it seemed like the car didn't really worked out, so he had to use his secret trick.

Emily was staring at him, scrutinizing every move, while he softly hummed the song to her, his hands becoming even more magic than when he performed surgeries. His hands were one of my favorite parts of his perfect body, especially when they could do such special things like saving lives or playing songs.

He was simply there, looking at Emily with his wide, perfect smile, while he singed to her and her eyelids slowly dropped shut. He kept singing even when she finally fell asleep, like he always did, because he wanted her to hear the whole song. It was a beautiful, soft track, same style of the one he chose for Grace, but I'm sure it was to keep up with the tradition: the boys had songs from the same artist, so the girls had to have it as well.

Nathan peeked in the room in his pajama with aliens, Kieran's legacy, and his head immediately snapped up to look at me for answers. I brought a finger to my lips and he just ignored me like I asked, plopping next to Derek on the couch and watching his little sister.

Despite the initial freak out, he was being a good big brother and it showed already in the cute way he glanced protectively at Emily.

"Daddy, what are you doing?" he whispered

"I'm singing to Emily. You know, I used to sing to you too when you were this little" Derek turned to smile at him, while he kept playing the last notes. I think I knew the song, it was in one of Derek's CD, probably one of the last one he had bought.

"This same song?"

"Nope, you had your own. You want me to play it when I'm done?" Nathan nodded, but he waited patiently for the last notes to fade out.

"It's my turn?" he asked excitedly

"Yep" smirked Derek and they looked perfectly adorable.

The song changed, but Nathan's face grew only more amazed at every new note. He was practically idolizing Derek right in that moment and I could feel he had never been more proud. The song ended too quickly for Nathan's likings, so he kept asking questions.

"When did you learn to play?"

"My Dad taught me when I was eight. He told me it was a good way to impress the girls" he chuckled. _If Michael Shepherd was anything like his son, he would have had surely said the exact same thing_.

"What song did you played to Mommy, then?"

"She was so hopelessly in love she didn't even needed a song" they both laughed and I couldn't help to giggle and get caught. Derek faced me with his guitar still in his hands, his eyes twinkling with joy and love and lots of other emotions and I couldn't help but staring back.

"Mommy, stop that, I was talking to Daddy!" retorted Nathan, quite annoyed by our gooey eyes. I walked closer to them, picked up the sleeping Emily and I plopped on the couch opposite to them, exactly at the same moment when Grace came back home.

She smiled widely as soon as she saw Derek with the guitar, stripping out of her jacket and shoes and sitting right next to me in a blink.

"Are you singing to Em, Dad?"

"I just finished singing for Nate as well" he smiled broadly, I knew he loved that Grace was still fascinated when he played

"Oh, I need to be there next time, I haven't heard it yet, but I remember Nate's and it was really good, Dad" she grinned at him

"What about I'll sing you yours?"

"How long haven't you played it?"she asked in disbelief

"You were three, maybe three and a half last time you heard me playing this"

"Seriously?" _it had rubbed off on her as well, apparently_

"You know by heart Kieran's and Nathan's though" he grinned

"I do" she smiled broadly

"It was something for just you an me, you know" he admitted, suddenly engrossed in the past "my thing with the boys is fishing, with you I had just that and being alone with you after Kieran was kind of crazy, so I just never played it again, you were happy anyway" he sighed, but smiling at the memory.

"Oh Dad" she sighed as well, knowing how cheesy he could be but then how much she loved him anyway.

He began playing and a few lonely tears fell quietly from my eyes at the memory of those early days with Grace, when everything was so new and scary I could never think I'd be right where I was then, eighteen years later still with a newborn in my arms.

_'You'll shine like gold in the air of summer'_ he sang and I realized he had chosen the perfect song for her, eighteen years later.

"Thanks Dad" she was only able to mutter, looking away with her eyes glistening as soon as the notes stopped. "Admit it Mom, you were singing along, weren't you?" she smirked, brushing away a single tear with her finger.

"Okay, I always sing along" I grinned, looking at Derek.

He was suddenly serious, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. He looked happy, but yet something was still bothering him. I waited for some kind of joke from him, but nothing came while he kept playing with the cords of his guitar.

"Oh, it's my turn now" peeked Kieran from the door, a wide smile on his face. Derek finally managed a smile and began Kieran's song while he sat next to me on the couch. I kept holding Emily, watching at the small, unexpected family gathering and marveling at how good that felt. Kieran sang along this time, while I just mouthed the song, Nathan watched us amused, while Derek remained quiet, except for him singing.

At the end of the song, they all went upstairs and Grace took Emily from my arms to bring her to her room, finally some peace and quiet for her.

I sat next to Derek, while he leaned his guitar on the coffee table, just looking at me. He immediately took me in his arms as soon as I was closer to him, taking a couple of deep breaths, sniffing my conditioner, seeking comfort.

"Bad day, uh?" I whispered, nestled comfortably in his arms. He simply nodded, his stubble grazing the top of my head in the gesture. He remained quiet, his hands stroking my back soothingly

"Really that bad?" I dared asking again

"A boy about Nathan's age died in the ER today. Practically in my arms." he swallowed, but I felt that there was more. I squeezed him a bit tighter and he sighed, taking deep breaths again, almost like he was fighting tears badly "Kath called today. They found a mass on Mom's liver" his arms held me a little bit tighter than before.

"Did they run tests?"

"They'll tell her the results tomorrow morning" he whispered

"Oh Derek" I sighed, my own tears fighting to fall. Carolyn Shepherd was an amazing woman, under every aspect. I owed her so many things that my whole life wasn't going to be enough to pay the debt.

"What if Emily will never be able to taste her awesome Christmas pancakes, or call her Nana? Mer I can't..." he really couldn't speak more, his words stuck somewhere between tears and fear. "We almost lost you already"

"Derek, your mother is a fighter. We don't know anything yet, it could be nothing. And I'm still here" I tried to make him reason rationally, but I knew the worst scenarios were always the first to pop in our heads and the last to leave.

"I know"

"She will be fine, Derek"

"I know" he mumbled again, like he lost the ability to talk.

"Do you want to go there?"

"I can't leave you all here" he shook his head vigorously, pushing away the very appealing, yet really scary thought.

"We'll manage you know, you can go"

"I'll go if things turn out bad, okay?" he almost started crying only at the mere idea of it all.

"You can go anyway. I get that you want to spend some time with her"

"She's not dying yet, damn it!" he yelled, all of a sudden angry. And for a split second he scared me, when he forcefully pulled away and hid his face in his hands.

Then he was sobbing, loudly.

I tried to do my best to wrap his bigger body in my arms while his chest kept rising unevenly, his breaths short and his tears prickling my skin from the fabric of my flimsy t-shirt.

"I'm sorry" he mumbled, between sobs

"She's gonna be fine, Derek"

"I can't deal with this, not again..."

"We'll worry when there's a need to worry, okay?"

He finally looked up at me and he seemed a broken man. "I'm scared, Mer" he blinked, pulling me tightly in his arms

"I'm here Derek, we are going to be just fine" I mumbled in his chest and he nodded. He sniffled like a big boy, then a small smile made its way on his lips.

"Thanks Mer"

"I love you, Der. So much."

"I love you too, I don't know what I would do without you" he smiled for real this time and it melt me. _He was still able to do that after so many years_.

"You'll wallow in your huge ego probably" I joked and he was a little less miserable than before. "Thank you for tonight too, you know, I love when you sing to them. I kinda missed this, they all so grown up" I leaned onto his chest, sighing loudly.

"Yeah, I'm so glad Emily is still little though, I might freak out realizing that Grace will be in college before we know it" he smirked, kissing the top of my head

"Don't even mention it, just pretend it's not happening, all right?" I hid more in the crook of his neck and he finally laughed.

"Mer, we're old"

"Oh, you are old, I'm just fat" I smirked, admitting that this time I might need a little more time to burn all the calories Emily made me devour.

"You are perfect Meredith, you just gave birth"

"That 'just' was almost three months ago, Derek" I sighed

"You were way fatter back then, uh?" he mocked. I spat him on his chest while he was laughing out loud, the sound echoing in his chest.

"Shut up, you loved my bump!" I kissed his lips quickly.

"All our kids had grown there, I have a right to love it" he smirked, returning the kiss, with a little more heat tough. "If you join me upstairs I'll show you how thin you are, deal?" he added, his look suddenly a little bit darker than before, the fire between us slowly building up.

"Upstairs, uh?" I mocked, but not protesting for a second when he wrapped his arms around me and carried me on the stairs, while I was in a fit of laughter.

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><p><strong>AN: I think this whole thing came out after rewatching the Christmas episode with the guitars and all. I can't remember the exact season or the episode for what matters, but you understand anyway, you are smart people and die-hard fans of Grey's, right? ;D<strong>

**There is a little bit of drama. Just a few lines, but we all need it, right?**

**There are about 3/4 more chapters to go, I guess and I might be updating quicker if I get done the ending and the epilogue in a reasonable time. If not, just be patient, just think about how rare updates will be when I'll have exams in December/January *smirks***

**Last but not least, thank you to all the people who still read and review, I'm so glad you are out there!**


	18. ,The Unmagnificent Lives Of Adults

**Hey there, one of the last chapters in this story. I'm a bit sad, because I knind of updated randomly and I could have wrapped this up way sooner. **

**The massive title that I cut is taken out of Mistaken For Strangers by The National and this sentence just blows my mind.**

**Well, I have still a few things left to add, but this is almost it. Enjoy, we're almost at the finish line!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 17 – Another Uninnocent, Elegant Fall Into The Unmagnificent Lives Of Adults<strong>

Derek sighed as soon as he hung up the phone. A deep sigh that usually meant I had to worry.

"Derek?" I questioned, still unsure if I needed to ask or not. He turned to me with glassy eyes and my head began spinning, before he could smile brightly.

"Mom is fine"

I looked at him for a confirm and he just smiled even more brightly, engulfing me in a comforting hug a few seconds later.

"Kathleen called and said that the mass is benign, they'll remove it tomorrow for precaution, but nothing major"

"Oh, that's great!"

"Yeah" he sighed.

He had been on edge in the past two days, waiting for the test results, hardly being himself, sometimes he looked just miles away. Grace and Kieran had noticed, Nathan seemed a bit less affected by the others, probably because he couldn't fully understand and nobody wanted to explain it to him. Emily though had kept everybody's spirits high and we were grateful for such a great baby.

"I called Mom and she said she's sorry she can't come out for Kieran's birthday" he added, almost amused.

"I don't even think he wants a party this year." I shrugged.

He was going to be fifteen and he wasn't a baby anymore. Or a child. He didn't do parties, he said. He just wanted to go out and see a movie with his friends, maybe eat a pizza together, nothing big. I had agreed and all of a sudden, a new series of worries added to the other one already there.

Worrying about Emily was one thing: did she ate enough? Did she slept enough? Was she too tiny for her age? Were those diapers going to give her a rash?

With Kieran set the worries that somehow I had almost managed with Grace: will he be home too late? Will he get drunk? Get in a fight? Get bullied? Is he doing okay at school? Does he do drugs?

Things with Grace had been smooth, she has a conflictual, but effective relationship with me or Derek -more conflictual with me than Derek, though-. She might have yelled that she went to a party and wanted to drink, but she'd say it. She knew I have never forbidden her to drink -who was I to tell her that?- but she knew that she'd get an earful if she came home drunk to her bones.

I knew it was going to happen, life gets on and somehow you find yourself nursing a bottle of tequila, I get that, but I wished better for her. And at this point it was time to wish better for Kieran too.

Nathan worried me just as much, maybe even more, even if I hoped he'd change, growing up, mostly like all of them did.

"Do you think it's time to tell him that Izzie always made his cakes for his birthdays?" Derek joked, interrupting the dangerous spiral of thoughts.

"I think he had figured out that on his own after his seventh birthday" I grinned, remembering the morning when he walked downstairs all excited and found Izzie in the kitchen baking the cake that ended up being for his birthday. He cried for one hour, then he said he had always believed I baked his cakes and he refused to talk to me in more than monosyllables until the whole cake was eaten.

Derek chuckled at the memory, then went back to the kitchen for dinner, shaking his head in amusement.

I checked on Emily and she was still sleeping, then I called out the children and they all came down in the following ten minutes: Nathan ran down the stairs, adamant in making his matchbox car run with him on the wall until he reached the kitchen, Kieran came down in one of his old tournament t-shirt and Knicks shorts, his hair still damp after his late practice shower and his eyes tired but happy. Grace had a huge grin on her face, something I had missed for a long time.

"Mom?" Kieran asked wary, his eyes focused between me and Derek at the stoves. When he asked with that tone, he had something big to ask and he was worried Derek could get mad. "Can I go out Saturday afternoon?"

I looked at him "Friday is your birthday, you'll go out on Friday night" I stated immediately, wanting to get some more information before the other two could join. Grace was busy waiting for Nathan to climb down the stairs instead of playing.

"Please?" Kieran added

"Who are you going with?"

"The same guys" he replied vague and for me, that stinks.

I frowned and he noticed it. He seemed embarrassed. He plopped on the chair before Nathan could finish his car race downstairs and Grace had reached the kitchen, then he whispered "I sort of have a kind of date"

Derek, who was drinking a glass of water, practically spurt it in the sink and gasped, I just turned to him wide eyed.

"Please?" he replied again

"A date?" I asked, in a high pitched voice that didn't sound like mine.

"With Emma. I have had a crush on her for months Mom. Please" he became red at the admission and I decided to drop the issue when his siblings entered in the kitchen, Grace with her still wide smile and Nathan making noises of a roaring car.

"We'll talk about that later. Nathan, stop making noises and sit at the table" I said when he came too close to the stoves. He grinned in his boyish, mischievous way, then he sat next to Kieran and in front of me.

We began eating the chicken with potatoes Derek had prepared in silence, my eyes darting alternatively between Kieran and Derek, looking for answers at his very grown up question. He was talking about dates already and it was absolutely weird and frightening all at the same time.

"I finished my project" Grace said after a few moment of silence, clearly too impatient to wait the end of the dinner. "I'm gonna present it tomorrow and if they like it I'm gonna be able to read it at the graduation" she spoke proudly and suddenly I felt the floor slip away under me: Kieran had a date and Grace was graduating.

Luckily Emily decided to cry at the top of her little lungs and I immediately stood up, bringing her at the table with us, even if she stayed in my arms.

"I'm so happy for you Grace" I said sincerely, even though I was scared of what was going to come up next.

Each time one of the children did something that meant they were growing up a tiny bit was always scary. It had been scary the first steps Grace took and it was scary that Kieran had a date. It was in those moments that I still felt parenting overwhelming.

As I looked up at Derek and he squeezed my thigh under the table, I knew that it was part of the deal and somehow, I could breathe again. He was going to share the weight with me.

Dinner was soon wrapped up and the table cleaned, but Kieran lingered in the room a little bit more than usual.

"Mom, Dad" he asked, once again trying to became smaller than how he already was.

"Look, I'm going to bring you to the docks at three-thirty and I'll pick you up at six-thirty, okay?" Derek immediately piped in, my eyes widening.

"The docks?" Kieran asked puzzled as well.

"If you have a date at least bring her somewhere nice" Derek shrugged off, stole a glance to me and smirked.

We had loved the docks. I had told him I was pregnant with Nathan at the docks. We had seen a sunrise on our fourth anniversary, sleeping in the car like we did so many years before, without the wine that time though, since we were trying for Kieran. We had discussed which school choose for Grace when the time came, I told him I wanted to pick the fellowship at Seattle Grace in his department during one of our long walks.

He probably was relieving the same memories as well when our smiles met.

I was glad he was the one to decide about Kieran's date because it felt too overwhelming for me at this point.

"Dad?" Kieran asked, a little bit unsure, moving closer to Derek while I pretended to go out of the room with a clear purpose, while I was just giving them space for a man-to-man talk. I knew he wouldn't like to talk about some things with a girl in the room, just like Grace confided in me for things about boys most of the time.

I moved upstairs and Grace peeked out of her room, the bright smile still there "Mom, do you mind if I put a little bit of you and Dad in my essay?"

"As long as you said that we are the most perfect parents in the world, I don't mind" I smirked and she giggled "I'm happy you get to do this, Grace. It's a wonderful experience"

"Did you won it?" she asked, suddenly curious, leaning against the doorframe exactly like her father.

"The contest for being valedictorian?" she nodded "I didn't even applied. I wasn't a student who could be put on a stage at her graduation" I smiled, memories flooding back. I remember having a slight hangover that day. My mother left a message knowing that she wouldn't be there the following morning, because she had patients to monitor. I just remember that it wasn't a happy day after that. And I was alone.

"But you had good grades"

"I had a hangover that morning" I confessed and her eyes widened, then I moved closer to wrap her in my arms and stamp a kiss on her forehead, even if it meant standing on the tip of my toes to do so. "You'll do great and even if they choose a dumb blondie from the cheerleaders squad, I'll always knew you did the best you could"

"You are going to be there, right?" her voice suddenly worried

"I won't miss it for anything in this world, Grace" I recalled a promise I had done a long time ago and once again, I promised myself to never break this trust. "Grandma will be there too, Aunt Kathleen called and said that she'll be fine in a month top"

"Yeah?" her eyes lit up.

"We are your family, of course we'll do our best to be there"

"Thank you Mom" she replied sincerely, then it was her turn for a hug.

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><p><strong>AN: Since the journey is almost over, I want to ask you readers what I should do next. I have a chapter left that could be closure, two potential -epilogue included-. You want all three of them or you are just bored out of your mind and you're still reading out of pity? ;)<strong>

**I hope you liked this chapter, it's a bit of a filler towards the end, but I can't complain when there's the need for one, right? **

**Thank you for all the people who had reviewed anonymously and I couldn't thank personally -if there were any, I still get confused with all the ongoing stories I have!-.**


	19. Love Is No Big Truth

**After a very quiet week on every front over here, I'm back!**

**This was actually one of the first chapters I worte for this story, maybe even the first one. It's crazy, I know, sometimes I just get ideas and I need to work around it to make them into a story. It wasn't that bad, wasn't it?**

**Song by Kings Of Convenience, the rest, you just have to enjoy. **

**One more chapter plus epilogue to go, guys!**

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><p><strong>Chapter 18 – Love Is No Big Truth<strong>

I didn't even had the time to properly wake up that quiet whimpers from the baby monitor filled my brain.

Derek next to me shifted and groaned, being woken up after barely a few hours of sleep.

"I go get Emily" I sighed, stumbling out of bed after a quick kiss to Derek.

I walked in the nursery quietly, the same tree I painted for Grace still intact as we switched rooms. Emily was fussing restless in her crib, her growing curly hair all messy on her forehead and her cheeks heated, but she calmed down immediately after I took her in my arms. Her chubby hands began roaming on my chest right away, her beautiful blue eyes gradually closing. I rocked her as she began nursing quietly and I closed my eyes again, if not to sleep just to doze off.

I heard the door open and soft steps come in. _Grace_.

"Mom, Nate is throwing a huge tantrum about waking up for school, Dad was working last night and..." she said tentatively, afraid that she was intuding or disturbing.

"Let him cry alone a little while, I'll be there in a second" I cut her off.

"Do you want me to take Emily and change her?" she offered and for a second I wondered how could I raise such a great dughter.

"Thank you"

I gave her Emily and my heart squeezed seeing my two girls bonding together. Grace was perfect with her, practically the perfect sister for the past months when I had to run errands or drive the boys around for their basketball and soccer practices. They were so different, apparently, as Emily looked a lot more like me and Grace was the split image of Derek in many traits, but some behaviors were exactly the same, even if I could tell from the start that Emily was a little more feisty than Grace.

When I walked into Nathan's room, he was tossing the sheets around, clearly throwing the big tantrum Grace told me about.

"Get up Nathan" I said firmly, not too harshly.

"I'm not going to school"

"Are you sick?" my voice softened for a moment, hoping he would let his guard down

"Yes" he faked

"No, you have to show your science project and you are freaking out" I smiled

"Mommy, please"

"Nathan William Shepherd, get up right now." I was so glad for keeping the tradition of their grandfather's names as middle names for the boys as Derek suggested, especially when they had such a scenic effect. _Never regretted yelling Kieran Michael once, so far_. He kept pouting though, hiding under the sheets.

"C'mon, Dad would be really upset right now if he wasn't too tired to be up. You worked together on it for a week, Nathan." I tried to make him guilty

"I'm freaking out" he finally admitted, his messy curls poking out of the covers revealing a scared six-year-older. I sat on the bed next to him, my arm encircling his shoulders and he immediately relaxed

"It's gonna be great"

"Did Grace and Kay made science projects?"

"They're still alive, aren't they?" I smirked, kissing his forehead

"Okay, I'm going" he snorted, walking unwillingly out of bed.

Downstairs I found a sleepy Kieran at the table, staring at his bowl of cereals and waiting for the breakfast fairy to fill it while Grace was coming downstairs ahead of a tired Derek, who had Emily asleep on his chest and bloodshot eyes, despite the smile. I warmed some milk for all five of us, the house quiet after whimpers and tantrums. I couldn't help a smile on my face, seeing Emily settle down on Derek's chest so comfortably, Grace all perfect in her simple clothes, Kieran and Nathan staring at their empty bowls still hoping in some kind of miracle.

"How's your day?" I asked Derek, trying to keep everybody awake

"Couple of aneurysms to clip, a consult, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork" he sighed, showing once more how much he hated paperwork

"Thank God you're not Chief anymore"

"I have some scans I can't figure out, can you grab them from my briefcase? Maybe I had some kind of enlightenment last night" he smirked mischievously, reminding that, despite his late homecoming, I delayed his sleep a while more and I saw Grace rolling her eyes.

I took Emily in my arms and I went to his office, immediately finding the scans he was looking for. As I was back in the kitchen I opened them and took a close look.

"Great temporal tumor" I said, still fascinated by such medical mysteries despite all the years I spent myself solving them.

"I don't know if I can take it out" he admitted, a small look of defeat in his features. I juggled Emily better and with my free arm I snatched the scan from under his nose

"Hey, you're still on leave!" he chuckled

"This doesn't mean I can't help my husband figuring out things" I smiled, focusing on the scan.

"Maybe you could go around it, before cutting it out" Grace suggested. We both turned to her with wide eyes, an awkward silence stretching between us, the boys stopped munching their cereals displaying the same look of shock on their morning faces.

"It's okay, you don't have to trust me, I'm just..."

"I think it's great, Derek" I cut her off. _God, our girl was going to kick both our asses after Med School_.

"It's going to be a long surgery" was his way to agree to our suggestions

"It's worth the try" I gave him an encouraging smile.

"Okay, let's do it" he confirmed with a smile. Sometimes his ego needed some serious stroking, but I know he would have operated anyway, even without our support.

"Can I watch?" asked timorously Grace

"What?" replied Derek, a little taken aback by her question just like me

"From the gallery. Just for a little while. You are a legend and as long as I can't see you and Mom operate together let me see something cool before going to college" she flashed a smile "Please"

Her puppy dog's eyes allowed Derek to gave in, shaking his head with a defeated smile. She still had him wrapped around her little finger after eighteen years.

"All right, all right" he chuckled

"Thanks Dad!" she flashed a carbon-copy of her father's smile

She flew upstairs, grabbing her cell phone and calling God knows who, to chat about the good news.

"Dad, I wanna watch too" said in one voice Nathan and Kieran

"Not today" I dismissed in a firm tone

"Okay Mom" they chanted

"Are you ready for school?" I changed subject with the hope they'll forget about this conversation as soon as possible. They both ran upstairs in a hurry.

I leaned in to kiss Derek on the cheek and I stole Emily from his arms with a grin, before capturing my lips in a soft kiss.

"God, I miss this" he said, clearly remembering how easier it was when there was just a tiny little Grace with us.

"Go be awesome Derek" I said with a smile, our lips a few inches apart

"I have audience today" he smirked.

Kieran and Nathan trudged downstairs noisily and they ran at the front door with their jackets already on.

"Are you taking Grace with you?" I asked, putting a jacket on Emily and zipping properly Nathan's

"Do you mind if she comes in with you? I'm going early to do some paperwork for the surgery"

"Yeah, I'll drop the kids to school then we'll be there"

"See you then"

I leaned in and kissed him, before yelling upstairs for Grace. She ran downstairs just like the boys, with a little bit less emphasis.

"Ready!" she announced and we all smiled, before heading out to the car.

It was still weird to drive the minivan around. A seven-seats car was something I have never planned to have, but there I was, buckling Emily in the front while Nathan and Kieran fought to sit in the last row.

When we were all buckled and ready I took the road to Nathan's elementary school, dropping him off first so he wouldn't be late to review his science project, then it was Kieran's turn, who impatiently ran towards his group of friends. I waited a moment, seeing him approach a nice girl probably of his same age with curly sandy hair and a warm smile.

"Who's her?" I mumbled

"Oh, that's Emma, Kay's new crush, apparently" Grace filled me in with a smile

"They're cute together. I guess the date went well, then" I sighed. _My boy has a crush already_.

"Yeah" her sigh though seemed to mean something else

"What, Grace?"

"Um, nothing" she avoided, then I knew there was something from the blush that spread on her cheeks.

"You like someone" I chanted, feeling like one of those annoying, nosy mothers and loving every single second of it

"Stop being nosy Mom" I saw her looking away as I peeked from the rear-view mirror.

"C'mon, you can tell me. It's just you and me. Well, there's Emily, but I don't think she'll tell someone about this conversation" I managed to make her giggle, but she remained quiet.

"Jason" she whispered after a few moments. I waited silent for some more details, but they never came and I was happy with it anyway. I was glad that she trusted me enough to tell me a single name. My mother never asked me such things and I clearly never told her anything.

When we arrived at the hospital I gave her one of my old light blue scrubs so she could easily get in and out of the gallery. My breath caught at the sight of her already dressed and how good she looked.

I dressed up myself as well with my navy blue attending scrub. _God, I missed scrubs_. I smoothed the familiar sensation of the fabric, reminding for a second that last time that I wore that garment Emily was still tuckered safely with me and not quietly dozing off in her car seat on the bench next to Grace.

"What are you doing?" Grace asked perplexed as she saw me dressing up, knowing well that I was still on leave.

"Watching the surgery with you" I smiled, matter-of-factly and her smile just broadened. "And I miss wearing scrubs" I added, making her giggle.

We walked calmly to the OR board and we saw Derek's name scribbled hurriedly in OR 2, so we moved there, Grace next to me all the time and Emily still asleep in her baby wrapper, the car seat still in my office. People stopped me and greeted my return, even if brief and unplanned.

I met Dr. Hunt, on my way and he assured me that I could come back full time whenever I wanted, my privileges were still intact. I think it was only because he married Cristina and they were having Sunday lunch with us practically every week with their ten-year-old son Andrew, but I kept that for myself. I knew Cristina was missing our lunch dates between surgeries.

We finally sat on the chairs in the gallery and we saw Derek walking in. Grace immediately stood up to watch closely and my heart swelled with pride. Derek looked up and met Grace's eyes first, then mine and I saw his big smile behind the mask, his eyes twinkling under the sharp lights.

"It's a good day to save lives, let's get started" I mouthed with him, then he grabbed the scalpel and started with the incision.

"Do you want me to describe you what is going on?" I asked Grace

"It's a craniotomy, Mom" she answered promptly, maybe slightly annoyed. _She's gonna be the one to beat_.

"I see you're fine on your own" I smirked, rubbing Emily's back as she stirred in my arms.

The surgery began smoothly, despite the difficulty.

I tried to imagine what it would be like standing next to him in this exact moment, the old surgical rush creeping in. The heart monitor chirped that the patient was in distress and in a moment there was a flat line. They were able to bring him back, but the initial procedure was compromised.

"Dr. Grey-Shepherd, can you come downstairs and take a look?" I heard him ask through the speaker, the slightest hint of panic in his steady tone. Nobody could have noticed it, but after pretty shocking news like 'hey, we're having a baby!' while we weren't even together and eighteen years of marriage, that was his panicked tone.

"There's your daughter asleep on my chest," I said with a smirk, trying to calm him a little "Tell me what do you want to do" I looked at Grace and I saw her smiling.

"Please Meredith" _Okay, he was freaking out badly. I needed to go in_.

"All right, just a moment" I stood up and gave Emily to Grace, careful not to wake her up. "I'm scrubbing in, Dr. Shepherd"

I walked into the scrub room and I felt the usual surgery high even if I hadn't even started. I quickly scrubbed in, looking up to Grace as soon as I was in. She had a huge smile on her face and I know she was happy to see both me and Derek working together.

"Okay, what we got?" I announced my entry.

"I can't operate around or Mr. Harris will crash again" his eyes still focused on the open brain on his table, but a small twinkle in his eyes.

"We should try to relieve the swelling" I suggested

"It's risky" he admitted

"We can do it"

Our eyes met and finally it was just like before. We were a good team inside the sterile room, an awesome team. _We were going to save Mr. Harris_.

I stepped on his right and took the clamp, watching him start operating again.

"You're okay up there Grace?" I asked after a while, not knowing even how much time has passed.

"Yeah, Emily is fussy though" she admitted and small whimpers confirmed it

"Rub her back in circles" I suggested. The whimpers stopped, to begin after a few minutes.

"Not working" I heard Grace's metallic voice

"Stroke her cheek"

The whimpers became wails and that wasn't clearly the right technique.

"Mom" Grace said helplessly. The look on the scrub nurses' faces was priceless.

"Okay, don't freak out. Let me hear her cry"

She remained silent for a moment and I realized that was the hungry cry as soon as I heard Emily.

"Bring her down in the scrub room, she's hungry" she nodded and I saw her disappear out of the gallery.

"I assume you're leaving for a while" Derek smirked. The freaking out was gone and he was perfectly in control of the situation.

"I'll be right back. Can I let Grace scrub in?" I asked hopefully. She was doing such a great job taking care of Emily and she deserved a reward.

"You know you're amazing, Dr. Grey?" he grinned behind the mask, his way of agreeing

"Oh, I'm flattered" I laughed, tossing my gloves and walking out. I saw Grace peeking in cautiously, almost as if she was stepping in a sacred place, silent except for the wailing Emily in her arms. She immediately handed me the crying bundle sighing in relief.

"I'm sorry Mom"

"Scrub in, Grace"

"Wha-what?" she stammered, clearly surprised, her eyes wide at my order.

"Go stand next to Dad and watch as long as I'm here. Grab me a chair first, please." I saw her walking like a robot outside and coming back with a folding chair. I smiled for the shocked expression on her face.

"I'm serious, scrub in. There's not much blood, but be prepared, you'll get used to the smell in a few minutes"

"I can't go in Mom, I'm...me!"

"A few moments. Don't touch anything, just watch closely"

I saw a wide smile spreading on her lips as I sat and lifted my top, letting Emily nurse noisily. She slowly scrubbed in, savoring every moment and following my directions, then she stepped in the room, her mask perfectly tied and with my back-up scrub cap on.

I saw Derek welcome her with a warm, proud smile, then she stood at his left. I was prepared to her fainting, vomiting maybe, running away, instead she stood fiercely, without even flinching.

"Emily, your big sister is bad-a-s-s" I smirked proudly as well.

It looked like jumping years ahead, when she was finally an intern and she had to prove how good she was. My heart ached a little, because she was not just Grace Elizabeth Shepherd, she had a surgical legacy to confront and to improve, going back to grandmothers and not counting kick-ass aunts. She was in for a hell of a ride, but she seemed more than ready for it.

Emily looked up briefly from my chest, locking her blue-green eyes to mine as she noticed I was talking to her, then she was nursing again.

From the other OR door exited Cristina and she immediately froze on the spot.

"What the hell?" her eyes widened

"Hi to you too Cristina" I smirked

"What are you doing here?"

"Feeding break from Derek's surgery" she looked through the glass to the OR and her surprised expression became shocked.

"You're back in the OR? No more consults and paperwork?"

"Not really, I'm going to be covered in mommy for a little while more" I smirked and Cristina looked disappointed

"Is that Grace next to Derek?"

"She's trying to steal my job when I'm busy organizing feeding schedules and making lunch boxes" I laughed

"What is she doing there?"

"We were in the gallery to watch the surgery, Derek needed help, I came down, Em was hungry and I let Grace in. She's just watching closely"

"If it wasn't for the appearances she would be totally you right in this moment" laughed Cristina.

"That's why I'm immensely proud" I cracked a smile

"Oh and the sparkles and the drooling between you and McDreamy, they are disgusting over an open brain" she kept laughing.

"I see you saved the guy in there" I grinned, pointing at the door from where she stormed out

"A textbook bypass, thank you" she admitted smugly

"Can you hold Emily for a second as I scrub in and drag Grace back to the gallery?"

"Okay, but I'm not picking up Kieran and Nathan at school with your freaking minivan again for at least a month!"

I laughed at her empty threat, shaking my head and handing her the already sleeping baby as I scrubbed in.

I walked in the room with a smile, tapping Grace on the shoulder lightly. She immediately jumped at my touch and exclaimed: "Where's Em?"

"With Cristina, go save your sister" I giggled and she stepped away.

"Thank you Mom, Dad" she said before scrubbing out, the emotion palpable. She flashed a smile to Derek, then walked out.

"She's gonna give both of you a run for your money" a nurse exclaimed and we both laughed heatedly, realizing that she was more than right and we couldn't be more proud of her.

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><p><strong>AN: I slightly stole the idea from the show and Bailey, but it was such a tender moment. I just twisted it, I hope you won't mind, you know Grey's is not mine, right?<strong>

**I know you don't care about it, but I have a Twitter account, so if you want to ask any questions or simply follow my updates without bothering to review/create an account, that's the perfect way to do so. Feel free to follow me and thank you once again for being such faithful readers. It's my way to saying thank you to all of you who anonymously spend a little bit of their time here.**


	20. You're Dumbstruck, Baby

**Hey readers, this is the final chapter of this story!**

**There's an epilogue written for all the loyals who stuck around but this is it. The journey from Soft Shock to here is finished and I decided to finish this story with Grace's perspective on things, since it's practically her day. **

**It's not accurate and surely, it's not perfect, but it's mostly a story from the heart. I'm working on stories closer to reality, with details and journeys but with this story, I just wanted to explore a bit an idea that I had after I concluded Soft Shock. Probably many of my original readers had stopped reading, it's not what you expected when I promised a sequel, but that's what my mind processed and that's what you got.**

**I hope the enjoyment for this story surclasses the disappointment I might have given you. **

**The curtain fades as Racing Like A Pro by The National plays. It had been used all along, but we're all a bit dumbstruck in those situations.**

**Enjoy, the epilogue will be up sometime next week, hopefully ;)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 19 – You're Dumbstruck, Baby.<strong>

Brisk morning in Seattle. The once in a blue moon perfect day was there. And I was freaking out.

And I was graduating. _I was freaking done with high school!_

The feeling of hopefulness and loss were unspeakable. That bittersweet taste the sweet and sour sauce has, just in real life. Because I couldn't stop dipping my fingers in the feeling, despite the sourness of it: I was going to college.

Okay, I still needed to choose which college, really, but UW was still first in the rankings. Maybe I'd move for Med School, residency, but at this point, I didn't want to miss out on Emily's whole childhood. And she deserved a sister to save her from all the boys in the house. Mom would also need all the help she could get and Dad would freak out if I'd go farther than Portland, I'm sure.

They were all standing proudly in the fourth row, Mom and Dad next to each other, closely like new lovers but proud as the most seasoned parents, Emily in Dad's arms while Mom held Nathan firmly in front of her, trying to keep him still for more than three seconds with her iron grip on his shoulders.

Kieran was standing very big-brotherly next to Mom, his eyes alert but happy, his demeanor very protective towards everybody.

There were hundreds of people around them, but I could focus only on my family, proudly standing there with smiles on their faces.

Next to Dad the empty seat was quickly occupied by Grandma. She still looked a bit sick, but she was there anyway. Despite living on the other side of the country, once in a while she showed up at our doorstep with a smile and baked goods. I missed not having her around as much as my other cousins, but we tried our best to see each other the most we could and I was glad she was there, because it meant that she wasn't sick as she had been lately.

Dad smiled happily when he felt her presence and all the faces of the bunch lit up when she arrived. She cooed to Emily like I have seen her do a million times to all my brothers and cousins, then her eyes locked with mine and I smiled brightly to her. And I could tell she was immensely proud of me.

I stood in front of the whole school and the paper in my hand crinkled as I opened it. My essay had been selected to be read at the graduation and Mom had tears in her eyes as soon as I moved on the podium and I looked up from the paper to meet her gaze.

The stage wasn't wide, but the crowd was. And everybody was waiting expectantly for my speech.

I cleared my throat and swallowed thickly, smoothing the sheet of paper, trying to gather all the words I almost knew by heart. I practiced a lot at home, but this wasn't the same. Everybody was standing there and I had to step up for the occasion.

"We are all gathered here in this special day for all of us. The end of our high school years and the beginning of our lives as adults. Some of them will go around America looking for the right college for their skills, some others will stay here and help around in the community, find a job, someone to love and build a family with. I know only one thing, that we all grow up here and this place will remain in our hearts forever."

I stopped, looking around at the faces of my friends, the people I spent the last four years with and they were just as emotional as I was.

"We've known love and loss, good times and hard times. Looks like a marriage sometimes" we all chuckled "In a sense, we married our studies. And as you could see, for someone it worked out, for some others it didn't. Doesn't mean they're worse than the others, they aren't just cut for this."

People were nodding and all my friends were still pending from my lips. The weight on my shoulders was slowly melting away, replaced by the slightest bit of confidence. _I had to decide for people's lives in a few years so I really needed not to be scared of reading a speech out loud to my graduating class_.

"I know that the most important thing about it is at least trying to make everything work. Nobody could say you'd been lazy if you try with everything you have. And you could win, or you could lose, but you tried. My parents taught me that over and over again"

I looked up to meet their gazes and Mom was already wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, while Dad had leaned imperceptibly towards her, reducing to nothingness the space between them.

"They are surgeons. They go on talking about life and death all the time. They see each face of the coin every day and they still come home with a smile, they still go grocery shopping and they keep my life as normal as possible, despite having good days and bad days, lives saved and great losses."

I smiled to them and Dad smiled back warmly, the proudness shining in his eyes.

"They taught me rights and wrongs, the fact that a brain tumor is surely worse than a D in a test. They have silently guided me through life without even noticing, probably and maybe it's because of them that I'm standing right here."

I paused, a lump forming in my throat.

"Mom would shrug it off and say that I'm this way because I've been too stubborn to be otherwise, while Dad would gloat; and that's what I like about them. I've met hundreds of people in my life, but neither of them was like my parents. I don't know how they were like before I've been in the picture, but as far as I can remember, they are the same newlyweds they were when I showed up." I smirked to them and I could see Mom blushing as Dad looked at her with the one that had been dubbed 'their' look.

I smiled, continuing with my speech "They made me appreciate the little things in life, the small, quotidian victories, but also the big achievements. They helped me decide what I wanted to do with my life, who I wanted to share it with, the whys and whens. They never demanded, they always asked and I slowly realized that I'd obtain a lot more if I'd do the same. So now I ask and most of the time I get something in return and I give back when someone asks me"

I smiled to the crowd, recognizing faces here and there.

"The give and take. It's the basic of life, more or less. You give up a night out to study, you get a better mark. School taught me that lesson as well, but seeing it done every day is way better. You give the last slice of cake to your brother, he'll smile at you. See, it's that simple."

I grinned to Kieran and he winked at me, glancing to Nathan who was grinning like a fool as well.

"My brothers and now my sister made me who I am as well. They pushed me to see things from another perspective, look at the world with different eyes, dissect every little thing to get to the heart of it. No roundabout expressions or big words, just what you think."

I stared at Emily this time, her eyes alert, despite leaning heavily against Dad's shoulder, in her gaze all the innocence I wish I could get back, even for a second.

"I also learned that life is different than surgery, despite I have lived immersed in that world most days. Because in surgery you open up, you fix, you close. Accurate gestures, smooth cuts. In life it's not that easy to cut out something. You've all seen how hard is to kill an habit or to let go of a loved one when things don't work out. That's why it will be hard for all of us to cut with this life and go to college or work. It's out of our comfort zone, it's a gray area, where anything can happen. If we want though, we can make it a rainbow of colors. And I have to thank all the people that are standing here for the colors I got, because I'm sure that my life would be way duller without the support of my family and my friends"

It was the turn to look at Grandma, because she had the best colors to see life, the most perfect hues and the rarest shades.

"For those who are here displaying a very gray color palette, I wish you could find your colors, because it's worth all the pain and the work you have put into it. I know people who had gray palettes, but right now, they have a rainbow of colors to offer. Look for your rainbow, someday it will be in your hands and you'll never even notice."

Mom locked her gaze with mine and she knew I was talking about her, so I smiled softly, trying to get through her tears, then I moved my gaze to Amber, who was standing proudly in the second row, grinning at me.

"Cherish your rainbow and keep it always bright, that's all I wish for all of you my friends. And believe me, I'll do my best to always have the brightest scale with me"

I lifted up my head and the crowd slowly began clapping, then it all became a synchronized movement and before I knew it, my classmates were cheering, whistling and I realized that my first fan was Dad, happily bouncing Emily in his arms as he cheered loudly.

The rest was a blur, because suddenly the headmaster gave the signal and all the hats flew in the air, followed by more cheering, then everybody went in search of their family or friends.

I approached Amber, who was standing awkwardly waiting for me off stage, and I hugged her tightly.

"We are done with high school" I said with a bright smile to her, pulling away from her arms and she just hugged me back.

"You know, I have heard that speech dozen of times, but this time..."

"Yeah?" I said, surprised that despite having bothered her for days, she still found the thing enjoyable.

Amber nodded "Your mother cried the whole time" she giggled

"She'll blame the remaining hormones, I'm sure"

Before Amber could reply, the flock of the Shepherds appeared in my line of view and the first one to collide with me was Nathan, his arms hugging me tightly.

"This thing is hideous" he said then, pointing to my gown and we all laughed.

Then Kieran smirked, hugging me lightly, too manly to actually hug people, then Grandma held me in one of her infamous hugs.

Dad approached me with a proud smile, his eyes filled with anything that he couldn't say out loud, one of his arms going around me as he still held Emily, but the squeeze tight just as much as Grandma's had been. Then I stole Emily from his arms and made a few face to her, making her laugh, then I looked up and met Mom's eyes. She was still fighting tears and her eyes were red, but her smile was incredible.

Dad took back Emily and I flung myself in Mom's arms, closing my eyes and relishing the life-old feeling.

"You're all grown up" she whispered in my ear and I was fighting tears too at this point.

"You saw me growing up every day, you have no excuse" I joked

"You just look adult now and you didn't this morning, I must have missed something" she giggled back, hugging me again. "God, you look gorgeous"

"Well, Nate says it's hideous"

"He's not completely wrong, but still, you ..."

"I know, it was yesterday that I was like Emily and 'look at you now!'" I grinned "You said that this morning already"

"I'll say that for every future occasion I'll take part to, it might just change the term of comparison" she giggled, brushing my upper arms then squeezing me once more.

"Since when you hug this much, Mer?" I heard the clear, snickering voice of Cristina behind me and I turned to see her smirking.

I knew that my godmother was not going to hug me and the squeezed part of me was grateful. I knew she was hugging me in spirit anyway.

"No cutting-edge techniques today for you, Dr. Yang?" I mocked

"I had this thing to do, you know" she joked along "It was a nice speech at least" she winked. "And you made your mother cry like a baby. I won fifty bucks, Gracie!"

"Hey, you bet on my hormones?" Mom said indignant and I turned to Amber, who was doubled over in laughter.

They could be silly and overbearing sometimes, but I wouldn't change the Shepherds for anything in the world.

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><p><strong>...aaaand cut!<strong>

**Here we are. The end. **

**Okay, not the very end, since there's an epilogue, a rather alternative one -again!- I'd say, but it still needs some work. **

**I'm kind of sad of leaving this story, since there's a lot about me and it's pretty dear to me, both this and Soft Shock, despite them not being my best stories nor my most read. They've been a part of me for a while and it's weird to have let all the ideas out. Cool, but weird.**

**Last, but not least, thank you from the heart to all the supporters for both this story and Soft Shock, you've been there a long time and I really appreciate this!**

**So, penny for your thoughts of any kind, right before the curtain will definitely fades with the epilogue!**


	21. Epilogue, Leave Me Only When I'm Blessed

**Okay, this is the real end of this story.**

**Since 17 years didn't seem enough, I added 20 more and here we are, the epilogue. It's just a glimpse of what could happen. It could have been better, longer, different, but that's all I had in my mind. I hope you'll like it anyway.**

**I want to thank all the people who read, reviewed, favorited, alerted this story, because even if you weren't many, for me it meant really a lot that you remained there until the end. **

**This is it. I'll leave you with Lady On The Water by Blitzen Trapper.**

**Enjoy!**

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><p><strong>Epilogue – Leave Me Only When I'm Blessed<strong>

"Moooom, the door!" somebody shouted, not sure which 'Mom' was called out for.

"I got it!"

The same answer as before, in Grace's accommodating tone though. And she dragged along a olive-skinned, afro-haired four-year-old boy to the door.

I peeked in the same old foyer and Emily was standing awkwardly at the door, hugging her sister.

"Hey John" she greeted the little boy, messing his growing afro. "You grew two whole inches since the last time I've seen you"

"I'm almost taller like Daddy!" he said proudly and he turned to me "Granny tell Aunt Emily how tall I am!"

"He grabbed the cereals by himself this morning" I said very seriously to Emily, who was trying to contain her laughter.

"C'mon silly, let's go find your sisters" Grace told him, leaving me and Emily alone.

"Hey Mom" she greeted and I took her in. She really looked a lot like me, except that her hair were a shade darker than mine, the rest practically the split image of a twenty-year-old me. Same eyes, same nose -luckily for her-, same light freckles.

"Hey Emily" I greeted back with a wide smile, enveloping her in a warm, motherly hug. She squeezed me tightly, something she did rarely, so I stared at her questioningly. She just raised one eyebrow and shook her head.

"Aw, my baby girl is here!" Derek's soft voice joined us in the foyer and before I knew it he already had her in his strong arms.

I looked at them together and I could still see him holding her on her first day of school, or when she got scared once that we almost lost her in a crowded mall. Except that his hair were trimmed neatly and turning white while she was almost as taller as he was this time around.

"I'm twenty years old, Dad" she said, each time she repeated the sentence, the years growing, just like her height.

"I know, but you'll always be the baby in the family. Aunt Amelia is still my baby sister" he winked and Emily shoved him playfully.

"Where are the boys? I saw Grace before..."

"Well, Kieran brought the twins and Maya yesterday, they're on their way from Olympia, they had a work meeting or something"

"He's still working in the wilderness renewing villas or something?" she asked, a hint of surprise evident in her voice.

"Think about who he got that from" I snickered to Derek and he turned to me with his still amazing smile.

"Look, he's an architect, blame me" he joked

"We'll be all surgeons yeah, I know. I'll be a teacher, Dad" Emily retorted

"And I'm proud of you. Clearly, all those nieces and nephews aren't enough, uh?" he snickered and Emily tensed a little.

"We are very proud, Em" I diverted the attention towards me.

"Grampa, grampa" a boy, the first of Kieran's three-year-old twins, toddled to him "Holly got all the biscuits we made for Santa!" he said very upset, speaking about his sister almost with tears in his eyes. They were a troublesome duo to say the least, Kevin and Holly.

Derek bent down with a smile, ruffling his head full of dark hair "I know Kevin, but I have a secret stash" he winked, then excused himself, grabbing Kevin's tiny hand and disappearing in the kitchen.

"You know, the more I look at Kevin, the more I see Kieran in him" I sighed and Emily smiled.

"Where's Nate?"

"He just touched down, Columbia didn't let him off the hook easily this year. He said he's bringing a surprise with"

"Must be the girlfriend" Emily shrugged off.

"They must have a very good relationship to bring her in this crazy place at Christmas. You know, your grandmother's house was even worse the first time I went there." I shrugged off the pleasant but overwhelming memory.

"Yay for the Shepherds" Emily grinned. "I gather that all the tiny humans will be here, then" she added, something unspoken behind that statement, something I couldn't put my fingers on.

"Well, you saw John and Kevin already. Holly is everywhere her brother is and Maya is napping upstairs. Lilith is reading, since she has to look older than anybody else, Ella is playing doctor with a teddy bear because she had been to the hospital with Grace and she got all excited"

"Another surgeon in the making" sighed amused Emily. "When they are all together they seem more than six though" she mused

"Oh yeah. Having them in set of threes is far worse than when I had you all four under one roof" I sighed. "I'm so glad I had you all far from each other" I grinned.

"You'll never get enough of us, will you Mom?" she said, then she hugged me again and that made ring all the bells I had in my head.

"Are you okay, Em?"

"Yeah, just feeling a bit left out, that's all, between all those hot shot neurosurgeons" she smiled

"Look, Kieran is an architect, you don't have to feel left out because you chose to go to college and be a teacher, I respect it."

"Well, Grace is the go-to pediatric neurosurgeon and Nathan is about to become one." she sighed, then spoke, her voice barely a whisper "Besides, everybody here has someone, even Nathan is bringing over his girlfriend and..."

"You have your whole life for that" I sighed, understanding her feelings a bit, but not fully.

"Yeah, yeah"

"C'mon, spill it." I said with a smile, but she just went to the kitchen "Hey, was it a bad break up?" I cornered her at the fridge, immediately figuring out that only a guy could have shaken up her self confidence so badly.

"You could say that" she mumbled, gulping the water straight from the bottle.

"You know, at your age, I was in Europe drinking until I passed out and having inappropriate one night stands" I winked and her jaw dropped, her eyes wide and she almost dropped the bottle on the floor.

"Mom!"

"Just sayin'!" I grinned and she finally smiled back.

"It's more complicated than that" she said, her voice back to being elusive.

"You loved him?"

"Maybe. Maybe not, it's still all fuzzy" she gestured, scoffing.

"Give it time. If it's meant to be, you'll find a way back to each other. Look at me and your father!" I smiled, trying to reassure her, but she didn't really got it.

"He was married, I know. Just...thanks for trying Mom"

"I can always try harder" I said, then I left her thinking as I heard tires in the driveway.

When I opened the door, both my boys were standing there accompanied by two beautiful women. One was Anna, Kieran's wife, Swedish origins, they met and married in no more than two years and they were still going strong after five years of marriage. She was a lovely woman and we immediately hit off.

Behind her, a very ordinary girl stood next to Nathan. She was put together but still casual, her auburn hair pinned up in a bun but leaving most of them down, her hazelnut eyes warm and gentle. She was scared shitless, but she was trying to hide it so well that I decided to pretend I didn't notice.

"Mom!" both boys exclaimed

"Aw, look at you Nate" I said, seeing that being in med school hadn't killed him yet. He was tall like Derek, his hair longer than before and more wavy, giving him a ruffled, Californian surfer look that suit him well. Kieran instead was very casual in his dress pants and button down, looking like the split image of Derek I had when we started dating, except his hair were shorter and his stubble a little longer. And his eyes were still like mine.

"I'm jealous" Kieran exclaimed when I hugged Nathan first, faking a pout

"He's the little brother" I joked and we all laughed together

"Well, Mom, this is Madison, she's my fiancée" he dropped the bombshell and we all remained standing stunned for a moment, our gazes flickering between the two of them, my hand remaining mid-air as I realized the magnitude of her presence there.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Shepherd" Madison said in a small voice and I could understand perfectly her reservations towards us. I would have already run in the woods in her shoes.

"Nice, bro!" Kieran pat him on the back and we were all smiling as I politely shook Madison's hand.

"They can be worse. Besides, you can call me Meredith" I whispered to her and she loosened considerably after my statement.

When I moved with them to the living room, the kids assaulted both my boys in a flock.

I glanced at Derek when Nathan announced his engagement and he looked like one of the children did when we promised them cookies. Or when they opened the gifts on Christmas morning.

I watched Grace on the couch snuggle with Jason, her husband and college sweetheart, looking dreamily at their kids. Kieran sat then with Anna opposite to them and Nathan filled his position on the armchair, plopping Madison in his lap. Emily was suddenly left out and I got what she was telling me before.

"Hey Em, I need your help back here!" I called and she nodded, the smile had disappeared from her face.

I brought her in the kitchen and she sat at the bar stool.

"Tequila or wine?" I said and she looked at me like a deer caught in the headlights. "And don't tell me you don't drink already"

"I win a grand if I keep it sober until the twenty-first birthday" she said quickly, immediately revealing the big lie behind that statement.

"A grand, uh?" I said, not believing a single word. "Don't be shy, I can keep the secret"

"It's fine Mom, I don't need a drink, I'm okay"

"You have the same sulking face your father has, I'm not fooled. I know, they are all happy and bright, we are more on the darker side, I get it. I'm not getting you drunk, I'm offering you the maternal comfort in a liquid form"

"I don't want it. A bet is a bet" she stressed, but her eyes were hiding something.

"Did drinking reminds you of the guy?"

She paused, then whispered "A little, yeah"

"Okay, I'm shutting up now" I said, completely understanding her at this point. At least she had the luck to be unable to drink instead of doing the opposite like I did.

Something still wasn't right, though. The way she twirled the glass of juice I offered her instead of the tequila, the sadness in her eyes, it was all weird.

"Hey Granny, look who's up" a soft voice turned my attention towards the door where Grace was leaning with her niece Maya in her arms "God, I miss them when they were this little" she mused, handing me the blond-haired baby girl, still half asleep.

"You should just get pregnant again" I smirked "I'll retire soon, I'll have all the time in the world to take care of all my grandchildren" the smirk softened to a smile because at this point, surgery was a legacy I had left to Grace and probably Nathan, not my whole life. Family was all that mattered.

"Let's just take one step at the time, shall we?" Grace replied cleverly, then left the room.

I focused my attention on Maya, who was snuggling on my chest, sucking her thumb noisily. "Have you seen that Auntie Emily's here?" I spoke softly to the baby, who simply turned to look at Emily with big blue, sleepy eyes.

"She's gorgeous, it's been a while since I last saw her, I should compliment Kieran" Emily said, a veil of sadness suddenly darkening her gaze.

"You just did" Kieran appeared at the door and Maya's eyes lit up.

"Dada" the baby mumbled, before he could pick her up and leave me bare-handed.

Watching the two of them together, I was suddenly transported back when Derek was the Dada called for and at this point I was still a bit stunned that my Kieran had his own babies "Why fathers are always smitten when it comes to daughters?" I mused out loud.

"No idea" mumbled Emily, her eyes darting outside.

I carefully looked at her, her evasive body language, her turned gaze. _Wait a second, her body..._

"Emily" I said with my stern voice.

"What?" she almost snapped, knowing that I realized her secret when I began practically staring at her stomach, before meeting her eyes.

"You can't drink, can you?" I asked, knowing the answer already.

Her gaze softened, her fidgeting stopped and her eyes filled with tears, before she shook her head, her eyes closing to absorb the information she had just given away as one of her hands came to rest gently on her still flat stomach.

I squeezed her free hand in mine and she just looked at me, pleading me, letting me in.

"How far along are you?" I asked

"Almost ten weeks. I..." she stopped "There's no father"

"There's a whole family here for you" I smiled

"I couldn't get rid of it, Mom" she whispered, her voice cracking.

"I know, believe me, but you're not alone in this. I'll be there every step of the way"

"I'm so scared Mom"

"I know, the first time is the worst. It's okay being scared." I reassured her wth a smile.

"Were you scared, Mom?"

"All the time. It fades, but it never disappears"

She sniffed and nodded, wiping away her tears.

"What about we go back to the family room and we wait for all the others to show up, we enjoy this Christmas then you stay some time here and we talk about this?"

"You are not going to disown me?"

"No, you're always going to be my baby girl, no matter what happens"

I stood up and kissed the top of her head, just like I did when she was little and she relaxed under my touch.

"Can you gently break the news to Dad?" she whispered then, her eyes still glassy

"I'll prepare the field, but you'll tell him. He'd be thrilled to have another grandchild, believe me. I am thrilled" I gave her a small smile, because I was indeed thrilled.

"Even if the baby has no father?"

"Even more so. This baby will need a whole family behind and we'll be there for you and for him or her. Like we've always been"

"Family"

"Family" I echoed. She nodded and a slow smile brightened her face. "Let's get this Christmas dinner over with, shall we?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, little recap, it will be boring, but maybe you got lost reading it, since I introduced so many new characters:<strong>

**- Grace married Jason, do you remember him? The guy in chapter 18. Well, they have three kids, two girls, Lilith and Ella, one boy, John. She's a pediatric neurosurgeon at Seattle Grace.**

**- Kieran married Anna. They have twins, Kevin and Holly, and Maya. They are both architects.**

**- Nathan is in med school, Columbia. He recently got engaged to Madison. **

**- Emily is in college in Seattle, studying to become a teacher.**

**Okay, if anything or anyone is missing, just say it and I'll try to fill you in.**

**It's been a beautiful journey from Soft Shock to here and it's overwhelming that someone is still interested in those stories. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, really. **

**Thank you.**


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